Amy’s Viernes Cinco

A Friday Five hasn’t been posted yet for the week …

And I’ve grown impatient in waiting,

So I decided to ask myself cinco preguntas this week.

Well, these actually really aren’t questions I’ve asked myself …

These are questions people in real life have asked me after finding out my function. The answers to which many of my viewers already know from their own personal experiences. So to you, I apologize for sharing the obvious. But who knows, maybe you’ll read my answers and just shake your heads in disbelief !! 🙂

1. Why do you refer to your transsexualism as your “function”?

That’s just once again me being silly. Or as I’ve recently been accused … me not taking my transsexualism seriously enough. Whatever. It’s a usage of the word that I totally stole from Kate (authentikate) … honestly I can’t remember if it’s a term she used in one of her diary posts or in one of her posts on a message board where only us here transsexuals get to go … but she referenced it something along the lines of telling some guy her function … which immediately conjured up a memory for me of the infamous SchoolHouse Rock Conjunction Junction diddy, which Kate referenced also. So usually when I say I’ve told someone my function, that’s my way of saying I’ve given someone the “I’m a transsexual” speech. Or when I say they figured out my function, it’s me saying they read me, figured out I’m a transsexual without me telling them. Or if I say someone was clueless to my function, it usually means that some guy never figured out I’m a transsexual, despite his persistent attempts to give me razor burn from his 1:00 a.m. shadow while contemporaneously plying me with beer.

2. Why does your voice sound like you always have?

Well, probably because I’m talking to you using the same voice I’ve always used, you butt ! 🙂 However, when it comes to voices, here’s a little primer …

The hormones I take don’t and won’t change my voice. A boy’s lower voice is permanently lowered once their voice changes during puberty … their vocal cords lengthen … and once that happens, it can’t be reversed by hormones. (It’s different for female-to-male transsexuals … the hormones they take will lower their voices … permanently.) Surgeries to attempt to change one’s voice are very risky with questionable results. As such, the way a male-to-female transsexual changes her voice is via voice training and therapy. Fortunately, the average range for a male voice usually overlaps into the range of female voices, making possible to have a very convincing, passable female voice given the dedication and practice. The difference between the average boy “pitch” and average girl “pitch” is about one octave. My boy fundamental frequency (F0) is around 100 mhz, which is lower than average for a boy (boy’s average is around 120 mhz). My girl fundamental frequency (F0) is around 210 mhz. I’m striving to get it to around 240 mhz. But “pitch”/fundamental frequency isn’t the critical tell in a voice … the reasonance is what gets your voice read as boy or girl most of the time. It’s been hard for me to get a decent voice to use, but I’m finally making some headway. I spend about an hour each day practicing it. Currently I’m working with two different girl voices, I use one when I’m not as concerned with people reading me … it’s not a good voice, but it’s higher pitched and much easier to get to and maintain. My real girl voice is still lower pitched, it’s at a 180 mhz F0, and has much more breathiness to it with considerably less nasalness and speech impediment sounding qualities. It’s also still harder for me to hit right on word one, and after using it for a while, my throat muscles are very, very strained. However, it’s quite passable and is the voice that I use when I prank telephone call friends and family or am in search for a beer. If you want to hear a couple of examples of girl voices … check out Kate’s greeting (authentikate) or one of Auntiesolder’s audioblogs.

3. Are you attracted to my husband/boyfriend/male friend?

Geezuz, NO !!!! Honest to gawd, this question/issue has been raised by practically every coupled female friend of mine … I don’t phreaking get it. Is this an issue all women have to deal with … thinking that their friends want their husbands/boyfriends? Maybe it is. I don’t know. But it sure as heck doesn’t apply in my case !! It’s a completely stupid question/issue. I have NO, NONE, NADA interest in your husband or boyfriend. Seriously, most of my male friends and the men I know who are the husbands/boyfriends of female friends … are overweight, out of shape, disgusting pigs. It’s not that they aren’t nice guys, they all are … but if I didn’t know them and any of them asked me to dance, unless I was really desperate for a beer, already drunk off my butt, or honoring a dare of some sort … I wouldn’t even consider it. Seriously, I only have a few friends that are nice looking, decent guys … Hottie, Tenant, Dr. 172, Baked Apple, The Real Golf Snob and Tiger … and just because I acknowledge they are good looking, doesn’t mean their particular look works for me. Besides, with them, it’s total ugh thinking of them in any other way other than friends. (Women can understand that, you see guys, we don’t look at every guy in a sexual way. Guys on the other hand, pretty much critically evaluate every woman in a sexual way at some point. Unless they are gay, then they critically evaluate every man in a sexual way at some point.) Just as they see me as Joe Hairdy still and probably always will … I see them as my friends, but from a Joe Hairdy perspective at times and probably always will. I refuse to even go there mentally with any of them, for if I did … I’d have to poke my eyes out.

