Muddle Steps
I’m muddling my way to full-time right now,
And this phase brings with it a really strange feeling.
On one hand …
I feel an incredibly strong sense of determination …
Along with a sense of ease and anticipation.
But at the same time …
I feel so alone.
I’m not saying I’m lonely …
I’ve got Shaft and Singer there for the asking, while The UnUsual Suspects and My Hobbits check in on me practically every day.
What I’m saying is that even with all the support and greatness I have from my friends and family …
Right now … I’m muddling through this all by myself.
I’m responsible for everything at this point …
And nothing I can say or share really conveys to others what it feels like to be in such a position …
Many people can relate to the mix of emotions associated with getting married, starting a new job, moving to a new city …
But few can comprehend the feelings and emotions one encounters as they are leaving behind an identity they’ve used for years.
I feel like I’m right in the middle of a big pond of mud.
And that as I look to my left, to my right, behind me and in front of me …
I become well aware …
At this point,
I’m all by myself.
Sure, my family and friends are on the side opposite from where I entered the mud pond … waiting for me,
They can see me struggling,
And will do practically anything to help me get to shore and out of the mud,
But there’s not much they can do,
Except shout encouragement and offer support from the side.
It’s up to me now, to have faith in myself, and muddle my way to the other side.
Step by Step.
Muddy Splurt by Muddy Splurt.
I’m so going to need a shower after this !! 🙂
ROFLMAO !!!!
Okay, okay !!! I get the point !! LOL
That’s sooooo phreakin’ me !!! ROFL
Totally funny posts !! Thanks for making me laugh, you nutts !! 🙂
I picture Amy as more the type to dip one big toe in the water/mull over the feeling/stick the other big toe in/mull over the feeling/ponder the meaning of what it feels like/ponder at length whether going for a swim is really necessary/dip in a little more foot/consider again whether the water temp is acceptable/reconsider her previous thoughts about going for a swam/….
Yea!…what Claire said!
What’d I tell ya! Just Jump fer chrise sakes…The water is delightful!
M
hey dorko big sis! you’re over-thinking! jump in, jump in! trust that you can take care of whatever leftover unresolved issues in real-time. you’re quick on your feet, remember?
ok, so maybe my approach won’t work for you, but dammit, i need somebody to drive me to the mwall! 😛
..claire
sadly,
there are severe limits to what your
patron saint
can do…
the single best thing about being rich
is recognizing that money
will not solve all your problems…
in a similar way,
transsexuals are the most profoundly human
of all people–
most people are never stripped of the illusion
that they are not alone…
Thanks Caitlin ! 🙂 That’s exactly what I was trying to say. This part of the trip is mine, and mine alone. I have to take ownership of it … success or failure is my responsibility alone. My own private Dagobah.
Ahhhh … Hottie … we lost the championship because I was the one that planted the shot into the pond … sure, sure … you did too, but you had carried us for the previous 17 holes. I had but one shot to make … and SPLASH !!!! *shaking head in shame* LOL But if by chance you shank one into my mud pond … I’ll be glad to shag it for you ! ROFLMAO
Thanks for the smile. And yes … I can say Ladies Tees !! 🙂
It’s “grasping the nettle” time.
As your namesake wrote:
“Courage is the price that Life exacts for granting peace.” – Amelia Earhart, Courage, 1927
( http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/Amelia_Earhart/ )
A,
Since you are always considerate of others…do you think you can pick a pond located on one of the popular courses in the city…should I hook a drive into it. Then I won’t have to go Happy Gilmore and dive in…you’ll already be there to throw it back. Also…remember two crucial words…Ladies tees!! Hope u r smiling now 🙂
Amy…That’s perhaps the most difficult aspect of transitioning…Knowing that your doing it alone. I often told my friends that I “entered the operating room alone”, and I’m not quite sure that my non-T friends understood what that meant.
As harsh as this sounds, this process is yours and yours alone. You have to own it, and you have to bear responsibility for it. No one else can do this for you.
The trick is to have faith in yourself, above all else. And know that those that do love you have faith in you as well. That, more than anything else, will help you get through these rough spots.
And know that once you get through this process you will be stronger for it.
Hope all is well,
-Caitlin
Amy,
I’m just gonna jump in here. We can still have coffee or lunch if you’d like.
Going full time can be nerve wracking on one hand, but on the other hand there isn’t any alternative, is there???
Maybe you should think about it, as I do…its not a muddy bog, but more like an ocean cruise…you’re about to cast off and embark on a wonderous voyage. At this moment, the crew has hauled up the gangplank…your friends are waving from the dock…they love you…and wish you well…you wave back…it’s not goodbye, just a fare thee well.
It’s a solitary though not lonely voyage…you won’t know where it will end, or how the voyage will be…rough waters, storms, and maybe even iceberg or two…
Nothing will ever be exactly the same..and that’s somedays exciting, and somedays terrifying…goes with the territory.
Your voyage will change you…and seemingly will change those around you. Regardless, love remains.
Remember that as they bid you “Bon Voyage.”
delia