Amy’s Guide to Woodworking – Introduction
I know.
I know.
I know.
Given my fondness for double entendres …
And occasional use of sexual innuendos,
One might think that my use of the word …
Woodworking
References possible activities with a man’s penis:
Blow jobs,
Hand jobs,
Whatever.
But no …
This post has nothing to do with such.
(Editor’s Note: At this juncture, I ask my regular viewers to fill in the oh so predictable, funny probably only to me, smart alecky, sexual innuendo sort of comment one would normally expect me to have included at this point, but which at the current time I’ve chosen to refrain from offering. :))
And then of course,
Since that’s not the case,
You might then think I’m talking about something bland like …
Making or building things with wood.
Construction stuff, ya know.
But come on,
This is me we’re talking about,
Meaning I have absolutely no clue,
Nor interest,
In construction activities beyond tool identification and delivery assistance.
Building things for us is one of the reasons why we have men in the first place.
So nope …
Woodworking in this context refers to neither.
Actually,
It simply describes how I’m currently trying to implement my reintegration into the world,
Post-transition.
Now understand,
The following are just definitions of mine,
And though probably similar to those used by others,
I’m sure there are more aptly described definitions elsewhere,
Mine are just Amy-speak, dig?
Anyways …
In a very general sense,
You have three types of post transition integration:
Out,
Stealth,
Woodworking.
Out simply means that by your actions, disclosures or presentation – most people you encounter in your post-transition life will probably become aware of your transsexual history.
Stealth basically means that one makes an attempt, again by their actions, disclosures and presentation, to conceal their transsexual history from most people, if not all, in their post-transition life.
Woodworking refers to not making an active effort to disclose your transsexual past to others you encounter in your post-transition life, but at the same time, not making any great effort to conceal or deny it either … one just tries to blend into the woodwork with the rest of the world.
Now of course,
As with any set of categories …
There is some variation within each category.
You can have those who are really out and out in the out category, while having others who are out and about in the out category, but less born again/in your face than others.
Likewise, you can have those who are deep stealth in the stealth category, letting no one know their past, while also seeing others who are in the stealth category trusting the information with a few people.
When making the decision for how I was going to implement my post transition life … I considered each.
Stealth had certain appeal because I know it’s much easier to be treated just like your average girl next door when the person interacting with you doesn’t know you’ve been anything otherwise.
With stealth, one doesn’t have to deal with the judgments, misjudgments and stigma often experienced by transsexuals.
The big downside to stealth is having to live in fear of having your past revealed and having to hide your past in practically all ways.
Out had certain appeal because it’s so liberating not having to live in fear of anyone figuring out your transsexualism or having to hide your past. One can experience the ease of life and personal contentment that those who are true to themselves get to experience. The big downside of course, is that one then does have to deal with the judgments, misjudgments and stigma often experienced by transsexuals from others.
Woodworking was Donnie and Marie … a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll … part stealth, part out.
I always figured that woodworking was the way to go for me, because it would allow me to just blend into the world in so many ways … deal with life as any woman would have to as she encounters things from time to time, but at the same time, allow me to be true to myself and not have to lie about my past that I cherish in so many ways.
Kind of the best of both worlds.
I felt that stealth would just doing what I had done the first 40 years of my life … keep a huge secret from people important to me. Living a again in so many ways.
And I’m far from being an out and about regarding my function type person. Again, despite my openness here, I’m really a very private person … sharing my feelings, believes, opinions with very, very few. I sure don’t like advertising my function to people and though I understand why it happens, am far from comfortable having it the topic of other’s conversations.
Now originally it was my plan to do a woodworking approach with emphasis on the stealth.
I figured since I was moving away … it would be fairly easy to do.
I’d tell those who I became friends with, but other than that … I’d try to keep it pretty quiet.
However, when I decided to stick around town … well, woodworking/steath emphasis became a little more impossible … considering practically everyone I work with knows my function !! 🙂
But other than my work world,
I’ve try to keep my function no big deal in most other settings.
I don’t deny it by any means,
But I also don’t advertise it.
I just want to blend into the world.
