New Blood

I’ve subbed a few times for some other teams since being let go by my old bowling team back in September,

But I’ve never really bonded with any of these teams I had subbed for …

And honestly didn’t even come close to enjoying myself.

So after trying a few times and just not having any fun …

I stopped subbing, and …

Resigned myself to just engaging in validation activities instead.

Now granted,

I’ve been judging new teams based on a very high standard,

Very high standard.

As my old team was comprised of the kewlest and most fun people one could ever be around …

That’s been well established.

They’ll always be special to me,

I still miss them very, very much,

And will never forget our times together.

However,

One must move on …

(Especially when you find the doors to your old place locked and people on the other side scurrying around trying to hide and make the place look empty !! :))

So my Bowling Agent (a super nice friend who actually has a nickname on this site already, but whose dual identity as my Bowling Agent must remain concealed for the protection of the world) felt I needed to get out and about again,

In manners other than trolling bars by my lonesome …

And found me a league and team that they felt was perfect for me.

Not really competitive,

Lots of fun,

And good people.

So, of course,

Continuing to find new ways to place myself in fresh environments …

Recently I walked up to a group of people I’ve never met before,

Saw looks in their eyes of “who the heck are you?” as I stood before the table of strangers,

And tossed out my modified version of a line from Bull Durham …

I’m the Bowler to Be Named Later“.

Now personally,

I was laughing my ass off to myself with that line,

But I didn’t expect anyone else to get it.

(Obviously, my jokes for mainly for my own personal amusement ! ;))

So imagine my surprise when one of them let out a laugh accompanied with a …

I love it !!!! Bull Durham. That’s great !!

Wow !!!!

Maybe I found someplace where I belong.

Then after some initial introductions,

A phrase was spoken that almost brought a tear to my eye …

Just to warn you Amy, with us … it’s not about the bowling !

Holy phreaking phuck krap …

I’ve returned to the mother ship !! 🙂

My people !! 🙂

As I hung around them …

I noticed more and more similarities between them and my old team,

Such that I have now concluded the distant, extremely long drive I now make to my new bowling hang-out …

Which takes me through the worst place ever to be pulled over on suspicion of an OWI, meaning a three drink maximum,

Takes me not to Bizzaro World,

But Xerox World.

Where everything seems curiously the same.

Oh sure,

There are some minor differences in teams …

The old team drinks Coors Light,

The new team drinks Labatts.

(I still drink Coors Light though, I’m not sure I can bring myself to switching !! :))

On the old team,

I was the oldest by a few years (hey, only 2 – 4 years, so if any of you butts are reading, don’t chirp up and try to make it sound like you’re all so much younger than me !! :)),

On the new team,

I’m the youngest by a few years.

But other than that …

Oh wait,

On the new team we don’t have a gay dude and a metrosexual either,

But other than that …

The differences end,

And the similarities begin.

Both teams …

Tend to be the loudest laughing table there;

Suck at bowling and usually are near the bottom of the standings;

‘High-five’ each other in error because those at the table are talking and not paying attention to what the person returning to the table actually did;

Wait extended periods of time for one bowler who always seems to forget it is their turn … “Hey, where did they go ?? You’re up !!“;

Have one very hot, outgoing woman;

Have one very pretty, laid-back woman;

Have one guy that tells dirty jokes and says stuff that makes you go … ‘huh?‘, but that you freakishly want him to keep doing;

Have one quiet, confident dude;

Have one transsexual;

Are one of the last teams to finish each week;

Have me in my rightful position of anchor;

And have someone toss out a “you whatever” regularly.

Now I’d be lying if I didn’t admit …

That in the back of my mind,

I have concern of another similarity ..

That my so enjoyable company would no longer be welcomed if word of my function got out.

But …

Just because I’m aware of that possibility,

Doesn’t mean I’m going to dwell on it.

I don’t.

I’m not going to avoid doing things,

Having fun,

Living life …

Out of fear that someone is going to have a problem with my past.

Lately I’ve enjoyed the most fun in a bowling alley since last hanging out with my old team some 8 months ago.

An utter and complete blast.

I met some extremely nice and fun people,

My Bowling Agent proved exceptionally skilled in finding me a great team,

And I got to try out some new stand-up material. 🙂

So what if at some point I’m not welcomed back …

I wouldn’t have wanted to miss out on what I’ve experienced so far.

