I Should Have Gotten It To Go

Disclaimer: The following is my lame attempt at fiction. Though references to specific flirting techniques Emily has employed, unfortunately are non-fiction. But for whatever it’s worth, with the right delivery, they work nicely. 🙂 Anyways … You need to read Another Set of Circumstances and Sianna’s Epilogue before any of the following will make sense. Yes, I know, I’m not nearly as talented as the two other writers, and I don’t consider myself a writer, I’m more of an anomaly, but hey … I amuse myself.

Whew … what a past few days … such drama !! Sometimes it’s sooo nice being the oblivious, self-absorbed blonde … I mean, if I have a kewl line … I like it … anyways, after having the metaphors, dynamics and innuendos explained, mapped out and diagrammed for me … I finally said … “Ahhhh, I get it“.

Of course, we all know I still had no clue.


So Shawna and I are at the coffee shop …

And she hands me this placard and says …

Hold this, wave and smile, I need to take your picture.

So … having learned from my previous mistake …

This time I read the placard before consenting to the picture …

It simply said … “Hi Mom.

That’s odd … I mean, the request isn’t odd, every since the series was picked up by HBO, I get asked that a lot, and I don’t mind … but what’s odd is why would Shawna ask for a picture?

So I ask, “Why?

Just pipe down and do it … I’m going to sell it on e-bay, you still owe me a dvd player, remember?

Hmmm …

Good point, and good idea … okay !” 🙂

So she takes a Polaroid and then says …

I need to borrow your car.

And I’m like …

I don’t think so, they still haven’t found my last car that I let you borrow !! Besides you always tell people that my cars are your cars.

Let it go Emms … come on, that car was fully insured, you got a great replacement car, and besides, why would you ever want a car that couldn’t float?


Ahh … never mind, just give me your car keys, I’ve got some things to do.

Which of course I did. I have a feeling I’m never going to see that car in one piece again !!

Anywhoose …

So I’m solo at the coffee shop …

And plopped down in a comfy chair and started amusing myself by changing the channels from a golf tournament some guys are watching on the television … a couple of them were clearly getting irritated and were obviously confused … which I could understand … ’cause … they’ve got the remote … and I don’t. (Yeah, yeah, yeah … I know, it was immature of me, but seriously … they were watching a golf tournament in a coffee shop, for gawd’s sake – they deserved to be picked on … )

But then I noticed, in the group, the back of this one guy’s head sort of tilted, snapped a bit … and I saw him start scanning the room, as if he’s looking for something, or someone.

That’s odd … that’s really odd … no one here knows of my cheap “parlor” tricks, and if he could sense it, I’d know.

So yeah, it spooked me … and I immediately stopped phorking with the poor boys and let them watch their golf tournament … which they all seemed to do. Gotta love their short attention spans !! hehe

I resettled myself in the comfy chair and started doing some people watching … intentionally avoiding making any glances towards the group of guys with which I had been messing.

Relaxed some …

Finished my mocha …

Reapplied my gloss (watermelon, yummy) …

Then zoned out as I stared at a parking meter outside the coffee shop.


I heard it, but didn’t register it as being directed towards me.


Again, I heard it, started processing that I should respond, and finally proceeded to recover from my zone.

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt your thoughts, I just thought you might be someone I know,” I heard the voice say and I sensed the speaker’s retreat.

Oh my gawd. It registers. I looked up and saw the speaker walking away to rejoin his group.

Yes. It’s him … I’d recognize that walk anywhere. Not to mention his incredibly hot butt.

Then he stopped suddenly and turned around before I had a chance to react and look away.

And we made eye contact.

Mutual recognition was instantaneous.

He knew.

I knew.

He reapproached me and said, “It’s been a long time.

Yes, it has. How did you know?

The channel … when it was changing … it kept going to an episode of Enterprise … I remembered when we used to bowl, before you moved … you mentioned you watched it … and to this day … you are the only person I know to have ever watched it.

