Does this taste bitter?
“Why would you tell anyone you are even considering having a sex change if you are not definitely going to do it?
I mean, because, once you tell anyone, things are never the same, so even if you don’t start living as a girl, don’t have a sex change, any relationship you have with people who know you were even thinking about it is going to be different.”
Good question ….. I’ve considered it myself …… and after extensive self-reflection …… I’ve concluded the answer is because sometimes ….. I’m a bitch.
If you want to know how I reach that conclusion, then ……
Let me tell you a secret …..
A secret that is just so obvious to those who suffer from transsexualism ….
That we don’t even consider it a secret ….
Here it is …..
We would all transition in a heartbeat if we didn’t care about someone else’s feelings.
Oh, sure, I know such a general statement can always have its exceptions, but generally speaking (it is a general statement), most people don’t transition out of concern for the feelings or impact it would have on a family member or dear friend.
And this is how I claim to exhibit a moderate level of bitchiness ….
I’ve lived with this condition my entire life ….. I’ve dealt with it since I’ve been 4 – 5 years old ….. all out of respect and concern for others ….. like you ….. and they never were aware that I was doing something for them …. something that was uncomfortable and difficult for me …..
And if I decided to continue doing this “thing” for them …… something so uncomfortable and difficult for me …..
Well, I would want them to know I’m making such a sacrifice.
I’m just tired of being a silent martyr.
So ….. that being said ….. by telling you my secret when there is still some chance I will not transition or abort a transition at some point …..
If I do follow through on the transition, there is no additional harm done, and …
If I don’t following through on the transition, then you ‘ll know that my selfless nonaction was in some way on your behalf …..
And that’s something of which I would want you to be well aware …..
Because no matter how well I would pretend that I was happy and comfortable with nonaction …..
I would want it to always be a nagging question in the back of your mind …..
Am I really happy and comfortable?
And on occasion ……
You would look in my eyes …..
And see that my pain remained …..
All because of you.
And because your happiness and comfort was more important than mine.
That’s pretty bitchy, isn’t it ?? lol Gawd, I’ve got such potential !! 🙂 I mean, with a sparky ‘tude like that ….. it’d be such a waste not to transition !! 😛
Now I am certain I am a transsexual because I can answer the “transition” secret: “We would all transition in a heartbeat if we didn’t care about someone else’s feelings” affirmatively without a single, solitary, hesitation.
If I knew I could wake up tomorrow and be Marcia and no one would give a hoot, no one’s feeling hurt, live’s damaged, I’d do it in a heartbeat!
M
sorry, i sounded cranky, didn’t i?
selfish was one of those tazer-words
in my family/childhood…
after i watch “Normal”
i’m going to have to write a story
of transition from the wife’s perspective…
you know,
i’ve been married to this guy for eighteen years,
and all this time
i thought it was just a kinky sex thing,
but now he tells me
he wants to wear my underwear 24/7…
is this some sort of neurotic reaction
to my hysterectomy?
and what do i do?
take him to a shrink?
ask our doctor to give him testosterone patches?
go shopping with him?
her?
i don’t know if i can get used to calling him Amy
–her!
oh, god, i know i said
for better or worse,
but…
which is this?
I suppose that’s one way of putting it …. I guess the point I was trying to make was that,
When a person does not transition because they feel they are being selfish for their own wants,
Then what they are doing is prioritizing higher their friends’ and families’ selfishness over their own.
I guess my emphasis was meant to be, when it comes to transitioning, someone’s selfishness is going to win …. either yours or your friends’ and families’.
so you’re saying we don’t transition
because we’re not selfish?
Ahhh padawan …. differently act, people might. (I so can’t talk Yoda, but it’s fun to try.) lol
I think that after any disclosure, there’s bound to be a bit of awkwardness while the person told absorbs what was said …. that can last minutes, hours, days, weeks.
And like Heather said, each person is different, and for me, required personalized approaches and follow-ups. Whenever I told anyone, I told them I’m not going to badger them about it again, but if they have questions, they can ask. Sometimes I’ll follow up with them a few days later to see “if they are okay”, opening up the option if they want to talk about it. Other than that, for the most part, I play my normal act in front of them without mention again ….. I haven’t thought of why I do that, I think to maybe make it clear to them I can still play the role to perfection, even with theirs and my knowledge of my transsexualism, and in a very disjointed way, to suggest that even with the knowledge, a lot of me is still me.
I’m pretty laid back about it too … I cut people a lot of slack, and I think when I don’t respond or react, they just lose interest in trying to goat me, which really hasn’t truly even happened, most challenging comments I’ve received have been more generated from their pain and confusion, not from an evil heart … and on the other hand, I’m like so “OMG …. did you hear Joe Hairdy is TS? Oh wait, that’s me!” …. I can totally appreciate the position in which I’ve placed people …. I also think in some ways my self deprecating humor disarms them …. nonetheless …. my dad nicely intervened when my mom wanted to redecorate my house in a more manly manner …. something I’d have talked to her about if needed, but it’s nice I didn’t have to do it … (it’s not like it’s all frilly, anyways, it’s very dormie in the rooms I use !! lol)
And lastly …. (was that a collective “thank gawd” from the viewing audience?) …. sometimes I think I was a little hypersensitive in maybe “looking” for them to act differently …. and they were probably “looking” for me to act differently …. so I found …. that playing Joe Hairdy as if nothing had been discussed, nicely put the ball in their court if they wanted to have any true involvement in my life … and if they didn’t …. it was like nothing had changed.
You have to take each and every person on their own situation. For instance – I deal one way with my dad who tries to be correct but sometimes, through the sheer weight of the years (I’m 49, he’s over 80) gets my pronoun wrong. I’ll give him
a break on that where I won’t do the same for others because as difficult as it is for him, he generally does try to remember. He knows I’ve struggles with this since I was a kid.
How would you deal with folks who knew you wanted to transition but couldn’t/didn’t? Hopefully they would treat you gently and tenderly, as someone with a great depression whould be treated.
If they don’t “get it” on that basic a level, what else about you aren’t they getting?
haha, well put aims!!
genuinely curious here…how will you deal with people that react to you differently because you divulged that information?
..claire, learning a lot on amynews.com 🙂