I’m not all about only living in the moment,

But sometimes,

Living in the moment is all that you need.

Dig? 🙂

Anyways, as for the questions I oft get asked:

No, my boobs don’t get in the way when bowling. Not in the least. Golfing … yes. Bowling … no. Now I’m not using my breasts as an excuse for why I lost to Cousin Golfer on the course this year. They had nothing to do with it … he’s just gotten really phreaking good … amazingly phreaking good. I so have dibs on him as my partner at the next family co-ed golf outing. However, when it comes to bowling … they have no impact.

Yes, I still bowl with a dorked up approach.

No, I don’t get grief anymore for using a 12 lb bowling ball.

No, my fingernails have no impact on my bowling either.

Yes, I still get fast food on my way home.

No, despite dropping something like $8 weekly on various raffles and mystery frame games … I still never get my number or name drawn.

Yes, I still do that annoying, supersticious, double toe tap thing on the side of the lane before stepping up onto it.

No, I don’t use Joe’s bowling ball. I use an alley ball now.

Yes, the bathrooms continue to prove to be much cleaner at every bowling alley in the world compared to those at my old haunt.

No, I really don’t think about the possibility that guys are looking at my ass when I’m up there getting ready to bowl. Though I suppose they might be … they are guys after all. And I do have a nice ass.

No, my bowling hasn’t gotten worse. Though I’m still in the process of establishing a handicap at the new place … I’m currently running an average 10 points higher than I used to have.

And,

Yes, I still don’t give a rip about the bowling. I just like hanging out. In fact, if I ever actually appear to be showing signs of giving a rip about bowling, all of you have permission to totally smack me right upside the head. Not that I’ve ever had to give some of you that permission in the past ! 🙂

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11 Comments

  1. It involves a numbing agent, strict breath control, manipulating the muscles controlling the back of your tongue in unconventional ways …

    And a banana or appropriate substitute.

    That’s all I’m saying !! 🙂 LOL

  2. However, if you can find a simplier method for me to use … I’d really, really appreciate !!! 🙂 I understand people are getting kind of sick of just seeing me wear blue !! lol 🙂

  3. It’s a great idea … actually there’s a device under patent consideration that does that very thing. My dad is keeping an eye on it for me …

    What I still do at times when shopping by myself and if the tags don’t give me a color clue of sorts, is I take a picture of it, and then on my computer at home I have software that I use which will tell me the color of an item I’m pointing to in a picture … though I usually go with the number combination more than the word descriptions … gives me a better clue. It’s a pain, but it does work. One word of advice … some stores get really pissed off at you if they see you taking a picture of any of their merchandise … so if I really like something, I usually purchase it and color check it at home, just returning it later if it’s a no go. Though I hear some stores are starting to limit returns, but I haven’t run into that yet.

  4. I’ve got an idea for an invention. How about a small color reader? It would be a little hand held device where you look through a little view finder as you do a camera and there’s a little circle in the center of the view. You put an object to read in the circle and press a button. The device then displays a text description of the color. You could them press another button and get more information like its position on the color wheel. You could use that to pick out complimentary colors for easy color coordination, for example.

  5. I agree … I do need to purchase a new bwall, my old one has Joe’s initials on it … which for those that haven’t figured it out … aren’t the same as mine. 🙂 I just haven’t decided out what an Amy Bowling Ball should look like yet … I need one with a bit of flair.

    I still wore Joe’s shoes though … however I’ve replaced the tattered beige laces of years past with what looks to me like purple and pink ones. 🙂

  6. Buy an Amy ball is my suggestion. Every bowler should have her own shoes and ball. I mean, how can you depend on having a ball if you can’t depend on having a ball… 🙂

  7. AMY!!!

    My BROTHER reads this…how am I s’possed to say that you taught me that…without havin some real ‘splainin to do?

    ‘Kenna

  8. Oh sure … you’ll admit in public that I’ve taught you stuff about moving on …

    But you still deny me teaching you how to do that thing with a banana !! 🙂

  9. Even though I’m your older sis, you’ve taught me a lot about moving on…and NOT moving on…something that I was supposed to teach YOU!

    Glad to hear ya havin’ fun again.

    ‘Kenna

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