Strip Clubbing Things

Okay …

There was a point being made in my previous post,

Several actually,

And they had nothing to do with any vain attempts at stroking one’s ego by sharing social or validating experiences.

I’d like to think you know me well enough to realize there’s more depth to me than that.

However,

I kind of figure that unless I identify these points …

The personal nature of them will be missed by everyone.

*uncapping highlighter*

So specifically,

Three things struck me as relevant following my evening of strip clubbing …

And all point to the utter and complete sense it made for me to transition.

Thing Number 1:

The subtle communication between sexual beings is supposed to come naturally.

It never was for me before,

But now it is.

When I was pretending to be a guy,

I honestly had abolutely no clue of the unspoken language that often transpires between sexual beings,

In my case of interest …

Between men and women.

If a woman was conveying interest in me …

I had no clue.

And if I was sending any signals to a woman …

They were probably accidental.

However,

As Wednesday night exhibited …

I know how to send signals to guys,

Even though I don’t know how I know.

It’s not like I’ve taken classes in this stuff,

I just do it.

Krap that upon reflection I know worked a number on them …

But I didn’t consciously have to think about doing.

Me,

Just being me …

Lets biology and evolution make my life so much easier.

The smile, arching the back while stretching, the lowered eye gaze, the positioning of the body …

Small stuff like that which I do now,

Correctly …

By instinct.

I think that’s how life is supposed to be. 🙂

Thing Number 2:

When I was playing boy …

I had to be on all the time,

In character constantly so that no one would ever figure out my secret.

As such, I was always reading situations …

Figuring out ways to be liked,

Accepted …

Fit in,

So that I didn’t bring any unwanted attention to myself.

And what that met was …

I never thought of what I wanted to do,

But what I had to do in order to avoid detection.

I said things I thought were expected of me,

I did things I thought were expected of me,

But I never chose to do anything just because I thought it was fun …

For me.

As a guy,

Obviously,

Going to a strip club never sounded fun.

Geezuz,

Can you imagine all the stuff I’d have to figure out on how to react,

What to say,

Things to do …

So that I’d fit in safely?

But now that I’m me,

The question about going to a strip club was never …

Do I need to do it to fit in somehow?

Nope …

The question was simply,

Do I think I’d have fun if I went?

And in this case …

The answer was yes.

Choosing to do things because they sound fun.

I think that’s how life is supposed to be. 🙂

Thing Number 3:

In the past,

On the morning after …

I had done anything of a social nature,

I’d experience the shutdown.

At some point you’d find me …

By myself,

Staring off into space …

Trying not to looking wierd,

But also trying …

To just process what the phuck was wrong with me.

But now …

The morning after …

I’ve done things of a social nature,

You’ll often find me,

Smiling and thinking …

“Wow, that was fun !”

I think that’s how life is supposed to be. 🙂

*recapping highlighter*