Weird Question of The Month
The month isn’t quite over,
But the following question has already won …
Hands down.
A few weeks ago, at bowling, one of my male friends posed the following:
Are you wearing granny panties or a teddy?
Now first of all … my friend that asked the question, is a totally kewl and funny guy, happy married to another really kewl friend of mine, so the question wasn’t as offensive as it may sound.
It might have been coming from others,
But when posed by him …
It’s crude, tasteless, and really, really funny.
Traits I enjoy in a joke.
Besides,
His delivery was dead-on.
And honestly …
I know this might be hard for you to believe,
But sometimes I make a snarky comment or four …
Of which occasionally he has been the recipient (just for the record though, a couple of them were really, really, really funny resulting in team high fives all around the table).
So in light of some of my well chosen commentary I’ve tossed at him …
I probably deserved a zinger or two being tossed my way.
However,
I will admit,
The question did totally catch me off guard,
As I was surprised how clueless I’ve become …
In not realizing that sometimes when I got up to bowl,
A guy might be checking out my butt.
I remember what it was like in the old days …
How when sitting back at the table pretending to be “one of the guys”,
Every now and then one of the testosteroni chosen would toss out a …
“GRUNT Check it out dude … no panty lines, no panties !” or
“Thong, she’s definitely wearing a thong I’m telling ya !! SCRATCH YAWN BELCH“.
But yet,
It hadn’t dawned on me how …
Now I might be the ass under inspection. 🙂
How soon one forgets.
Of course,
The first words out of my mouth were the obviously indignant …
“I DON’T wear granny panties,”
Followed quickly by the …
“And besides, what were you doing looking at my butt ??”
To which my friend calmly, bluntly and honestly replied …
“I’m a guy, that’s what we do.”
Hmmmm. Yeah … he’s got a point.
Accusation and confrontation clearly wasn’t going to get me anywhere,
So I decided to at least try to get a bit of insight into how the voyeur male mind works.
“Yeah, I guess I can’t argue with that. Anyways, what makes you think it’s granny panties or a teddy?”
“Well,
The fabric certainly suggests a teddy.
Which was what I initially concluded.
However, the pantylines along the leg bands seem like they might be a little thick for a teddy,
And when you bend over to release the ball,
There also appears to be a wide waist band …
Which would also be inconsistent with a teddy.
Definitely mixed signals.
But I’m still leaning towards it being a teddy, leading me to the obvious follow-up question … is it one with or without snaps?”
Wow !
Seriously,
That’s like some intense undergarment analysis.
Not to mention that obviously my Lucky’s may be a bit too tight to allow such detailed forensic-work.
Now of course,
The conversation was an open table discussion …
Mainly for the purpose of generating laughs at one another’s expense,
Meaning my underwear was soon being discussed not only by my entire bowling team,
But also by a couple of the guys at the table next to us who tossed out their own thoughts on the topic throughout the rest of the night.
Apparently some recalled my spirited reply a month week day or so earlier of …
“Who said I’m wearing any underwear?”
It’s a sort of goofy strange feeling for me …
Experiencing how my underwear can be such a focal point of interest.
Sure,
I remember how boys talk,
But to me …
It’s just underwear for gawd’s sake,
I really don’t understand why it’s so interesting …
Besides the fact that it’s fairly skimpy, transparent and suggestive. *shrug* 🙂
Anyways …
The discussion of my underwear,
Make me totally self-conscious each and every time I got up to bowl for the rest of the night …
Causing me to bring my average down a good 10 pins or so.
Which proved once again that my reason for bowling is certainly not about the bowling,
But for the laughs associated hanging out with some really kewl, fun people …
Who are willing to sacrifice the team’s score to mock one of our own !! 🙂
As for the answer to the question …
Well,
A girl has to have a little mystery about her,
So all I’m going to state is that …
I don’t own a single pair of granny panties !
I need to drop off some homework, so you can focus on more important stuff…(then Amy’s underwear) men…
Sorry I didn’t spend more time crafting the faux comeback.
Guys will sometimes talk about your underwear to embarrass you, but if you handle it right you can sometimes turn it back on them by reacting as if their interest is a crossdresserÓ³ interest on the item and fake seriously sweetly express your willingness to help him with his Ô°referenceÔ® Depending upon how slickly you phrase the reply there may be a delay before he understands you’ve assumed he’s a crossdresser. In sharp company, all faces will turn to him. ItÓ³ a hoot how fast a guyÓ³ face can turn red before he can stammer a denial.
I admit in company not in on your function it may take nerve to make even a tangential reference to the subject, but I have used the assumed TV comeback several times without a problem.
Thinking … thinking …
You might have me stumped !!
“With such a passion for panties, give me your hip measurement and I’ll buy you a pair so you can add them to the collect you wear them around the house.”
Ah, the boss speaketh. “Shutup!” saith she.
And shutupeth he doeth.
Fer chrise sakes…would somebody please slap my brother!
GF, thanks for the props on the quote, but in all fairness to Spuddy, it was his legendary statement.
Laura a –
1) No granny-panties? Best thing I’ve read in this post.
2) When people are staring at your butt, give them something to look at. (Reminds me of Bonnie Rait – “Lets give them something to talk about….”) Go to the gym, get a GOOD coach (Form is EVERYTHING here) and do 5-8 sets of heavilly weighted freeform squats. (MAKE SURE THE FORM IS PERFECT, or you may end up with a back like mine – some experiece is speaking here – listen to it — In 6-months your butt will look like a little valenine – and with all that estrogen in your system, it won’t get bigger, it’ll just get shaplier. Yum.
3) HRT will do that. Aren’t you GLAD?
hugs
GHF
OK, I’ll admit that I AM a grandma. But, ain’t no way I’m ever gonna wear granny panties.
It would be weird to try to bowl, or anything else, when you know people are staring at your butt.
Then on the other hand, I find it rather nice that it looks good enough for them to stare at. Haven’t we waited a long time for this moment?
Hey Amy, this is Victoria (you know, the one with the slingshots.I’m my fathers daughter, what can I say?)
That reminds me of how some girls are VERY open with their underwear. Not more than two days ago i was at a friend’s house (we’ll call her friend X), changing into a costume, when another one of my friends (friend Z) grabs the only thong that X owns and (literaly) “slingshots” it across the room. I grab it and send it sailing back across the room thus reinforcing the phrase “slingshot” and showing how good, heathly fun can be had with underwear. Not unlike at a bowling alley. But without boys.
That “Weird Question of The Month,” btw, still isn’t any better than Shaft’s “Hey, dude, are your nipples always going to be that hard from now on ??” (Spuddy Quote of the Day, July 01, 2004, AmyArchives).
Oh dear – laughing with you at your antics – I think I’m gonna pull a staple – oh damn! I think one just ripped – oh jeezz….
Now see, with or without snaps is a givaway – he’s just a dumb guy. WITHOUT snaps is a teddy: WITH snaps is (more) of a bodysuit.
But bodysuits may also have some lines here and there, teddies generally don’t. And, there are so many OPTIONS for women.
How does a guy – me – know these things? Because I live in a SEA of estrogen – with THREE women. One of them wears granny panties, one wears panties, and the other one takes her dad on a trek to Victoria’s Secret on a VERY regular basis because her mother won’t (“YOU LET HER BUY WHAT???”). She has an assortment of stuff I never even knew existed. When she does a “load” of underwear it comes out to about a pound-and-a-half — wet.
And you’r right – to a guy it’s just underwear – and it might well last as long as all the rest of my clothes – forever. Grey, saggy, no stretch left, holes, hell, they don’t even do their job amymore (pun?) – but they’re there, so maybe you put them on. (I’ve been known to go commando more than once though).
Bodysuits, THOUGH REALLY COOL, are “so” outre.
So knowing Amy, either it was a slingshot (my daughter Victoria’s term) from Victoria’s Secret, a teddy, or nothing at all.
Guess we’ll never know.
OK, so, she’s back.
whew.
And now we know why.