These Aren’t the Same Size
A long, long time ago …. in a state far, far away …… I used to dream of being a girl …. and imagine getting ready for school and wearing all sorts of cute outfits …. it was such a core part of the fantasy.
But in real life ….. in real AMY life ….. most of the time ….. clothes are so …. n b d ….
I was thinking about that yesterday …..
I received three skirts in the mail that I had ordered a while ago and was finally getting around to trying them on …..
All three are worky-type skirts …. an above-the-knee navy skirt, another above-the-knee grey plaid skirt and a mid-calf black skirt (sooo ugh …. I look like I’m waiting tables at the country club) ….. anyways ….. of course, they are all the same numerical size, but far from the same reality size … the two shorter skirts fit nicely, the longer waitress skirt was just too snuggers (odd coincidence, huh?, just happens to be the one I didn’t like 🙂 ) ….
But as I’m checking out the look in the mirror, I was thinking …..
Gawd, this soooo doesn’t turn me on ….. now don’t get me wrong, sometimes …. dressing up can be incredibly erotic and sexy ….. at least for me …. but most of the time …. it’s just nothing ….. and there I was ….. trying out articles of clothing that soon will be standard additions to my work uniform …… and I was so like, totally blah about it, in fact, at one point I was thinking what a pain this one skirt was going to be having to manipulate ……
And then I freaked …. OMG !!
That’s not right ….
I should be excited, I should be happy, I should be thrilled …..
About wearing skirts to work ….
And I’m not …. geezuz …. maybe I shouldn’t transition !!! OMG !!!! Yikes !!!
But then I remembered …..
I don’t think the average guy gets all aroused seeing himself in a sassy pair of suit pants ….. just like the average girl doesn’t get all thrilled by seeing herself in a new work skirt …..
And unlike this odd caricature of a typical woman built up in my earlier fantasies who live for their clothes, I don’t …. heck …. I’m not a caricature, I’m me, and that appears to be …. just your average girl. 🙂 Kewl.
(Besides, I’m not the one that I want to get turned on seeing me in a skirt …. it’s the guys with whom I’ll be working !! But that’s a story for another day. 🙂 )
Thanks, Sianna.
shaft–
thank you!
(and i’m much too polite to argue with you!)
🙂
I’m pretty certain that if Amy trusts her instincts she’ll have a bright future, so long as she has friends like Shaft.
Still, this is a very hard road to walk. As far as the clothes thing goes, I”ve never felt “turned on” by anything I wear, but when I dress in my girl mode outfits (all conservative mind you) it feels “correct” and I just don’t feel as tense or irritated. The boy format clothes are ok, but stay in them too long and I get really bitchy and depressed, which is something that I’m sure surprises no one. 😛
And certainly, wearing something that looks good on me in girl mode can really lift my spirits, much the same way a man might feel in a 10,000$ Armani suit.
I don’t have a sassy pair of suit pants, but I do have a saggy pair suit pants. In the easy for me to say catagory, don’t overthink it, Amy. Clothes are clothes. BTW, Stacy, you make too many great points to be utterly nutty.
we could talk about autogynephelia,
but let’s not…
the fact that clothes aren’t consistently
thrilling you is a good sign,
and strongly suggests that you are RIGHT
in choosing to transition…
unless you’re hard-core radical,
you want most of your life to be typical,
and typical women don’t get excited about
all of their clothes all of the time…
i surveyed natal friends on this question,
which is how i know…
it’s not the clothes themselves,
but the fact that the clothes are part of the
“excitement package”
you know you look great,
so you feel excited…
ME ME ME alert;
clothes are a detail of my life that make me
wonder about myself–
maybe i AM a profound and utterly nutty drag queen
🙂