A Tight, Well-Balanced Rack
I converse fluently in drunk-speak.
When in such a state,
I slur and mumble with the best of them,
Tossing in some krazy pointing, head wobbling, and spontaneous giggling to boot.
When not in such a state,
I translate the grunts, groans, and fluctuating volume changes of others with ease.
So much so that it really doesn’t register to me when someone is speaking in drunk,
I just understand.
This I mention because recently I had an encounter where I my first thought was …
“Holy krap, I can’t believe he just said that to me.”
Which was quickly followed by the thought …
“And I don’t even think that’s drunk-speak.”
Wanna know more?
Here’s the scoop …
I was in a foreign bar.
I don’t mean a bar in another country,
Or one whose patrons speak another language,
Or embrace another culture.
I simply mean foreign in the sense that it was not my home bar,
Or any of the other three of which I frequent with regularity.
I’ve been to this particular watering hole a few times,
It is definitely pleasant enough.
And I was there with some folks I know well enough,
But not super well.
Though combining the slightly unfamiliar location and quasi-associations,
I was slightly outside my element.
So I was maintaining a fairly sober state of mind,
Paying particular attention and awareness to my surroundings.
So that night I was nursing a Coors Light, watered down even further with an accompanying glass of aqua,
Which really means I was just a couple hops and barley from drinking pure water all night,
So eventually I had to separate myself from the pack and go to the restroom.
Which I did,
Upon leaving the restroom,
And turning the corner exiting the bathroom vestibule area,
I re-entered the full spaciousness of the bar,
Taking a few steps towards our table a distant half bar away.
I was doing the far-away gaze thing,
To avoid making eye contact with anyone.
But as my eyes were still in fact open,
I could not help but peripherally see a guy a few feet in front of me …
Step into my line of walk,
And while looking at me,
Clearly state …
“Nice Rack !”
Now, of course, you already know what immediately went through my mind:
“Holy krap, I can’t believe he just said that to me. And I don’t even think that’s drunk-speak.”
But the more pertinent question is just how did I choose to respond to such an observation.
So, operating in a super, high speed, mental fashion that only a brain tolerating Coors Light can perform,
I arrived at my response by first processing the following:
1. I am in a foreign bar, segregated from my posse for the night, which even if I wasn’t, tonight’s posse wouldn’t be of much assistance if things did take a turn for the messy. I probably should rule out stepping around him while lancing out a caustic “phuck off“.
2. I am in a foreign bar, segregated from my posse for the night, which even if I wasn’t, tonight’s posse wouldn’t be of much assistance if things did take a turn for the messy. It would make a lot of sense to step around him, not make eye contact, and walk back to our table without saying a word or acknowledging his presence. However, I’m really struggling not to say “phuck off“, though I might soften it up a bit by first saying “thank you“. Though again, saying nothing and ignoring does seem to be a prudent course of action.
3. I am in a foreign bar. I don’t remember surveying a pool table here, but maybe there is one behind me. Possibly he is simply observing a properly set up collection of pool table balls and commenting that someone did a good assembly job by acknowledging “Nice Rack !” Unfortunately, in pursuing that thought further, I broke my far-away gaze and turned my head around to see if there was indeed a pool table nearby, or even someone else to whom his comment might have been directed. This, unfortunately, had the unintended consequence of confirming to him I had indeed heard his words and making ignoring him now even less practical. Oh yeah, and there was no pool table, nor anyone else nearby that he could have been aiming those words.
Down to mere milliseconds before needing to make a decision, I worked my way towards my response.
Since he knows I heard him, I have to say something in response. Ignoring him is out of the question.
I need a response that is definitively dismissive as I don’t want to invite a re-encounter or leave open a possibility of encouragement.
I also need a response that isn’t going to be so completely offensive that things get messy.
I turned my head back towards him. Made eye contact, then tilted my head to the left and slightly forward so that my eyes were looking up. Looking at me, he was standing mostly tall with a smiley smirk. I laid out my own responsive smile without displaying any teeth, shook my head “no” in a sad-like manner, stepped slightly around him and while passing by tendered …
“These aren’t the droids you’re looking for. Move along. Move along.”
But it was the only quote I could think of quickly that sorta, kinda seemed to work.
Spins Head 360deg. and says “Something looks different. Have you been Spring cleaning Amy”.
Wow … good eyes, chica !!! Yuppers on the Spring Cleaning, even though it actually was snowing in my neck of the woods yesterday ! 🙂 (I tried to keep it similar to before, but am changing things up a bit, getting pics organized, fixing broken links, making more mobile friendly, and finally adding new posts.) Thanks for noticing ! Hope all is well !
