Makes No Sense

I just don’t get it … at all.

This whole transsexual thing …

With which I am dealing.

Why do I feel so less stress, so less anxiety … when I’m doing things as Amy, instead of Joe?

I mean … heck … this weekend …

I spent time at the mall,
I bought groceries,
I went to the bookstore,
I went to the coffee shop … twice,
I put gas in my car,
I returned a skirt and got a difference size,
I went to Kentucky Fried Chicken … and,
I spent about 6 hours in the office.

All of that stuff is stuff I could do in boy-mode …

In fact, it’s really very little different than how I used to spend my weekends (except for what I was shopping and that whole “returned a skirt” thing πŸ™‚ ).

So why is it that simply doing the average, day to day stuff you have to do in life,

Is so more natural for me in Amy-mode than it is in Joe-mode?

Even when in most cases … I don’t actually interact or speak with that many people.

I just blend in … like I did before …

But now … it’s different.

I just don’t get why.

Oh well.

*shrug*

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13 Comments

  1. Let’s see. You wanted this for how long? You thought about it how long? It invaded your thoughts for how long? Now you’re living as you wanted for so long and you wonder why you feel more comfortable?

    Not to belabor the point, but, Duh!

  2. I really didn’t mean to suggest by this post anything negative or indecisive (like I can be indecisive and over-deliberatory?)… actually, I sort of thought about it as I was driving out of the parking structure yesterday and reflecting on the weekend … and how I really didn’t do anything (for the most part) that I didn’t do before … except this weekend … as most weekends and evenings now … I felt totally comfortable … as Makenna said … angst-free … it’s a perfect description. But at some levels, I still don’t get “why” despite doing the “same ol’ thing” … simply allowing myself to be myself leads to such an angst-free difference … and since I’m living it … and don’t get it … I just don’t understand how any of my friends/family can get it … which makes me appreciate and value them even more … for the support they continue to give me. As far as wanting to know “why” it feels so much better … I’m pretty much adopting the Budweiser philosophy … Why Ask Why? … it just does. πŸ™‚

  3. Holy Shit !! ROFLMAO Will you stop it !! LOL I’m laughing so hard I’m drooling !!! Mr. Big-Boo-Tay !! LOL I’m so going to use that line sometime this week !!! :))

  4. “…back and forth, back and forth”

    Haven’t you heard? She’s been appointed Chief Council for Yoyodyne Industries. She reports directly to John Bigboote. (That’s “Big-boo-tay”, BTW).

  5. Ok…Amy…

    Yea. Agree with you (again!). I’m doing everything that I did before, but as a woman…whats different is the distinct lack of…. of..angst! Thats the right word..Angst.. I FEEL right..and thats all there is to it.

    How the hell can you keep going back and forth, back and forth. Whats got you freaked?

    Makenna

  6. Hey, A! Nice job with the new pics. I think my wife has those same shoes. Did you go shopping together? If you did, would it be the “shopping trip with… er, from Hell”

  7. Aahhh … thanks Tamsin !!! πŸ™‚ MAO means My Ass Off … I do like to laugh !! πŸ™‚ So I’m usually using it as LMAO (Laughing My Ass Off … means it’s pretty damn funny) or ROFLMAO (Rolling On Floor Laughing My Ass Off … which usually doesn’t mean I’m really rolling on the floor while I’m laughing my ass off, but most of the time I’m moving all about because of my laughter !!). I also have been known to WMAO (Work My Ass Off) … but that was more frequent when I was in denial !! πŸ™‚

  8. What does the MAO stand for in ROFLMAO? Just curious…

    You’re right, of course, Yodette…but I’m still gonna prod Amy. She makes such a nice lady, and it’s a crime for her to pretend to be Joe. Why she ought to be suing herself for it.

  9. ROFLMAO Holy Krap Yodette !! That was funny !! lol :))And I was still laughing at my precognative questiooooon answering skills ! πŸ™‚

  10. Transition isn’t a race. I have little doubt Amy will get there in her own sweet time. If, when she arrives, she wonders out loud “Why did I wait so long?” we can only respond with:

    Duh!

    πŸ™‚

  11. Dear Amy, if I were in your shoes, with a steady well-paid job and already passing easily, I’d go full-time and schedule surgery.

    I’m not doing too well financially, but, screw it, I’m going to do it anyway by hook-or-by-crook when the time comes. I’m finding every second more I have to spend in boy-mode a real drag, but you have the opportunity to be free __right now__. Don’t make me think you’re crazy by remaining in Joe-mode when you don’t have to!

    Hope to catch you on msnm, when I’m not eating…
    πŸ™‚

  12. You have an interesting habit of precognative question answering. See Shaft’s comment in the previous “Before MP3s”.

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