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Friday Five for July 30, 2004
Hey … Hey … Heeeeeeyyyyyy ! 🙂 Not bad … only two days late this time with the Friday Five ! Woo hoooo !! 🙂 Actually, I was totally on time with these, except I refused to post two Friday Five’s in a row … just not klassy, and you know me … I’m all…
Once a Smartass, Always …
So I go to my nephew’s last football game of the season late Saturday morning. And despite winning most of their games this year, they found themselves suffering the fate many teams that go into a game confident their “name” alone will defeat the lesser known, farming-community team … They got whipped !! Not only…
Annual Birthday Wish
Happy Birthday to Me ! Happy Birthday to Me ! Happy Birthday to Me – eee – eeee ! Happy Birthday to Me ! 🙂 Time for my annual birthday wish !! Woo hooo Might actually happen this time !! ;P
Which Pill?
A friend asked me the question the other day … “Do you ever worry that after going through all that you are going through, all these surgeries, that just after you’re all done, they find a cure for your situation with a pill?” This question … though similar in ways to one I had an…
A Post About Nothing
I didn’t really do much yesterday. In fact, I was worthless. I suppose that needs to happen on occasion. It was okay. Not really great … not really relaxing … but just sort of … whatever. I think I was in this “do nothing” mood … because this part-time thing … is keeping me in…
Amy … I Can’t Make It Out
I liked how I used to sign my old name … My signature in the days of boy was great, Totally illegible, Yet distinctive. People knew it was my signature, Even though it looked nothing like the name Joe Hairdy. (Feel free to infer what you want about my psyche from such a handwriting trait,…
ROFLMAO Ouch LOL OwWW !! ROFL Son of a … LOL 🙂
Or, she could break into a rendition of a revised version of Bob Hope’s themesong:
“Thanks for the mammaries. …”
Somewhere in between curing the ill, rolling drunks, and making a corned beef sandwich, I found a little time to call Amy and wish her well…Well, actually, I was calling on behalf of the repossession comapny I work for, but given that her big day was coming up, I thought I give her one more day of enjoying the naugahyde Barca-Lounger, and decided to share my warm wishes instead…
Well, as could be expected, Amy was somewhat worried. I’m sure she was a little worried about the implications of this next big transition ste step, but her greatest concern was that she had not thought of a snappy line with which to regale the assembled post-op staff once she emerged from her miasma…..
I know it’s a bit late, and the moment has since passed, but here are some lines you could have used, which would almost certainly have guaranteed your being smothered with a chloroform soaked rag….
5. “I couldn’t help but notice the lack of an implant under my superfluous third nipple…”
4. “Just to clarify, you did fill these implants with rich, creamy nougat?”
3. “So….now that I have pornstar boobs, when do I get to fellate Ron Jeremy???”
2. “Hey…I was coming here for a breast augmentation, not to get my feet amputated….Wait, there they are….my bad….”
and No 1….
“How come nobody told me after the ultrasound that I was going to have twins….”
Bah-dum-dum, Ching!!! Well, it’s not bad considering I’m not getting paid, and I’m not preternaturally funny….
Anyhoo…hope you’re not in too much pain, and if you are, don’t stop screamin’…..
Laura
Frtunately, I was never confronted with this challenge. “To augment or not to augment” was never the question.
I had mistakenly assumed that my mother’s diminutive cup size would be my legacy. My doctor told me that sometimes the gene pool gets “a bit shallow” from generation to generation and my GRANDmother’s breast size would be my legacy. Both of grand mothers seemed to have been well endowed, and the fruits of their nature were passed on to me.
So, despite all information to the contrary, when the hormones “woke them up,” they just “grew.” They didn’t ask permission, they just kinda “happened.” And, after just so much wearing big shirts, vests and jackets to hide “the ‘B-cup’ girls,” I went “full time.” There was little choice.
Keep us abreast of new developments.
🙂
Delia
I’m thinking of you Amy…Good positive thoughts streaming your way…
love ya sis!
Makenna
Hmmm. A fake ad for fakies??? Perhaps there are real ads for real ones??? Makes me wonder where I’ve been all my life.
No … that’s a fake billboard … check out the site … they’ve got a whole bunch of really funny ones ! 🙂
Yeah … I’m a marketer’s dream !! 🙂
You’ve obviously read Prozac Nation!!!! funny girl – the poster ain’t that bad either. Is that a real poster?
so you saw that and said,
“Gee, Doc, sign me up!”