Seven Pussies by A Hare

Some people are cat people …

And some people aren’t.

I’m one of the latter.

Now it’s not that I hate cats or anything,

It’s just that they do nothing for me …

Except cause me to cry and have difficulty breathing.

You see, I’m allergic to cats.

My eyes start watering,

Sinuses draining,

Breathing more difficult,

Whenever I’m around cats.

Anyways … a friend of mine recently took a field trip to Florida and needed someone to feed her cats …

Now with my non-catgirl nature well known,

She was wise enough not to even ask me to help,

Except for one day … when she couldn’t get anyone else to assist.

So despite my certainly less than enthusiastic interest in doing such …

I could tell she was in a bind and I agreed to help out,

‘Cause contrary to popular rumors, I really am a nice person !! 😛

Now for some gawdforsaken reason, in the past this particular friend has asked me for a tip or two of guy advice.

Yeah, I know … odd, huh?

The natal girl asking the trans girl for advice on boys,

Oh well, odder things have happened I suppose. 🙂

Now, while I certainly question whether I’m qualified to offer any boy advice,

In reality all I really know is how to get guys to by me beer and dance with me in anticipation of getting much, much more than I’ll ever give them.

I’m a tease, not a tramp.

Nonetheless, I’m certainly comfortable sharing what I know …

And I’ve figured out a very, very useful piece of boy advice for her.

You see, when I went over to her place to do an AM cat feeding duty,

Give them water and clear out their litter boxes …

I came to realize that she has more than just a couple of cats …

And we’re not talking a couple more,

We’re talking many, many more …

7 phreakin’ cats in all !!!

Yeah 7 !!!

And a rabbit to boot !!

Geezuz phreakin’ kripes !!

As soon as I walked into the house,

I had to pick up all these picture frames that had been knocked all over the place by one, some, or all of the cats …

Then I had to run this maze throughout the house to find their own individual water and food dishes …

A total of 6 different food bowls,

4 different types of food, and

4 separate water bowls …

I guess there is little sharing amongst the felines.

Now that wasn’t too bad.

No, the worst was that …

Heaven forbid,

The cats couldn’t share a phreakin’ litter box.

NOoooooooo.

Did I mention she had 7 phreakin cats ??

And 7 litter boxes.

Leaving me with the task of scooping significant quantities of cat poop for what seemed like hours.

By the time I was done cleaning the cat litter boxes …

I could barely breathe,

My sinuses were an open faucet,

And my eyes were all watery.

But hey …

I wasn’t even done at that point,

Because then I had to pick up the random cat poop in front of the fireplace …

And scrub clean either cat diarrhea or cat vomit that was embedded in the carpet in front of one of the litter boxes (apparently one of them either has really bad aim or just couldn’t make it to the litter box in time.)

Did I mention she had 7 phreakin cats ??

Finally, 70 minutes later …

It came time to take care of the killer rabbit !!!

I’m not kidding … there was a rabbit in a cage in the basement, by the litter boxes.

A killer rabbit with big pointy teeth !!

And I was going to have to put my hand in its cage to feed it.

Something I was hesitant to do, because, well …

It’s got fangs ?!?

So, in an attempt to avoid losing a hand, instead of feeding the rabbit, first I chose to clean its dropping tray.

Now just in case you were wondering …

In addition to being vigorous multipliers of offspring …

Rabbits also apparently krap like crazy.

It was a 10 minute project just clearing the tray !!

But finally, I could avoid it no longer …

I had to feed the rabbit.

First I distracted it with a carrot to the back of the cage …

Then I briskly slipped my hand inside the cage and quickly removed its feeding dish,

Ha ! Fooled you, you silly rabbit ! 🙂

I then smoothly relocked the vile creature back in the cage.

Yeah, yeah, yeah … I know what you’re saying …

Oh… it’s just a pretty little rabbit … it’s all cute and fuzzy.

But it’s a killer rabbit I’m telling you ! 🙂

It killed five knights, no three, three knights !! 🙂

So I poured this odd trail mix of food into its dish,

And again distracted it with the carrot at the back of the cage trick.

Silly and stupid rabbit.

Anyways, I also took this time to distribute the rabbit its daily ration of hay.

Something I didn’t realize rabbits had a fondness for consuming.

Finally … I closed the cage door and locked it securely.

Only then did I let the carrot fall into the cage.

At which point the killer rabbit picked it up with both paws and heaved it at me faster than a speeding bullet.

The carrot finally came to a stop lodging 4 inches into my head after impaling my eye !

Well … actually, that last bit didn’t really happen, but I could tell that’s what the killer rabbit was thinking about doing.

Anyways, finally I crawled up the stairs …

And exited the house.

Barely able to breathe as the 90 odd minutes it took to care for Noah’s Ark worked my allergies to a turmoil.

Anyways … I’m glad I’m still alive,

I’m glad I survived my encounter with the killer rabbit,

And I’m glad I was able to help out a friend.

But here’s my piece of advice about guys for her.

Get rid of some of the phreaking cats !!

You see,

When it comes to most guys,

You only need one pussy to make a guy happy.

And actually, not even that …

As long as they think you have one pussy. *shrug*

A guy will sense from a distance any woman that has seven cats and a rabbit in her basement,

And immediately know her as the Krazy Kat Lady.

One cat is okay.

Two is tolerable.

Three is the absolute maximum.

Anything more than that is just not right.

Amyways, it was still worth it, she brought me back some really kewl krap from Florida !! 🙂

Editor’s Note: Apparently I was wrong, she doesn’t have seven cats, she has EIGHT !! 8 !! Shame on me, how could I have lost count ? 🙂