However,
Remember how at first I thought Option 2 was a good compromise for dealing with my transsexualism, because it offered some of the benefits of Option 3 and Option 1 …
But when living it,
Found that it sucked because I was basically stuck in the middle doing nothing.
Well, I’m finding now that when living Woodworking,
A sort of similar situation occurs.
Though it does have some advantages,
It’s much harder than I thought it would be because I’m having to deal with the disadvantages of both Steath and Out …
Namely the judgments, misjudgments and prejudices of some while at the same time dealing with the concern that some of those same people may be sharing news of my function more aggressively than I would desire.
Anyways …
As I have yet to find a How-To Guide for Implementing A Woodworking Approach to One’s Post Transition Life,
I’m pretty much doing this by trial and error …
And figured I’d let you know how I’ve handle situatiooooons I’ve encountered along with way,
The good, the bad, and the funny.
So when you see a post title beginning with the acronym … AGW
Woodworking stuff is what the post will be all about.
Got it ??
Hello Amy. I realize this blog post will fly in the better part of a year after the fact, but this page came up from a google search for the words “woodworking” and “stealth”.
Thanks for the thoughtful point / counter-point you gave yourself. I’ve been having a hard time deciding what to do about the out/stealth situation myself. In college I was so out, that anyone whom I talked to long enough to give my name was a person I came out to.
Now I work at an all-female work place, and am basically stealth. At times, fudging the truth or spinning lies about my past when questions like, “Who’s your gynochologist?” come up.
I’m thinking long and hard of comming out to the other girls at work, without throwing it in their faces. And please, avoid the innuendo and connotations possible when someone uses words like “long” “hard” “comming out” and “in their faces.” 🙂
Thanks again for the thoughtful discussion, great site, warrents a bookmark.
Like some other girls mentioned, woodworking is definately my choice of direction. I ain’t the fronteer girl who openly claims being ts (and shows up on tv or something), on the other hand stealth is no option either. I would have to invent a past which I don’t want because I don’t feel any hard dislikes for the things I did in my past. I have no problem with telling people to whom I become close that I have a past but I don’t feel to need to clarify this to every person whom I run into during my normal life.
Though I notice that ‘the explanation’ is getting shorter as the months go by, I do get tired of repeating myself each time …
It would be nice to be just average, I don’t need all the attention. Because *me* is average, I’ve allways been average, I like being average.
Amy nice post. I ‘spose we’ve all toyed with the different options and prolly our background, local, profession lend themselves (to a small degree) to which option we take.
Woodworking is the only option I can go with. Being completely out is not an option as
a) I’m not a card carrying member of the “I’m TS & I’m proud gang” (not that I’m denying who I am) but I’ve got my family to think about, they feel my pain just as much as I do.
b) I’d rather not encounter any more ridicule, snide comments and mis-judgements if I can at all help it.
c)I’m a private person at heart.
Stealth is not an option b’cos like you’ve posted before and like Greg said last night when we spoke – all you’re doing is trading your life pre trasition for a life post transition with all the paranoia. Sure, you’re now physically female but….you’re still watching over your shoulder and I’m done doing that.
Woodworking:
I think if you look – this is the option most TS women take, those that know the deal, know the deal, we don’t hide it but we don’t advertise it either. All we want to do is get on with life, for sure, we’ll have the insecurities all women have but isn’t that just normal, isn’t that just what we want. I don’t want to stand out in the crowd I want to just blend in – don’t we all 🙂
Gary,
I don’t know about other transwomen, but for me, that’s really easy to say but oh so hard to do. Transition becomes a very self-centered process, because it has to, and once one is fully integrated as a woman, it takes a while to let the trans part go, and just be a woman. Some can never do it. And some of us are out, and it gets thrown in our face all the time.
It’s just not an easy situation.
