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I’ll Just Make a Donation
I received a phone call today and asked if I would be willing to participant in a Bachelor Auctioooon … You know, package myself up in a date and then let myself be sold to the highest bidder. Totally amusing !! 🙂 I don’t know who suggested me, but I declined. Seriously, even if this…
I Should Have Gotten It To Go
Disclaimer: The following is my lame attempt at fiction. Though references to specific flirting techniques Emily has employed, unfortunately are non-fiction. But for whatever it’s worth, with the right delivery, they work nicely. 🙂 Anyways … You need to read Another Set of Circumstances and Sianna’s Epilogue before any of the following will make sense….
For The Love Of Gawd … Keep Amy Away From The Nuclear Weapons
Ya know … I’m an extremely predictable creature of habit. Really predictable. So when I go days and days in a row, Without updating AmyNews.com … You know something is up. But what, pray tell? Well … Nothing new or different really, Just the same ol’ problem that I’ve been struggling with for quite a…
Next Up …
I didn’t make any New Year’s resolutions this year … I mean, I figured after all of you shot down my plan last year to take up social smoking … You’d pretty much shoot down any of the ideas I was thinking of this year too !! 🙂 However, Not to be deterred from moving…
Thank you !!!
Thank you everyone for all of the super nice birthday wishes !!! You are all waaaaay too nice to me !!! But don’t stop, because I certainly like it !! 🙂
More Furnance Issues
Once again … That nice, brand new … Carrier furnace I purchased for my house a few years ago, Required a service call during the heating season. Grrrrrrrrr It went out during the middle of the night at some point, Or maybe early evening, I have no clue. All I know is that when the…
ROFLMAO Ouch LOL OwWW !! ROFL Son of a … LOL 🙂
Or, she could break into a rendition of a revised version of Bob Hope’s themesong:
“Thanks for the mammaries. …”
Somewhere in between curing the ill, rolling drunks, and making a corned beef sandwich, I found a little time to call Amy and wish her well…Well, actually, I was calling on behalf of the repossession comapny I work for, but given that her big day was coming up, I thought I give her one more day of enjoying the naugahyde Barca-Lounger, and decided to share my warm wishes instead…
Well, as could be expected, Amy was somewhat worried. I’m sure she was a little worried about the implications of this next big transition ste step, but her greatest concern was that she had not thought of a snappy line with which to regale the assembled post-op staff once she emerged from her miasma…..
I know it’s a bit late, and the moment has since passed, but here are some lines you could have used, which would almost certainly have guaranteed your being smothered with a chloroform soaked rag….
5. “I couldn’t help but notice the lack of an implant under my superfluous third nipple…”
4. “Just to clarify, you did fill these implants with rich, creamy nougat?”
3. “So….now that I have pornstar boobs, when do I get to fellate Ron Jeremy???”
2. “Hey…I was coming here for a breast augmentation, not to get my feet amputated….Wait, there they are….my bad….”
and No 1….
“How come nobody told me after the ultrasound that I was going to have twins….”
Bah-dum-dum, Ching!!! Well, it’s not bad considering I’m not getting paid, and I’m not preternaturally funny….
Anyhoo…hope you’re not in too much pain, and if you are, don’t stop screamin’…..
Laura
Frtunately, I was never confronted with this challenge. “To augment or not to augment” was never the question.
I had mistakenly assumed that my mother’s diminutive cup size would be my legacy. My doctor told me that sometimes the gene pool gets “a bit shallow” from generation to generation and my GRANDmother’s breast size would be my legacy. Both of grand mothers seemed to have been well endowed, and the fruits of their nature were passed on to me.
So, despite all information to the contrary, when the hormones “woke them up,” they just “grew.” They didn’t ask permission, they just kinda “happened.” And, after just so much wearing big shirts, vests and jackets to hide “the ‘B-cup’ girls,” I went “full time.” There was little choice.
Keep us abreast of new developments.
🙂
Delia
I’m thinking of you Amy…Good positive thoughts streaming your way…
love ya sis!
Makenna
Hmmm. A fake ad for fakies??? Perhaps there are real ads for real ones??? Makes me wonder where I’ve been all my life.
No … that’s a fake billboard … check out the site … they’ve got a whole bunch of really funny ones ! 🙂
Yeah … I’m a marketer’s dream !! 🙂
You’ve obviously read Prozac Nation!!!! funny girl – the poster ain’t that bad either. Is that a real poster?
so you saw that and said,
“Gee, Doc, sign me up!”