Watching My Language

I swore … not a great deal or anything …

But probably a bit more than your average bear.

Though 80% of my swearing activities were either at work or resulting therefrom.

And I did try to watch where I swore …

Around children? … Definitely a no-no,

Around women? … Blame it on my southern upbringing, but again, a no-no. (They can speak up if I’m wrong, but I think I rarely ever swore around Sister and Singer, and when I did, most of the time I apologized. To which Sister usually replied, “You pussyfuck.“)

Around strangers? … Nope, that’s just rude.

So really, it was mainly around the office and “the guys”.

And we all know the best, most versatile swear word of all is “fuck“. It’s a pretty harsh word, though in boy mode, it was my word of choice. I tried to soften it some here, by spelling it phuck … but still, I think it should only be used for very special occasions.

I also liked the words cocksucker and douchebag. Yeah, I know.

Now people, when they are really angry, swear a bit differently … maybe louder, maybe while pounding something, who knows. Shaft, for instance, swears in triplicate … same word in a escalating cresendo … fuck, fuCK, FUCK !!! Me? I used to combine swear words together, making up words and phrases, usually using those three words or a derivative … cocksucking muther fucking douchebag, fucking bag of cock suck … you get the idea.

Anyways … I’m bringing this up because for the most part, I swore in my charade of being a guy. I didn’t start swearing until college, where for the first time, I found it really more challenging to pull of the guy act … so if I swore, they’d never suspect I wasn’t anything but as I was presenting myself …. you know, I’m a guy … grunt, grunt, grunt.

But now that I’m not faking it anymore, my swearing has toned down significantly … it’s really clear to me that it’s not part of my nature … sarcastic, one liners are more my natural mode of insultcommunication.

Though …

Every now and then … it’s really useful to have a nice swear word at your disposal. So I’ve put some thought into the swear words I’m going to include in my vocabulary … and the winners are:

Bitch … I use it in two different ways: One, to describe a female I don’t like – which I don’t use very often; And two, to describe female friends in a teasing, joking sort of way – Claire and Kenna are generally the recipients of this usage.

Bastard … The male equivalent of bitch. Though sometimes, I toss it out as a descriptive to a guy I’m feigning disinterest in, but from whom I would like some attentiooon.

Asshole … Sometimes used in jest, but more frequently used to describe a total jerk. Usually other drivers.

Those are fine for descriptive needs, but … I needed a nice exclamation swear word … and there were really only two possible choices … shit or damn. Yeah, right. There’s only one possible choice … I’m going with damn. Though I think I’m going to go more often with the usage over-attributed to Dr. McCoy from Star Trek fame … dammit.

So that’s it … my use of swear words will be limited to the following: Bitch, Bastard, Asshole and Damn (Dammit).

Oh … and this doesn’t mean I won’t continue to say … “What the …”, “Jerk”, “Yeah right”, “Whatever”, or any other near-swear word or phrase. ‘Cause face it, that’s just in my nature. 🙂

Similar Posts

6 Comments

  1. Yea ? Well, listen here Bee-ach,

    I hardly swear at all. No really. Its reserved for those very special moments like when I pinch my phucking finger in my truck door, or the gawd damn dog shits on the carpet in the dining room, or the asshole of a garbage man leaves the tops off the garbage cans and they get filled with scummy water. Or…in those rare cases like where the prick in front of me at the EZ Pass lane remembers that he doesn’t have an EZpass after he tries to go through and we have to wait for a toll attendant…or…how about the stupid phucking ATM machine that eats your card, or perhaps its the…

    Well, you get the idea. I don’t really swear very much. I was told its not ladylike.

    Makenna

  2. My sarcasm is for humor purposes … I really don’t get angry too much, so it’s few and far between when I’ll toss out a liner meant to bite. You can always tell the manner in which I’m delivering the “bitch” or “bastard” line … it’s usually with a smirk or smile on my face.

  3. I don’t like “bitch” very much. “Bastard” doesn’t go down very well either. It must be a reserved British thing – we hardly ever use these words humorously. Sarcastic one-liners are much more effective put-downs, but I seldom ever meet a person I’d want to hurt like that. I find that the trouble is, once you’ve said something, you can’t take it back again.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *