Affirmation
Wednesday night,
I did something I’ve never done before,
And I didn’t even realize it until the night was practically over.
Now …
Regular viewers know that Wednesday night is UnUsual Suspect night,
And I was in a serious mood to go hang out.
My self-imposed restraint on most extracurricular activities until my SRS …
Has kept me out of bars,
And from most social outing situations,
Which was quickly approaching the “driving me up the phreaking wall” point.
Now we all know,
Singer is the fearless leader of The UnUsual Suspects …
And usually sends us an e-mail at some point on Tuesday or Wednesday letting us know …
What’s What, and
Where’s Where.
However,
I never received my e-mail this week.
So I tried calling her,
But just got her voicemail.
Bummer.
Not yet giving up,
I then called our back-up social planner,
Miss Daisy, aka Vicky Stubing.
He said he hadn’t heard anything himself, but wasn’t probably going to go out …
Strike One.
Well, I was pretty sure that Sister wasn’t going to be there,
Since we usually have to engage in active peer pressure much earlier in the day when we are able to coerce her into joining us during the summer months.
So I decided to call Hottie …
Which isn’t usually the most imformative,
As he, like me, usually doesn’t seem to get the word of what’s up until the last minute …
But I called anyway,
And got his voicemail.
Dammit.
Hottie almost always takes my calls …
Probably because I call him so rarely,
That when I do call,
He figures it might be an emergency.
Well … this was such an emergency,
I needed a drinking buddy !! 🙂
Strike Two.
Now fortunately at this point Singer called me and said she was on her way to one of our hangouts …
That she hadn’t heard from anyone else,
But that two of her other friends might be showing up,
And they might bring some others.
Well, thinking that his was possibly going to turn into a drinking gathering for one of Singer’s other group of friends,
I was hesitant to krash that party …
And told Singer I’d think about it.
Hmmmmm …
I didn’t want to be a party krasher,
And decided I’d try again.
I hadn’t heard back from Hottie,
Finally deciding he was either hanging out with Baby Spice, in an area out of cell coverage or actually just busy with work and things,
So I called Miss Daisy back and tried to bribe him into joining for drinks so I wouldn’t be the only Suspect there that didn’t know people …
“I’ll drive you home,” I offered right off the top,
Which is the ultimate in negotiation offers to him since he still lives in BFE.
Unfortunately, he still conveyed disinterest.
Oh well,
Screw it …
It’s not like I haven’t krashed parties in the past,
And Singer did invite me to join them.
So I stopped and picked up the requisite offering one brings to the princess …
And made my way to the bar of the evening.
I got there 1 minute before Happy Hour ended.
As soon as Singer saw me enter,
She promptly ordered me two beers,
One kept on ice.
Very smooth, cost-conscious move !!
Another reason why she’s our leader ! 🙂
Anyways,
It was just Singer and I for the first couple of hours,
Which almost never happens.
Now we all know how critical The UnUsual Suspects have been for me …
And when just hanging out …
I am never at more ease, comfort and happiness than when I’m hanging out with this collective group of butts …
Whether it’s all of us or just a few.
So it was beyond relaxing just hanging out as we were.
We even received a celebrity call from Sister …
Who couldn’t join us that night because she was busy cramming for a quiz that she’s taking today.
Good luck Sister !! 🙂
Anywhose,
Around 8:00 pm,
The rest of the girls started to show up.
Wholelotta and Wholelotta’s Regular Drinking Buddy were first …
(For those new to the show, Wholelotta is a good friend of Singer’s who knows my function and has become someone who I really look forward to seeing and hanging out with … so I was geeked about seeing her arrive; and, Wholelotta’s Regular Drinking Buddy, is someone who I really have no idea if she knows my function or not, though we have met in the past.)
We were eventually joined by a handful of others,
And finally …
87 lines after starting this post,
I get to its point:
This was the first time I every was hanging out as one of the girls …
Where the majority of people didn’t know my function, AND
There were no guys around.
Meaning …
For the first time in my life,
I was a participant in completely open girl-talk.
And you know what …
It was so natural and normal for me,
That I didn’t even think about it until I was readying myself to leave.
In the past,
When I was hanging out “with the guys”,
I was always consciously aware that I had to be on …
Had to convincingly play the role of Joe Hairdy …
Know exactly the lines I had to say,
And deliver them with conviction,
Lest anyone figure out that I really wasn’t one of the guys.
I did it very well …
But trust me,
You don’t pull it off like I did unless you were putting forth a great deal of effort.
No conversation in any setting like that was ever relaxing or easy for me.
But Wednesday night …
Was totally different.
I didn’t have to think of what lines I had to say,
I was just able to be me …
And it was so incredibly easy.
A significant decision affirming moment.
Mucho credit and hugs to Singer for getting me there and to this point in my life;
Lotsa love to Wholelotta for just being so real and natural with me; and
Thanks to the women I met that night,
Who knowingly or unknowlingly let me experience what my life was and is supposed to be like.
I love being me ! 🙂
Epilogue:
First things first, this wasn’t an alcohol induced moment of clarity. I was driving myself home and as such nursed a mere three beers over the course of 5 hours.
Second of all, I know plenty of guys read my website, so you’re probably curious what kind of girl-talk takes place when the guys aren’t around,
And wondering …
If I’m going to spill the beans since I sort of have a decent perspective from both sides, or …
If I’m going to just clam up and claim I switched sides.
Well, here’s the scoop …
I really didn’t “switch sides”, for most of my life to date, I was a secret agent infiltrating the world of boy …
My loyalty has never waivered,
Meaning …
Though I certainly don’t claim to know how guys think,
Because you are a disturbing, annoying, albeit attractive, mystery to me …
I do know what you say and talk about when girls aren’t around.
And that …
Will be readily shared with any woman that desires such information, as …
Many Bothans died to bring us this information.
But as for sharing the corrollary data with you …
It’s just not gonna happen.
Sorry. 🙂
Wow Yodette! I try to refrain from commenting on comments, but thankyou for that perspective. I suppose most of that information is easily accesible but sometimes I forget to look at the historical importance of an organization. I suppose something that seems like an obstacle from one side, could be doing a lot of good in a less obvious way. Maybe it’s just a case of disliking the SOC, and transferring that to the organization itself without complete justification. It would of course be nice if some things were changed though.
Amy, sounds like a lovely night. I’ve been having a lot of those just the girls nights myself lately, sometimes where very few are influenced by knowing my function. I for one appreciate your confidentiality of our secrets and hereby pledge my similar loyalties! I don’t make a very good secret agent anymore–but my data banks are full and available when needed. 🙂
Amy,
Ok, lets put this into a trusted way of telling this story of Wednesday night.. Amy-Wan and her trusted band of Jedi went out on Wednesday to relax after fighting closed minded pepsi drinking people of the planet Asscar. While having a great time Amy-Wan and her band of Jedi were spotted by a senator of the republic who experments with the dark side of the force.
Amy-Wan and her band of Jedi using their keenly focused jedi powers hone in on this dark side of the force and before this senator can report back and place this information in one very long mind numming report that would bound to send the senate of the republic into caos and plunging it to the dark side of the force. Amy-Wan and her band of jedi quickly dispose of this threat to the fun side of the force by using their finely tuned jedi powers and a light sabre (blasters are too messy).Amy-Wan and her trusted band of Jedi are successful and the force is returned to balance.
Thus ends this story good.
I have a good friend who was a charter member of HBIGDA. HBIGDA was formed in response to several very negative situations. In the late ’70’s John Hopkins put a new shrink in charge. He hated the idea that the medical school treated perverts with surgery so he had a rigged “study” done to purport to show hormones/transition/SRS had go value. After the bogus study was published it became harder to find mainstream medical care. Those who provided care for us had their backs against the wall, professionally, with numerous threats to have their licenses revokes and threats to their hospital privileges and practice partnerships. Since there were no standards of care, the whole field lacked recognition for medical legitimacy and that was used against those who wanted to help us.
In addition to attacks from professionals who disapproved, there were quacks who were doing great harm. The dreaded doctor “Butcher” Brown was doing horribly bad and unethically dangerous “surgery” in California leaving many of us maimed. Part of the reason HBIGDA was formed was to put standards in place that could be used to go after the professional licenses of quacks like Brown.
HBIGDA did NOT originate the mental illness model. That was the model in use at the time by the American Psychiatric Association and the model was shared by the psychiatric organizations in many other countries. In order to form workable standards of care, they incorporated the science of the time. Even today HBIGDA does not control what’s in the DSM and has little if any influence with the APA towards what’s in the DSM. I strongly disagree with the mental illness model, but HBIGDA isn’t the place to address effective reform.
The bogus Johns Hopkins study and lack of recognized professional legitimacy (lack of official standards of care) allowed notorious bigots like Janice Raymond to lobby Congress to such travesties as our specific exclusion from federal disability protection, for example.
When I started it was hard to find any doctor to prescribe hormones unless you traveled to San Francisco or New York or Baltimore or Galveston. The number of doctors and surgeons rapidly increased in the early to late ’70s. Then, after the Johns Hopkins “study” it got much harder. Biber became THE surgeon because he couldn’t be intimidated to stop doing SRS. Many other surgeons yielded to professional pressure and stopped treating us. It was the formation of HBIGDA and the resulting claim to legitimacy that enabled those who cared for and about us to continue to help.
It’s easy to rail against anyone who seems to be an obstacle when you don’t understand the history and what they’ve done for us. Then organization is not without its neanderthals, stuck in the mind set of 1980, but it also has modern progressive members as well. Also, be aware it’s an international organization and reflects medical opinion from around the world, not just the US. To put a US-centric interpretation on it would be a mistake.
Oh…I just love it hen I come t the party late and all the beer is gone. NOT!
Yea. I know what you mean…and I feel the same damn way.
Did anyone catch the show on FX called Rescue Me..(or soemthing like that) Firehouse show. Guy gets fixed up with a T-woman, and his buds play it for a while. Lotsa laughs, right? Wrong.
No, I don’t want to be on the receiving end of someones “attitude” when they make a move faster then I can stop them.
Sometimes “look but don’t touch” isn’t quite understood.
‘Kenna
I was going to write a post on my opinion of the HBIGDA and HBSOC … but your comment states it in a much more concise and precise manner.
Thank you.
And I’m sure my dad thanks you, he thinks most of my posts are too long also … typical e-mail from my dad after I publish a longer post.
Amy,
Today’s post, I read it all and have but a one word reply … “Huh?”. Please summarize in 20 words or less. Thank you.
Love,
Dad.
🙂
actually, more to the point and without my tongue in my cheek, what else would you expect from someone who harps on the HBSOC?
delia’s comments came from a position that sees TSism and all the behaviors that it involves as somehow related to a psychological disorder – which is the founding assumption of HBIGDA. her presumptuous and disingenuous criticisms of amy’s motivations was entirely in keeping with this basic outlook, and was just as condescending and, frankly, pathetic, as is HBIGDA’s own paradigm.
let’s be clear – the much vaunted HBIGDA is not in the business of “protecting” the interests of trans people… it’s a protection racket, based on an outmoded and offensive model, serving only to perpetuate an elitist system that pathologizes transpeople.
and the people that buy into it in whole cloth, wear the same clothes.
>I’m not sure what prompted the overt, critical analysis of me from my simple, long-winded
what else would you expect from a BMW fetishist?
I’ll take …
“What happens when Laura and Makenna are bad influences on the innocent and pure Amy-Wan?” for $1,000, please Alex. 🙂
(I keep forgeting about that damn camera of yours !! 🙂 It’s such an impediment to plausible deniability !! :))
Just one more thing about your “self-imposed restraint on most extracurricular activities until my SRS …”
If this is true, how come your goosing some guy in damn near every pic I have of you???
Please explain….:-)
Laura
Well, okay, you might have a point Si …
Maybe “conservative” wasn’t the best word for me to use !! lol 🙂
Though come on … prescient is a great word !!! I learned it when I read Dune for the first time !!
*depositing $1 fine into my geek penalty jar*
That was not the point of the post, Delia.
As I wrote eariler …
The point of the post was:
I had a great time Wednesday night, I have some wonderful friends, and I couldn’t be happier.
A meaning unfortunately lost to anyone reading these comments as you seem determined to to continue postulating I have issues of sort and apparently need professional help because of “my self-imposed restraint on most extracurricular activities until my SRS” …
“Extracurricular”, a critical word you omitted from your analysis of me in your last comment, was code for making out with boys, and I’m sure I’m not the only one that understood that …
I have been going to bars less for social “outing” situations (a less artful code for “prowling for boys”, which when successful, leads to “extracurricular” activities) and again I make no apologies for ceasing such until I can do it in what I consider a safer manner.
At no point did I ever suggest that I had any inhibitions about hanging out and engaging in conversation with “like-minded” women …
I simply don’t have any such inhibitions.
However, “like-minded” is not any necessary requirement of mine … differing minds are just as nice to spend time with and often are more interesting, at least in my opinion. For the record, I tend to hang out with people of differing minds.
Lastly, I would venture to guess that on the average week, I am out and about, interacting with people, like-minded or otherwise, just doing normal life stuff, at a pace on par with your average, well-adjusted woman.
Anywhose … I’m not sure what prompted the overt, critical analysis of me from my simple, long-winded :)post … but I will leave the last word on this one to others.
Just remember …
No personal attacks (except at the editor :));
No dirty words (unless you mispell them in a kewl fashion, oh yeah, and that misspelling was intentional !! :)); and,
Play nice ! 🙂
and whoever invited THAT killjoy to the party? She makes Skylark seem like a coked-out Celine Dion by comparasion.
-.-;;
that was revenge for the usage of “prescient” in your fucking novel length replies, Skylark, 🙂
Amy, ignoring the comment zone freak out, I have to say when you wrote
::t’s not that I tramp it up when out and about, I have my limits and if anything they are quite conservative,::
all I could think of was
“Her lawyer-like skills of deception are slipping”
😀
Sorry, Aims,
Though I see more red flags here than Miss Dig, I wouldn’t hazard a guess regarding a critical analysis of your psyche. Certainly there is far better qualified help than I should you seek it.
In most social situations, keeping one’s crotch covered is paramount. That goes for elevators and public tranportation, too. I think we all agree there.
Obfuscation of statements is the legal profession’s stock and trade. How “most” becomes “some,” and “I did not mean (to write what I wrote)” is professional “artful dodgery.” Truly, I admire such skills.
When I asked how come (you were restricting your activities), it was because I failed to understand why you would restrict any activities social or professional as part of a healthy approach to your transition. I then suggested that there may be other forces, internal or external, that be a factor to prevent you from having a good time and enjoying the company of others.
That said, I’m extremely glad that you were able to triumph over your inhibitions and engage in meaningful conversations with like-minded women. That, I believe, was the point of the message you were trying to convey.
Regards,
delia
>While I admire your craftful reponse, I just don’t buy it.
oh yeah… amy’s just all about those crafty responses, hidden agendas, and unexamined motives.
she’s such a maverick, is our amy. such an unreliable, maladjusted person. surely something sinister lurks ‘neath that fixed, nervous smile.
yep… caught her dead to rights you have, yessiree.
Well, at the time I wrote “most social outing situations”, I meant my validation activities …
I did not mean I was limiting my hanging out activities, as I clearly engaged in on Wednesday night,
Nor did I mean limiting my interaction with the world, as I do on a daily basis.
Though maybe poorly chosen words on my part, I thought the type of activities I was restraining was clearly conveyed …
However obviously I was wrong.
Nonetheless, I’m somewhat stunned that you would suggest that t-girl would be at no greater risk if a guy she was with brushed across a penis than if he brushed across a vagina.
It seems common sense to me that a guy might react more violently if he found an unexpected penis …
But I could be wrong,
And you’re entitled to your opinion.
As for me, I’m simply chosing not to take that chance.
It does seems to me you’re trying to psychoanalyze me too much in your scrutiny of this post …
I wrote the post and know its message …
Simply said,
I had a great time Wednesday night, I have some wonderful friends, and I couldn’t be happier.
The positive message of the post seems to have gotten lost in your critique of my psyche. 🙂
“And I was in a serious mood to go hang out.
My self-imposed restraint on most extracurricular activities until my SRS …
Has kept me out of bars,
And from most social outing situations,” -Amy
This seems to be quite clear:
1.) You want to hang out.
2.) You’ve restrained yourself from most extracurricular activities until (after) SRS, particularly bars.
3.) You’ve avoided most social outing situations.
Your most recent post obfuscates these three points.
It is now “some” restrictions and no longer “most.”
You really do have an extensive social and professional life despite the fact that you are “avoid(ing) most social outing situations.” How can you do that?
Somehow, having SRS will allow you to go to the bar with friends (or alone), get out of hand with another patron, leave with him (or them) and be perfectly safe. Your increased “confidence and personality” should empower you in difficult situations and allow you to maintain control. “Innocent flirting” is not a good defense.
Sexual intimacy aside, learning to manage yourself in ALL situations, pre-and post-op, should be pretty much the same. That is why the HBIGDA Standards of Care exist — as a guide for those wonderful two doctors who write those letters to grant surgery.
I think there are other far more weighty matters that require your attention and introspection. There are other forces at work here.
While I admire your craftful reponse, I just don’t buy it.
delia
I guess I wasn’t clear when I made reference to having some restrictions on my social interactions …
I interact quite extensively with others, both on a work and purely social level …
In fact, I probably have more of a social life than I should.
And when I’m hanging out with my married/taken friends … whether it’s at a bar, restaurant or a house … it is nice and safe, I have no restraints on those settings.
However, it’s situations where I go out and have the opportunity to interact with guys and there’s a risk that my innocent flirting or just normal personality might cause an otherwise safe situation to escalate to a dangerous one if perchance my function is determined that I’m restraining temporarily …
It’s not that I tramp it up when out and about, I have my limits and if anything they are quite conservative, but I do enjoy a touch of the arm or feeling a guy’ hand touching me as we walk to the dance floor, and as my confidence and personality has grown, so has the attention I’m receiving … and though I have plenty of self discipline, things can escalate that are outside of my control.
So I’m just trying to minimize the risk, if that makes any sense ! 🙂
“probably because she’s a horny wench who could easily get herself in a lot of trouble.
the world being what it is, ‘n all.” -Skylark
“Exactly what Skylark said ! 🙂 I couldn’t have stated it better.” -Amy
Forgive me, but as I recall the Standards of Care (for SRS) require interaction and assimilation into social as well as work situations. Should you not be experienced in social situations where SRS (or lack thereof) be inconsequential???
Certainly in social situations with women there is little chance of “getting into trouble.”
And goodness knows either in pre- or post-op situations such trivialities hasn’t kept me from interaction or assimilation in work, social or educational endeavors.
So, again, how come?
delia
Amy,
I can so relate to this. I just got back from the GP gathering in Boston, and I felt exactly the same way. It is so cool to just hang with the girls, as a girl. I loved it.
Exactly what Skylark said ! 🙂 I couldn’t have stated it better.
probably because she’s a horny wench who could easily get herself in a lot of trouble.
the world being what it is, ‘n all.
“My self-imposed restraint on most extracurricular activities until my SRS …”
How come???
delia
i raise a wry smile at the characterization of natal, gender-synchronous males as “disturbing and annoying.” that certainly fits my own experience, though more recently i have also tended to apply the epithet “weak”. but that’s a tangent.
sounds like just the kind of time you’ve needed, and i’m sure can expect much more of.
Yay!!!! Nice….very nice Amy….I’ve got a big s*!t eat’n grin on my face for ya…..
It’s such a relief when you don’t have to spent so much energy holding a mask in place.