I’m in love !

I’ve met the most amazing woman.

And I think I am in love.

I think she’s my soulmate.

Really ! Totally happened out of the blue.

I think she’s the woman for whom I’ve spent my entire life searching …..

But she is only here for a short time …..

And returns home next month.

Home is in Europe.

And I’m going to go with her.

I’m leaving everything here.

And I’m going to take the chance to see if she’s the one.

Or I could say …..

I can’t phucking believe it !! I got the gig !!!!

Seriously !! No shit !!

The governor appointed me to a judgeship !!!!!

I’ve got 4 weeks to turn over my cases ….. and wrap up my practice.

Four phricking weeks ….. and then I’m a judge !!!!!

No …. it’s the one in the U.P. …. yeah ….. about a 5 hour drive from here.

Well …. ya …. I won’t be around here much at all …… I’ll get everything wrapped up here and then just move up there …. I’ll get an apartment or something, yeah, no kidding, it’s po-dunk-ville and my personal life will blow …. but it’s a great phricking job ….. I think I’ll be happy !!

It’s a chance I have to take !!

Or I could say …..

I’m a transsexual.

Seriously !! No Shit !!

I’ve finally come to terms with that.

I’m incredibly excited !! I really think by coming to terms with it that I have a chance to finally be happy ….. live life !

But in order to find out …. I’m going to have to start living as a woman.

That means leaving here.

And I’m going to do it.

It’s a chance I have to take to see if I can live life and be happy.

Let’s see now ….. in all three scenarios:

I would be leaving the area and removing myself from daily and/or frequent personal contact with those close to me;

I would be doing something I suspect would make me very happy, but ….. there is certainly not guarantee that would be the case; and

I think my family and dear friends would feel somewhat saddened by my departure and removal from an active presence in their life.

However in the first two, I think my family and dear friends sadness would be put aside for their happiness for me to have the chance and willingness to risk all to be happy.

But not in the third scenario ….

For there, I suspect their sadness could remain greater and dominant over any happiness for me.

Why ??

I don’t know.

I think one big difference is that in the first two scenarios, my happiness would be in some ways contagious ….. while in telling them under the last, maybe how I handle myself when informing them, what would be contagious is embarassment, fear, and uncertainty ….. but not excitement about my opportunity to take a chance to be happy.

I think I need to keep that in mind when informing people. Just as I wouldn’t feel or suggest that I am apologetic for making the decision to leave in the first two scenarios, I should not suggest that I’m apologetic for making the decision in the third scenario.

I’m excited and thrilled to have this chance to be happy.

And I hope they’ll be happy for me, no different than if I was running to a foreign land to chase the love of my life, or leaving town for the job of which I’ve always dreamed.

But if not, oh well.

I’ll be gone.

And it will be easy for them to forget about me if they so choose.

And hopefully, I’ll be rocking happy !! πŸ™‚

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  1. Stacy said, “but only another TS could imagine herself in the real one… ”

    I don’t think that’s true. In fact I think that any of your (I mean “you” as in anybody in this situation, not Amy specifically cuz I know this is an old post and she’s already gone throught this) family and friends that you want to keep are going to imagine and they’ll try to to emphathize and sympathize as well.

    What I don’t think they can do is completely understand or comprehend. They can’t “grok.”

  2. It’s easy to get rid of friends, if you really want to. The hard work is in making them and keeping them.

  3. “Isn’t being a friend
    all about wanting what’s
    best for your friend?”

    that is the proverbial rub…
    only a really good friend could
    KNOW what’s best…

  4. You’re right Shaft. The message in this post does not apply to you ….. it was an overly broad statement on my part, one that I truly should have qualified. I’m sorry. I’ll be more careful with future posts. πŸ™‚ (Not that it’s an excuse or anything, but it was just a quickie blabbering I thought of while taking a break from work yesterday.)

  5. I’m struggling with the message. See, if the first two scenarios played out, I would be sad for me but more happy for you. Cause and effect. Three plays the same way for me. Isn’t being a friend all about wanting what’s best for your friend? If you became a judge, I would be sad that our daily routine would change but extremely happy for your accomplishment. Isn’t it all the same? Am I not getting this?

  6. ummm…
    you scared the poop outta me!
    i was thinking
    “Oh, God, not again!
    Not another one falling in love with me,
    only to discover that beauty is skin deep,
    while tedium goes to the bone?”
    You’re blonde enough to think Nebraska
    IS in europe…

    but the thing is,
    anyone can imagine themselves
    in the first two scenarios,
    but only another TS
    could imagine herself in the real one…

  7. say the woman who never im’s me in the first place. Never get immed, never get parts in plays, never get phone calls, get ignored at GP,

  8. If the headline was real-life …. you’d have been peppered with IM’s and badgered with e-mails telling you all about it long before a post like this ever saw the light of day !! lol

    But seriously, I did find it kinda interesting thinking about how differently people would react to various “causes” even though they ultimately would have the same “effect”.

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