Now yes, yes … I know. I probably brought a decent amount of this grief on myself for referencing Hottie as Hottie and mentioning his niceness, kind friendship and great butt. But the whole Hottie thing started out as just a goon … at first for me to drive Shaft crazy as he was coming to terms with this stuff, making that vein in his forehead look like it might pop (hey, I’ve got a life insurance policy on him … mamma needs a new vagina !!) … and then later to do the same thing with Singer (though I don’t have a life insurance policy on her. She’s just usually the sharp, quick witted one and it’s rare that there’s a chance for me to render her speechless). And while everything I’ve ever said about Hottie, his kindness and friendship is true … it’s not like I’m really into The Almighty One. (Sorry, couldn’t help myself ! lol) Honestly and seriously, that’d just be phreakin’ weird people !! 🙂

Though of course, in light of the fairly substantive quantity of self-confidence I usually have … when a female friend of mine actually raises that question/issue … what I really hear is … “Wow Amy, you’re really so cute and hot. My husband/boyfriend will be all into you. Are you going to flirt with him? Please don’t take him away me!! You’re just soooo, soooo beautiful. I know you could if you wanted.” Yuhp, yuhp … that’s exactly what it sounds like they’re saying to me !! 🙂

4. I’ve read your website. Do you make up any of the stories you post on your website?

Sadly enough … no. I don’t. The krap I tell you about is what my life is really like !! Scary, huh? Pathetic? Yuhp. These stories are all not only based in truth, having actually occurred, I really try to be accurate in the details too. (Just ask The UnUsual Suspects, oftentimes I’m writing down some of our one liners just so I get them correct when I do a recap.) And yes, my friends and family are really as great as I make them out to be.

Though I’m not saying I’m perfect, sometimes time, memory or alcohol can cause me to repeat a phrase or quote differently that it was originally stated, but the context is all true. And I have plenty of real life viewers here that are quick to correct me if I make a mistake. Trust me, I get the e-mails.

About the only things I do sometimes is that if I can’t convey an emotion or reaction of someone well, I might give them a minor quote to convey their emotions instead of trying to describe it.

Oh yeah, and I will sneak in some sort of Steven Speilberg-type hidden references at times … things the average viewer wouldn’t notice, but makes for great trivia someday. (Hint: Real names I often reference and attribute to minor, miscellaneous people making a one time only appereance are usually the names of some of my real life friends.)

5. Will you, like, be orgasmic?

You know, it really is shocking how often this question is asked. I was probably surprised the first 42 times or so it was asked, but lately have sorta become numb to it, just laying back, expecting it, knowing it’s coming, waiting for it to get over … you know, kinda like non-orgasmic sex. 🙂

Yes !!!! For the luv of gawd, I hope I’m orgasmic. So does my future husband, whoever that poor soul is … as I’ll be one cranky chica if I’m not. 😉

But first of all, remember … none of this is about the sex … I’d be doing the same thing whether or not sex was an option. Now would I be devastated if I wasn’t orgasmic? No, I wouldn’t be. That’s because what’s important to me is being in the right gender/role and interacting with the world and society as I feel and perceive myself to be.

However, with that being said … I totally expect to be orgasmic and sure want to be. The technique and procedures have become quite advanced over the years. I can’t have children, adoption is the only option in that respect and would love to have that opportunity some day. Visually my results will be difficult for most doctors to tell from natal girls, let alone any boy. About the only issue I’ll have is self-lubrication, though I’m not too up to speed on where technology stands in that respect these days anyways. It might not be that much of an issue anymore either. Hope that’s enough information for you ! 🙂 *snicker*