Wow, you’re right, that is a tell.

A tell?

Forget it. How have you been? You look great.” 🙂

Good thanks, you look great too … different, but great. Hey, mind if I sit down, I’ve got $50 bucks riding with those guys back there on whether or not I can get your phone number, I don’t mind losing the money, it’s worth it just to talk with you again, but I’d at least like to make them a bit nervous.

Please do.” 🙂 “Do you need a drink or anything?

Ahhh, you know, I don’t know your name now, but whatever it is, I think I’m the one that’s supposed to offer to buy the drinks.

That’s right, you are. I was just trying to help you out. Oh, and my name is Emily.” 🙂

Thanks, but I can manage. Whatcha drinking, Emily?” he said with a smirk.

So while he’s getting us some drinks, I jot down my home and cell phone numbers on the back of my business card and slip it into my pocket.

We chat for about a half hour while he works on his latte (I’m mocha’d out, but didn’t want to discourage him with a “no” to the drink offer) when his posse finally had seen enough and decided to hit the road and began voicing their impatience with some “loverboy better hurry up” type comments loud enough for all to hear.

So we stand in unison and I bend over to get a pen outta my purse. Yeah, I know, I’ve giving them a view, it’s totally intentional and serves a purpose.

Now that I knew I had their attentioooon … I took his hand and wrote my home phone number on the palm of it while his boys were muttering … “bullshit, I can’t believe it” and the like … I put my pen in my left hand, slid my hand in my pocket and slyly removed my business card. I then gave him a hug which generated even more groans from his crew and startled him by slipping my hand with the business card into his back pocket … have I mentioned he has a great butt? … anyways … he looked at me with a cross between embarassment and shock.

Just left you my digits on a piece of paper, you know, in case you decided to wash your hands,” I said, biting my lower lip afterwards. I know, totally cheap flirting trick, but it works. (And … one of the main reasons guys don’t call after finally getting your phone number … is because they lose it, they are after all … guys. So sometimes, if you want the kutie to call, it doesn’t hurt to help them out a bit, and give them your number twice. Otherwise, they have to repeatedly go to the same place they met you the first time until they see you again, and then you have to listen to their lame excuses for why they didn’t call you, because heaven forbid that they just admit to losing your number.)

And that was that.

He left.

My cell phone rang.

I answered.

Is Kathy there?” Shawna asked on the other end of the line.

Speaking to no one, I wonder “Who’s Kathy?“, but knowing if I actually asked, I’d be setting myself up for a blonde comment, I instead ask out loud if there’s a Kathy here. A woman who just walked in the door says her name is Kathy.

Sure, you wanna talk with her? Fine I guess, he’s trying to gain another 20 lbs so his insurance will cover getting his tummy tied. You’re being nice to my car now, right? She’s my baby. Okay, here she is.

Excuse me, I have a call for you,” I said as I hand the phone to the woman who just walked into the coffee shop.

Then I plopped back down in the comfy chair …

Where I wondered what the hell he was doing here in the first place …

And waited for Shawna to return with my car.

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  1. Emily didn’t get to say “Hi Mom” … so of course, that was sad … but the rest of it I totally enjoyed 🙂 … what’s wild is that Emily spends just as much time in coffee shops in real life !! lol

  2. i often suspect that i am
    a high-functioning
    borderline autistic…

    definitely; definitely act that way…
    of course,
    it’s twenty-seven minutes
    ’til i piss someone else off…


    but was “Thinking Little Thoughts About It”
    any good?

  3. did you ever see “On the Beach”???

    there are times when i feel
    like a coke bottle caught in the window shade…

    then there are times like this
    –when i feel like i have actually

    was anyone hearing?
    was anyone listening?
    did i even make sense?

    OMG, YES!!!

    or did you ever see
    _the world according to garp_?

    the scene where garp says,
    “You’re Ellen James?”
    and she nods…

    by the way,
    nice little story…

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