Summer Showers
I tried to hate my body …
But I couldn’t.
I tried to sense if there was anything about my body that repulsed me …
But there wasn’t.
I tried to feel an embarassment about my body,
But there was none.
My body … no hatred, no repulsion, no embarassment.
And that made me smile.
After 18 months on hormones … my body bears little remaining semblance to that of a male, and I do mean “little” 🙂
I thought about it and noticed it this morning when I was in the shower …
I had bent over to wash my legs …
And noticed my breasts hanging,
Moving to my narrower waistline, and …
Wider hips.
My body smooth and hairless,
My arms lacking any definition of muscles.
From my vantage, even I thought … geez, this is a girls body.
So I decided to take the opportunity to reflect on whether this body feels right or wrong …
And actually … I sort of tried to encourage myself to feel wrong about it …
But nope, nada, not a thing.
In fact, when I went the next step and thought about what it was like to have my old body, that’s when I felt the anxiety and distaste …
But this one, the bod I have today … I like … I like a lot.
And just reminding myself of that on occasion is soooo kewl !
(But hey, even though I love my body, I wish my boobs were bigger. Not huge mind you, just a mouthful tasteful C.)
and if i haven’t talked about my boobs already,
i’m not going to now…
if this were anyone else’s comments box,
i’d silently move along,
but you encourage this sort of stuff,
so–
did i mention before that it wasn’t until
i accepted and appreciated my maleness
that i could accept myself as a woman?
about ten years ago
i was doing weightlifting
six days a week–
arms one day,
legs the next–
and had superb definition,
and just fell in love with my body,
quit hating it,
loved touching it all over,
in the shower,
in bed,
and then i was NOT scared of
my girlness anymore…