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Arrrrgggggghhhhhh !!
I got my haircut !! Arrrrrghhhh !! That’s all I can say !! I’m traumatized !!!! You know how some say you know you’re a transsexual when you get irritated over missing an electrolysis session … Well, here’s another clue … when your stylist cuts off WAY TOO MUCH hair and you want to cry…
Amy’s Guide to Woodworking – Introduction
I know. I know. I know. Given my fondness for double entendres … And occasional use of sexual innuendos, One might think that my use of the word … Woodworking References possible activities with a man’s penis: Blow jobs, Hand jobs, Whatever. But no … This post has nothing to do with such. (Editor’s Note:…
Muddle Steps
I’m muddling my way to full-time right now, And this phase brings with it a really strange feeling. On one hand … I feel an incredibly strong sense of determination … Along with a sense of ease and anticipation. But at the same time … I feel so alone. I’m not saying I’m lonely ……
Amy Speak
Staying true to form … I’m returning from an extended absence from postage with a pathetic, lame quiz post. Weak … I know. But trust me, I do think the posts to follow are somewhat interesting, I really am trying to make it worth the wait. 🙂 Anyways … I found this particular quiz very…
Tuesday’s Whine
I’m in the midst of a trial …. ugh …. It’s dragging on …. And on …. Which has wrecked tremendous havoc on the rest of my schedule ….. This trial won’t finish until Thursday …. if I’m lucky ….. Friday I have to be in two different courts …… at 8:30 a.m. …… Oh…
May Day Meal
I am sooooo tired ….. soooooo exhausted …… But I had a nice wicked, wild, kewl victory in court today ….. So I suppose it was worth it. Here’s some Amy-trivia for you ….. What fast food sandwich do I eat as a good luck superstition before a trial?
ROFLMAO Ouch LOL OwWW !! ROFL Son of a … LOL 🙂
Or, she could break into a rendition of a revised version of Bob Hope’s themesong:
“Thanks for the mammaries. …”
Somewhere in between curing the ill, rolling drunks, and making a corned beef sandwich, I found a little time to call Amy and wish her well…Well, actually, I was calling on behalf of the repossession comapny I work for, but given that her big day was coming up, I thought I give her one more day of enjoying the naugahyde Barca-Lounger, and decided to share my warm wishes instead…
Well, as could be expected, Amy was somewhat worried. I’m sure she was a little worried about the implications of this next big transition ste step, but her greatest concern was that she had not thought of a snappy line with which to regale the assembled post-op staff once she emerged from her miasma…..
I know it’s a bit late, and the moment has since passed, but here are some lines you could have used, which would almost certainly have guaranteed your being smothered with a chloroform soaked rag….
5. “I couldn’t help but notice the lack of an implant under my superfluous third nipple…”
4. “Just to clarify, you did fill these implants with rich, creamy nougat?”
3. “So….now that I have pornstar boobs, when do I get to fellate Ron Jeremy???”
2. “Hey…I was coming here for a breast augmentation, not to get my feet amputated….Wait, there they are….my bad….”
and No 1….
“How come nobody told me after the ultrasound that I was going to have twins….”
Bah-dum-dum, Ching!!! Well, it’s not bad considering I’m not getting paid, and I’m not preternaturally funny….
Anyhoo…hope you’re not in too much pain, and if you are, don’t stop screamin’…..
Laura
Frtunately, I was never confronted with this challenge. “To augment or not to augment” was never the question.
I had mistakenly assumed that my mother’s diminutive cup size would be my legacy. My doctor told me that sometimes the gene pool gets “a bit shallow” from generation to generation and my GRANDmother’s breast size would be my legacy. Both of grand mothers seemed to have been well endowed, and the fruits of their nature were passed on to me.
So, despite all information to the contrary, when the hormones “woke them up,” they just “grew.” They didn’t ask permission, they just kinda “happened.” And, after just so much wearing big shirts, vests and jackets to hide “the ‘B-cup’ girls,” I went “full time.” There was little choice.
Keep us abreast of new developments.
🙂
Delia
I’m thinking of you Amy…Good positive thoughts streaming your way…
love ya sis!
Makenna
Hmmm. A fake ad for fakies??? Perhaps there are real ads for real ones??? Makes me wonder where I’ve been all my life.
No … that’s a fake billboard … check out the site … they’ve got a whole bunch of really funny ones ! 🙂
Yeah … I’m a marketer’s dream !! 🙂
You’ve obviously read Prozac Nation!!!! funny girl – the poster ain’t that bad either. Is that a real poster?
so you saw that and said,
“Gee, Doc, sign me up!”