The Walk – My First Thought

As I left my office building and started the walk towards the courthouse …

First I noticed how sunny and comfortable it was outside,

And then I became aware of just how empty the streets were …

Traffic was light and there was little presence of others on the sidewalks.

Now for some,

Having fewer people around might be desirable,

But for me,

I like action, crowds, congestion …

Being able to just blend in with the world.

And I really wanted to just blend in at that moment …

Because the voidness of others caused me to feel like I was sticking out,

Isolated,

Separated,

Alone.

Wait …

Of course,

That’s exactly what I was feeling.

Once again the sage observation of one who journeyed before me smacked me in the face …

This is a solitary journey, you butt !

(Actually, I added the “you butt” part.)

Despite knowing that I have family and friends who knew what was transpiring in my life at that moment and were thinking of me …

Thanks Mom, Dad, Bro and Sister-in-Law !! 🙂

When it comes to doing what needs to be done to deal with one’s transsexualism:

Making that first telephone call for assistance,

Going into the operating room, or …

Walking into a setting where you know that by doing so you’re going to be evaluated, ridiculed, mocked, observed, judged, scrutized and many, many more things by more people than you can ever imagine,

You’re doing it alone !

Phreaking alone.

But I wouldn’t of had it any other way.

If someone had offered to join me,

I know I would have declined.

Adamently.

Oh sure,

If someone I knew was heading over at the same time,

I’d have walked over with them,

Just as is always the case.

But I never sought out someone to walk over with me before,

And I sure as hell was not about to start doing so now.

That might be a good sign about my personal growth,

Or maybe I’m just stubborn.

You know …

I really think I should be a bit more phreaked out right now.

1 down, 1 1/2 to go.