Cheap Gas At A Price

So late last night, after validatioooooon …

I was on my way home.

And saw a gas station that was selling gas about 8 cents per gallon less than the normal $2,351.46/gallon than we’re currently paying (please note though, at least in my home state, $2,350.48 of that is for taxes).

Seeing that I’m rather familiar with the neighborhood (actually ‘hood would be the better term) through which I was driving, and …

Felt moderately safe there,

Plus it being a nice, well lighted national chain and all,

I decided to top off my gas tank before they raised the prices.

So there I was, ‘lil ol’ me, pumping gas in my car …

When I hear this huge, loud commotion going on near the side of the gas station/convenience store building …

Two guys are pissed about something.

I couldn’t understand everything being said,

But it was apparent,

They were close to coming to blows,

Or something physical.

Which is when I did something incredibly stupid.

I looked over in the direction of the fight …

And stared just a little too long.

I know better.

I don’t know what I was thinking.

You don’t look.

You don’t stare.

And the smaller of the two guys in the yelling match,

For some reason must have felt me looking,

Turned, saw me and we made eye contact.

“What are you looking at bitch?“, he screamed at me, taking a few steps in my direction with that “I’m a tough guy” walk. You know the walk … … they that a firm step forward and at the same time dip their forward foot side shoulder down. Ohhhhhh … so tough.

So there I was, all in the quest for saving a phreaking 8 cents a gallon, faced with having to do some quick thinking.

Good thing it’s my specialty. 🙂

First of all, I thought about responding by telling him I was looking at … “A tiny man with bad teeth and a really, really small penis.” Fortunately, however, sometimes I can exercise descretion and wisely chose not to say that.

Then I thought about totally just letting fear overcome me and freezing in place. It was a very desirable option, tempting, yes tempting. One I seriously considered, but no … I chose not to go with that one, remembering that inaction is rarely ever the best decision.

So I went with my last option … assess my situation and plan my response.

Let’s see, Tiny Tough Man With The Small Penis was taking steps towards me.

I doubt I could make it to my driver’s side car door to get safely in my car.

If I made a run for the gas station/convenience store building, Tiny Tough Man With The Small Penis would definitely be able to cut me off before I got there.

There were two other people at the pumps,

But neither seemed like people I could count on for assistance.

Soooooo …

My only option was to quickly put the gas pump away, enter my car from the passenger side and hope I could get in there to lock the doors before Tiny Tough Man With The Small Penis made it to my car.

Damage to my car is always better than damage to me.

But just as I made that decision,

Much Bigger Guy That Was Going To Win The Fight Unless A Gun Was Involved called into question the masculinity of Tiny Tough Man With The Small Penis … apparently because Tiny Tough Man With The Small Penis was walking away from him to yell at a woman.

I also believe Much Bigger Guy That Was Going To Win The Fight Unless A Gun Was Involved referred to me in a fairly derogatory sense …

But at this point, I really didn’t care.

In fact, if it would have gotten me out of that particular situation, I’d have readily agreed with Much Bigger Guy That Was Going To Win The Fight Unless A Gun Was Involved …

“Yuhp, you bet. I sure am a …..”

Now personally, I’m of the opinion that Much Bigger Guy That Was Going To Win The Fight Unless A Gun Was Involved did this out of the kindness of his heart to save me from a very uncomfortable, increasingly dangerous situation.

Though on the other hand,

I guess it’s also possible that he did it because he was the Much Bigger Guy That Was Going To Win The Fight Unless A Gun Was Involved …

And it would be an easy win for him.

Either way …

Tiny Tough Man With The Small Penis lost interest in me and turned back towards Much Bigger Guy That Was Going To Win The Fight Unless A Gun Was Involved.

Apparently Tiny Tough Man With The Small Penis also has a really short attention span.

I briskly put the pump away, returned the cap to my gas tank and got into my car from the driver’s side of the car.

No, I didn’t even finish filling my tank.

I just wanted to leave.

Though in the future,

If Tiny Tough Man With The Small Penis decides to key my car or call me names,

At least now he has a good reason …

For just before I pulled out of the parking lot,

After making sure I was going to be able to pull out immediately,

I looked back towards Tiny Tough Man With The Small Penis …

Tilted my head,

Made a pouty lip face,

Placed my hand visibly in front of my driver’s side window, and

Separated my forefinger from my thumb about 1/2 inch.

I don’t think Tiny Tough Man With The Small Penis saw me,

I don’t think any of the other people by the commotion saw me,

But I sure felt better.

Anyways, I’m pretty sure that Much Bigger Guy That Was Going To Win The Fight Unless A Gun Was Involved will never see this …

But still …

Thanks for the help.

I owe you one ! 🙂