Oil Change

I know nothing about cars.

I’ll admit it.

Though in the old days,

I got the presumption of knowledge bestowed upon me,

And could fake it fairly well.

But now,

It’s ugly.

Recently I had to get the oil changed in Jayne.

When I pulled in the oil change place,

The oil change technician walked up to my car and started the checklist of questions they ask:

Will you please turn your car off?

How you been here with us before?

What’s your name?

Blah blah blah

Eventually he got to the point of trying to sell me synthetic oil,

Fuel Injection krap,

Some air/gas/filter valve thing,

Oh yeah, and …

Windshield wipers.

I have no klue,

So it’s my policy to say “No“.

But then he posed a question caught me off guard …

Did your husband tell you what type of oil to put in the car this time?

I was like, 

What the phuck?

Where did that come from …

Oh. That’s right,

I’m wearing my fake wedding/engagement ring set,

I wore out the night before,

Best $9.95 I ever spent.

Guess he thinks I’m married.

Well,

May as well have a little fun.

Vaseline“, I said, straight faced as one can deliver in such a situation.

I think you mean Valvoline. I meant the grade, like 10W30. That’s what you have in it now.” He offered, amused.

“I don’t think so, I’m pretty sure he said Vaseline, my husband that is.” I countered, krazy talk.

Well, there’s no such thing as Vaseline oil, Vaseline is a petroleum jelly. Valvoline is a brand of oil.” He provided.

You sure seem to know a lot about Vaseline.” I tossed out for the heck of it.

Yeah, we say the same.” someone placing air in my tires yelled.

Hmmm, 10W30 ma’am? I recommend 10W30.” He suggested.

I don’t know, I better check.” I said, pretending to call someone. “Hey honey, what type of … what? Third drawer from the top to the left of the range. Hey, what type of earl did you want in the car? Okay. Hello.

He said Vaseline.” I offered as I set my phone down.

Did he want 10W30?

He didn’t say, he just told me to remind you to wipe, whatever that means.

Ummm, I’m not sure.

“Wow, don’t you think it would have just been a lot easier to ask me if I just wanted the same oil type I had before, or maybe recommend something different if you thought better, rather than have to deal with this whole ‘what did my husband tell me?’ situation?

Very true.

Kewl, 10W30, then. And don’t forget to wipe.

Next time, I’m sending my husband to do that chore ! πŸ™‚

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11 Comments

  1. I was rear ended on my way to work Friday by a woman driving a Ford Expedition. Needless to say, my little Saturn lost the battle but when the police arrived, he treated me (totally in guy mode since I was on the way to work) totally different then he did the woman who hit me. It was a lot of little things that I’m pretty sure I was the only one to pick up on, but it was evident he thought more of me then he did of her. It was just his mannerisms, the way he explained things to me versus how he did to her.

    Now granted, she deserved to be treated with contempt and like she was an idiot as she clearly was. As she looks at the very minor damage to her monster SUV and then the disaster that was formerly my back end, she says to me…”God, I sure am glad I had this big truck”. Cue to me choking her and police officer pulling me off her but that’s another story for another day.

  2. A post written in true Amy stylee. I chuckled through every word.People around me giving me strange looks.”What you laughing at?”. They just wouldn’t get it. I couldn’t explain it.
    Please don’t ever stop Aims.
    Karen

  3. The best thing about the owner’s manual is it shuts up know-it-all sales dweebs when they try to put on the hard sell for something expensive you don’t need. It’s like the beauty shop drones that try to make you insecure so they can sell you over-priced “product”.

    “You have such beautiful silky hair! What shampoo do you use?”

    “Head and Shoulders.”

    “Oh no! You can’t use a shampoo like that! That shampoo is so harsh it will ruin your hair! You need to use good product to keep your hair healthy.”

    “You said my hair is healthy.”

    “…Yes.”

    “I’ve used Head and Shoulders for more than 40 years.”

    “…Ah…. But…. How do you want your hair cut?”

  4. It kracks me up … I don’t mind it when they talk to me like I’m stupid but I know what I’m doing, that can be fun … but I hate it when they talk to me like I’m stupid about something and I really am.

    Owner’s Manual … I should have thought about that ! Thanks Yodette !!! πŸ™‚

  5. Oil weight Yodette? I just work on the colour!!! Light brown oil means new car. Black oil means time to get a new car πŸ™‚
    Hmmmm, sounds like the usual problems I have at work. I even had some guy try to show me how to use a computer once… Bless!

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