Big Bottle of Krazy

Those of ya’ll that know me …

In real life,

Are well aware that despite my moderately outgoing nature,

Whatever !!! 🙂

I’m a big bottle of krazy insecurity when it comes to my passability.

I assume that every time I katch someone looking at me,

Or when I meet pretty much anyone for the first time,

I get Function called.

It’s probably not entirely healthy that such is my baseline belief,

As I’ll admit,

It does mess me up on occasion.

Oh yeah.


I do have a fairly decent handle on it,

So it’s not as unhealthy a confidence deficiency as one might suspect it to be.


On occasion,

My severe p2 does kreate some sweet,

To me,


Today I was at my post office,

Which has the rocking-ist kewl post office staff.

They are my favorite !


I just always assumed they knew my Function,

At least two of them with whom I normally gab.

I mean,


Joe went to the same post office regularly before,

And I have a post office box there where to this day Joe continues to get mail,

Mainly junk.

But it’s the same post office box where I have my mail forwarded since I moved a few years back,

As well as a drop point for a few of my friends’ local mail deliveries.

So yes,

It is accurate to say,

Mail to several different people gets delivered to that box.

But still,

I just always figured,

That everyone there knew that mail sent to Joe …

Was mail sent to me.


That is …

Until today.

For today there was one of those yellow cards in my post office box saying I had a delivery to pick up at the counter.

So I meandered my way to the counter,

Shouting hola’s to my post office peeps.

We gabbed about the weekend,

And then one went in the back to get my delivery.

Turns out it wasn’t a delivery for me,

But one for Joe.


It was from a charitable organization to which he contributed,

And it didn’t appear to be anything special,

Other than it was too large of an envelope to fit into the smallest post office box one could purchase,

Which is what I have purchased.

It was a little thicker than I would have thought it to be if it was just an annual report,

So as I gabbed there at the counter with one of the post office rockers,

I started to open it,

You know,

To see what it was,

Maybe it was a calendar !!!

Woot !

And that’s the moment I got a pleasant Monday morning surprise.

You’re not going to open his mail, are you?

I was queried.

Ah …

I intelligently proffered in order to buy some time for composing a response,

While the dj in my head spun Pachelbel’s Canon in D …

History’s greatest one hit wonder …

To give my brain some classical encouragement while crafting an answer.

Getting close …

Close …

Closer …

Got it.

I’m definitely not going to …

At least in front of you,

I delivered accompanied with the “Snarky Eyes Moving Side to Side” move.

Good, because that you’re not supposed to do.

I generated the intended laugh, change topic response …

And a new topic of conversation was gravitated towards.

But when I eventually turned to leave,

I did thank them for making my day,

Though now,

I’m not sure if they have any idea why.

Epilogue: When I got back to my office, I opened up Joe’s mail. And sadly, it turned out to be just an annual report. I was disappointed. I really did want a calendar.

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  1. Here’s my take on this.

    Never admit your function to strangers.

    Never, never, ever.

    (Except maybe doctors or lawyers, if there’s a reasonable need to know.)

    Most people aren’t that bright, and even if they are suspicious, use the Force to make them see things differently.

    I’ve been in stealth mode for twenty years – without the benefit of FFS. And, no, I’m not the cutest chick around. In fact, part of the reason I’ve lurking around here is that I’m shopping for an FFS surgeon. Why now? Well, I’m divorced, and so I figured a bit of body work is in order before I put myself back out on the market.

    So if I can do it, you can too.

    You’re way cuter.

  2. Amy you went back to Joe’s office? who is Joe? and why did you not go to YOUR office and open Joe’s mail? You are too beautiful to worry about passing hun!!! really!!!!

  3. OK, my rss feed is stuck on lazy and didn’t tell me there was life happening here. Or more accurately a snapshot of a life happening. The story made me smile. It tells a lot, really, and even prompted some reflection about myself. On one level I certainly would join with the others and say, objectively, your baseline beliefs on being function called in the day to day are needlessly too sensitive. However,what does the objective have to do with our own self-perception and insecurities?

    A few weeks ago I was with a small group of kindred souls, and a friend of mine and I were talking about what we didn’t like about our bodies. This transguy chimed in and said something like “you women are ALL the same. You sound exactly like my friends I had when growing up. It used to drive me crazy how they obsessed over every single imperfection.” That observation put so much in perspective. Such irony too!

  4. “Whoever, without authority, opens, or destroys any mail or package of newspapers not directed to him, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than one year, or both.” (18 USCS § 1703)

    Were you authorized by Joe to open his mail? I think we got you covered sweetie…next time just tell them Joe doesn’t mind!

    P.S. It’s sooooo good to see you dust off your webpage and toss us a blog or two! We missed you sweetie!


  5. A calendar???? if you need one i can go to staples and mail you one but what if it doesn’t fit the po box??? i will make sure they know its AMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AD while were at it ..pass? OMG you are so beautiful how can you even think that you don’t if i was a guy i’d love to date you !!!!!! just be you !!! enjoy life !!!! your all girl! HUGS

  6. Karen !!! Yes !!! I’m baaaack ! 🙂 I do use noggin’ in my day to day lingo … Yodette is probably right, it might be a Midwestern thing here on this side of the pond. I am going to start using the word "crikey" now, too. I’ll have to pay your royalties !!! 🙂

  7. Amy.
    You’re Back!!!!
    We sure have missed you around these parts.
    2 great amylicious posts to savour.
    Hope they don’t have to last us 5 months though.
    Tell me. Do you really use the word “noggin” over the pond.
    Crikey. x

  8. Hmmm Vickie … I didn’t know I was doing that to those with Macs. I’ll check to see if I’m causing the problem … it might be a br v p setting issue I’ve got misconfigured.

    Eh … passing insecurity is really no difference that just appearance insecurity natals experience. We tend to never think we look good enough. I really don’t dwell on it anywhere near as it might sound with this post … it’s just a sort of default setting in my noggin’.

  9. She lives!

    So long as you don’t lurch around like a stevedor when you walk or speak in a baritone, no one ought to tumble to your function. Assume no one clocks you and almost no one will. Seriously.

  10. Cute story. I don’t think Dr. Z’s star patient needs to worry about passing, girl!

    You know the way you double space your text it messes up the built-in reader in my iMac. It pauses at every double space and sounds pretty weird. LOL



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