So glad to know that you are still there. I was beginning to think you were posting somewhere else and no-one had told me. Very much looking forward to knew wordage and even perhaps “Chick Fight” will make its long anticipated entrance.
All is well this side of the pond and I’m hoping that things are good with you also and that the weather is improving.Love and Hugs.
First in July 1014
You are a very quick thinker who knows how to diffuse a situation with subtle humor.
Awww … thank you ! Though on the other hand, I’m equally skilled at inciting a situation with not so subtle sarcasm ! 🙂 They are my superpowers ! 🙂
or rather first for me
Stay tuned chica ! I’ll shoot you an email when the updates start flowing and they will.
first in 2014…Shame just when you got to the part of life i reallly wanted to understand you went quiet…all in all thanks for the memories.
C’mon it has been nearly 2 friggin years.
Visiting daily. Why do I do it.
Give us something.
I gotta roll with Karen on this one Amy… It has been a while.
That reminds me, I owe you a field report. (oops)
I hope you’re well!
Hi Heidi ! Yeah … I have to agree with Karen, too. I’m on it. 🙂 Hope all is happening happy for you !
Yup, I’m doing alright thanks! Settling back into life 🙂
Karen ! Okay, I will, thank you for kicking me along ! I will post tomorrow … April 23, 2014.
If I don’t have a post up by noon e.s.t, then is will be around 5:00pm.
I might be working off the HAST clock 🙂
Whatever clock you may be using, I fear it may have stopped.
Can you check the battery please,or maybe give it a wind-up.
Seriously though Amy, it is just so nice to see your voice.
(does that make sense).
LOL Thanks Karen !!! I did think I would pull if off yesterday, only had one thing on my docket, but then the day sorta of exploded. Just a short matter this afternoon, so I’m very optimistic about today ! 🙂
You is obviously a busy busy girl, very much in demand.
I must wait in anticipation of wordage soon.
I miss the intelligent humorous narrative on life.
peace and happiness be with you
Happy Christmas Amy 🙂
I hope your New Year is better than all those that have preceeded it.
Merry Merry Christmas Heidi !!!
“Nothing to see here. Move along. Move along”
C’mon Ames,give us something. It’s been soooooo long.
What’s up, girl ?!?
I’ve been a writing/rewriting machine the past few days, check back here on Monday. I’ve been targeting Monday since it is Amymas ! 🙂
Nuffings up Ames.
Missing you thats all.
Can’t wait for Monday now. Holding my breath. Happy Amymas.
Working on an update right now. Weekend got a bit disrupted as I became a refugee when they evacuated my condo building because of flooding. Can’t wait to get back home ! 🙂
Same old world of drunks and druggies but then you know.
All quiet on the western front?
any news in the world of amynews…any observations after this long time in form?
Hey chica ! Plenty ! Many posts soon. Thanks for stopping by ! Hope all is well !
Yawn….First in a very long while…..
First in 2013.
Yikes ! You’re right ! I just need to post it. Okay, I will, by 12/10.
2012, just to be clear. 🙂
Did I say 2012? 🙂 Though seriously, it’ll be soon.
Happy New Year all 🙂
last in 2012?
Alright now Amy, there’s fashionably late and there’s this!
Hope you’re well 🙂
First in Nov 🙂
Don’t forget to vote!!
Couldn’t agree more ! Listen to Heidi !
Alas, first in July… 🙁
last in july…..perhaps
First in June!
Second in June. Or is that Second of June? 🙂
You made me LOL and I needed it badly, thank you. wow it’s been a while since I’ve been here! Hope you’re doin’ well
From one A to Another … it’s great seeing you again ! 🙂 Thanks for popping in and I hope the laugh is the start of a long string of smiling times !
Karen !!! Thanks for the shout out !!! Hey, that’s a good idea ! I should post those Chick Fight posts ! I soooo got my butt kicked ! Very educational ! lol 🙂
Soooo long between posts these days but still the same writing style that I just love to read.
You still remain one of the top three people in the world I would love to meet.
I have to say one thing though.
What the hell happened.
LOL I didn’t even think of that one ! 🙂
You could, perhaps, have acknowledged the impled ( or overt ) breast reference by paraphrasing Teri Hatcher’s line from Seinfeld – ” Nice ? They’re spectacular !”
Well delt with Ms. Kenobi 😉
I need to send you a picture of a t-shirt a friend gave me…