All Work, No Play
I did the excessive work thing Saturday …
Proving once again that it is within my ability to have no life, should I so choose ! 🙂
Oh sure, it wasn’t all work … I did the ‘net thing for a bit in the morning, got some counseling from Dr. Singer, gabbed with Claire for the first time in forever (she’s social girl now and apparently I’m just a drag !! 😛 :)) … but for the most part, I got a good 14 or so hours in at the office.
Then I went back for another 11 hours on Sunday.
Certainly not a fun weekend.
But it was productive.
Between a trial, depositions, jury pick, and a few sentencings … I have a fairly active court week this week …
And the work was necessary.
But this evening, as I was preparing to leave …
I did something I normally don’t do.
I went to my website …
And sort of zoned out for a few moments.
‘Cause in addition to having a pretty busy week in general,
My weekend hours were necessitated as I’m wrapping things up here at my office.
I’ll still have a presence here in some manner for a while,
And who knows, someday it may resume to the current levels.
But at the least, it’s going to be different.
Probably more so for those remaining than for me.
But it was that feeling of imminent change along with losing myself in just looking at my web page …
That got me thinking just how far I’ve come.
There’s no doubt, I’ve been slow, methodical and cautious in taking each step along the way,
But for me, it feels like it was just last month that I was telling myself,
“I”ve got to figure out what is wrong with me.”
That it was just last week when I nervously made my first appointment with my gender counselors.
That it was just a few days ago when I stumbled out the words of disclosure to Ex, Shaft and Singer …
That it was just yesterday when I started going out and about actively, had ffs …
And now … I’m staring at fulltimeness.
As I just gazed at the words AmyNews.com on my screen …
It was sort of a weird feeling realizing just how much of this many of you have journeyed with me …
Joining with me as I punch out this mind dump processing my experiences along the way.
Hoping and expecting a positive ending …
Figuing I wouldn’t be sharing this otherwise.
But at the same time,
Really not knowing for sure.
And that’s because this is reality …
You never know for certain what’s going to happen.
I suppose that’s what makes it interesting …
Life that is.
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“If you know your heart, follow it.
If you don’t know your heart, wait until you do”
oddly enough,
that same rule works for sainthood…
🙂
Sometime last Spring I happened upon Amynews while surfing blogs. As I recall, I read without comment for a short while until you posted, Decision – Option 4 April 27, 2003. It prompted me to drop you an e-mail including the comments:
– – –
“What the head makes cloudy, the heart makes very clear.”
Analyze it all you want. Make lists. Tick check marks. Do your do diligence,
if it’s comforting. But, in the end, if you’ve any wits at all, you’ll toss
the logic and analysis in the metaphoric cocked-hat and listen to your
heart. If logic had primacy, no one would transition.
Transition rule of thumb: If you know your heart, follow it. If you don’t
know your heart, wait until you do.
– – –
It’s been a good ride. So, when’s 24/7? 😉
I feel blessed to be watching your journey. You’re a wonderful girl, and you’re turning into a wonderful woman.
If only everyone could have the wonderful set of friends you have, and the parents you have, things in many lives would be so much more -real-.
Real loving
Real friendship
Real emotion
Real kindness
Real family
Real easy
Good luck on your continued journey. Your a good explorer!