A Helping Hand

I’ve been in a pretty bad way the last week or so,

Not physically. But emotionally.

At first I attributed it to just the post-surgery blues, and sort of talked myself into believing that was the genesis of my melancholy,

But I don’t think it was the primary reason.

Instead, I think I have been significantly affected by the isolation I’ve found myself experiencing since my ffs combined with the increasing feelings of frustration I experience perpetuating the boy myth.

At the end of last week, the two people who don’t have any free time in their schedules … Shaft and Singer … sensed my angst enough and found a way to e-mail and call me to let me know I’m still remembered.

Critical, absolutely. But I feel guilty imposing on their time.

I think I should spead my neediness among others !! 🙂

So then I had the positive Disclosure experience with Sister.

And that interaction, discussion so helped.

Tremendously.

But still, I just couldn’t shake the dreary feeling.

I tried to force myself out this past weekend. Did some mwalling, saw family … but the cloud was thick.

Despite the face of fineness I was trying to present.

I even did something I rarely do in an attempt to shake the feeling, I didn’t go into the office yesterday. I worked, not a great deal, but I got some things done from home. And mainly just sort of … vegged.

Until 5:00ish when I went to meet The Usual Suspects for the bowling tailgate.

And this time, it would be the first time I had seen all of them together … after they all knew.

I didn’t have any anxiety about seeing them just because they all knew now, but I had some hesitation seeing them as I don’t want them to associate the new face with Joe Hairdy. The changes, though subtle, are enough that I don’t want burned into their memory as belonging to Joe, something I’ve mentioned often and Shaft commented was happening to him yesterday. But it was an accommodation I had to make for myself. I needed some human contact, in a casual setting, with people I trust.

Now I didn’t bwowl last night with them. I could have, but got the vibe that now that they all knew, they sort of just needed some time together to talk amongst themselves, not about about me in a behind my back way, but about me to sort things out … process. So when they left to go bowling, I left to go home.

But those 60 odd minutes of just normalness, spending time with the people so important to me …

Did wonders to my disposition.

Each and every one of them couldn’t be a more true definition of friend.

Singer was Amazing; Hottie was Awesome; Sister was Great; New Dude on the Bowling Team Who Doesn’t Have A Nickname Yet was Cool ! (The only person missing was Shaft, but he never tailgates anyway … something about a load limit.)

Now today though …

With my much improved disposition …

And long awaited return to Amyness …

I’ve got some issues to face …

Well, really just one …

What to go as for Halloween?

😉 jk

We all know what issue I have to face. 🙂