Guy at the bar who overheard me commenting to no one in particular about the dude pushing the ball down the court in the basketball game on the tube.
“Dolt, he should of fed. Totally manned. And he had numbers on the left. What the … ”
“Geezuz, where did you learn so much about basketball?”
“What can I say, I was a tomboy growing up.”
Editor’s Note: I use this line more than any “Honest Answers From A Certain Point of View” response, because it always makes me laugh … I so was a tomboy growing up. 🙂
Exchange with a guy who I just wasted in a game of pool.
“Nice shot. Where did you learn to shoot like that?”
“I spent a fair amount of time in a fraternity house during my college years. It had a pool table … oh yeah, and a houseful of guys. Let’s just leave it at that.”
Another Editor’s Note: I’m not bad at pool, but I’m really not that great. Back in the college years, I rarely was able to win a game against any of my fraternity brothers. For some reason, the same shots seem to work better now that I’m usually making them while wearing a short skirt, tight jeans or a snug top. Also, to any of my fraternity brothers who are reading this krap, the reference to “a houseful of guys” was simply for misdirection purposes of this response. It in no way means I ever found any of you attractive or the least bit desirable. I didn’t. Definitely didn’t.
One of the more annoying things for me in transitioning is dealing with former male friends who get all phucking weird thinking I must of had these secret thoughts or desires about them over the years … get over yourself.
It’s not the case.
Back then … I was doing the guy thing. I’m transsexual, not gay. So boy-boy things have never had any interest to me and I never looked at a guy and thought “desirable” before I transitioned.
As far as now … give me a phreaking break. Besides it simply being way too weird to even consider some guy I’ve known before as possibly desirable … look at it from my perspective:
Over the years I’ve probably heard you talk about masturbating, watched you pick your nose, flick boogers, tilt-fart-giggle, walk out of the bathroom smelling your finger and muttering something to yourself like “my finger poked through the toilet paper“, jumped around doing dry humps as you told some story that really never happened, listened as you shared every one of your insecurities, fears and phreakish desires while you were drunk or high, and heard you relay your sexual conquests or defeats to others in the most graphic of terms while making reference to certain body parts now of mine in ways that I certainly don’t appreciate.
Now I understand the guys that I hook up with now or in the future do the same thing, but I haven’t had to witness it or experience it – meaning I can do that whole “pretend my guy doesn’t do that” thing women do until we find ourselves emotionally invested in a guy, at which point guys start behaving as previously mentioned around us.
With that being said, all you guys from my past can rest comfortably assured that there’s no way in hell you will ever find me making a move on you.
And don’t even think of me in any way like that !! If you find yourself thinking of me like that, STOP IT !!! Categorize me as your annoying kid sister that tattles on you ever chance she gets … and if you still find yourself thinking arousal of me after that … move to Kentucky tool.
If I’m nice to you, it’s simply because I’m a nice person. If I compliment you, again, it’s because I’m a nice person. I compliment people. Maybe in your case, I thought you could use a compliment – not as a come on, but as a friend being nice. And for some of you, I’m undoubtedly your best chance to be seen talking to a woman that’s not inflatable or without the police arriving and carting you away.
Whatever the case … just appreciate my kindness.
And stop phucking avoiding me.
Uh. sorry … that one was building up for some time now. 🙂
Conversation with this dude who I just impressed with some totally trivial automotive information that Shaft told me to use if I ever wanted to show off to a guy.
“You are amazing ! I’ve never met a woman like you before.”
“I’ll bet !! And don’t you forget it.”
A Non-Rant Containing Editor’s Note: I’ll admit it, Shaft gives me some tips on lines for me to use to invite guys to hit on me. And though they all involve topics of which I have absolutely no interest … hockey, cars, hockey, cars, hockey, cars … they are all extremely effective.
“Let me get this straight Amy. You came here, all by yourself, just trying to find some people to hang out with, and you didn’t know anyone here?”
“Ahhh, yeah. That’s pretty much it.”
“Gawd girl, you’re brave !”
And Yet Another Editor’s Note: An understatement maybe ?? 🙂