Laura a
Another off-topic entry: Amy-wan had better sharpen her saber skills if she’s going to stay competitive. The upcoming final Star Wars movie has some mighty impressive fight scenes. If you don’t mind spoilers, here are 80 photos of the movie:
http://www.tpu.fi/~t4jlaaks/ep3/
As for the woodworking post, I find it hard to believe that anyone as charismatic, intelligent, crazy (in a good way), funny, and yes – beautiful – could ever blend into the woodwork. Amy, as Amy, has too much personality to blend in. Some people just naturally stand out from the crowd. I know nothing about what you have and are going through Amy. Being a male from birth and happy with it, I can’t relate. But I wonder if you think too much about all of it. Is it too simplistic to suggest that maybe you should just be you, and let the rest take care of itself? Who cares what other people think?
Did anyone notice the irony that Shaft,
The one who claims an inability to offer a flowery compliment to others,
Seemed to extend one to himself very comfortably !! LOL 🙂
Personally,
I’ll take any compliment I can get,
Regardless of the qualifiers.
“You look nice” is always a kind one,
But …
“You’re not bad looking for a guy”
Which despite having some negative connotations,
Is still positive in many ways,
And not to mention the oft used …
“I’ve seen you look worse”
Which is actually somewhat upbeat,
Both work well with me too !! 🙂
Funny thing – A compliment of someone who knows your ‘function’ can be bittersweet.
On one hand they are complimenting you – great.
On another hand you can read a caveat into the compliment “You look great for someone who used to be considered male.”
On yet another (gripping?) hand, how can you ever stop hearing the #$%^ caveat?
Greg,
I loved your comment on being read. Some days I’m there; some days I’m merely curious; some days it seems to bug me. More time needed……FFS has certainly helped my self confidence.
Such an interesting journey this is.
Laura
“Shaft, you are always dead on with your comments. How can you be so righ…”
D’oh!
“These aren’t the droids I’m looking fo….”
Stop that!
Shaft, you are always dead on with your comments. How can you be so right all of the time? I’m a big fan.
Anne:
Your’re right too. But YOUR point was more cogently expressed, and more closely analyzed.
Laura a.
Another good point.
I have made some truly egregious errors when with my sister – well, once I outed her at a gathering in a restaurant, saying something like “…Makӳ ex, (the womanӳ name)…” which unintentionally, but absolutely, outed her.
It took my sister only about three sentences the next Monday afternoon to let me know that I had *%$#ed up royally.
I canӴ remember who it was – maybe it was Plato, or Aristotle or Socrates or Marcus Aurelius ֠I forget – who said something like ӅSuperior people talk about ideas; ordinary people talk about things; small people talk about peopleŬԠand Laura, it is gonna happen – whether inadvertently, maliciously, proudly, amazingly, salaciously ֠because the world is made up of mostly small people. You are 1 out of only 2500 (maybe), and that makes you different, and people talk about differences.
I guess what Iӭ saying is whether or not you want it to happen, it will, and worrying about it ֠or even just making your dislike of it apparent ֠is NOT going to stop it.
I think you stop wondering if you’ve been read when you stop caring.
hugs from the idealist,
GHF
Living stealth scares me, and due to my situation I’m forced to live out right now (granted I am pre/mid/whatever transition right now), but I figure woodworking as you call it would be what I’d ideally want to do.
But I’ve never met a girl (in real life at least) who wanted to be out, and you’re probably the first I know who would willing admit to people her past. You know, uncharted territories and all.
That said, I will definitely read anything you have to say on the subject (and maybe even try to highlight the important lines on my monitor ^_^). I don’t know where I’ll end up; but given how much time I spend thinking about it, hearing someone else’s experiences is most welcome.
I find myself somewhere in between categories. At work and with most of my friends, I am out. I transitioned here.
With new people I meet, I am trying to woodwork.
What bugs me is that I always wonder if the people who knew me before transition are outing me to the newer people in my life. I look at people and try to figure out how they are viewing me. I think that’s a typical t characteristic.
But, I am absolutely NOT ashamed of who I am; I just don’t feel a need to broadcast it.
Do we ever get over that wondering if we’re read?
Laura a
hey that part about the bj’s and hj’s really peaked my attention!!!
Greg,
I didn’t see a conflict between our ideas.
You really didn’t misanalyze the post Greggers … you were just responding to Shaft’s comment and my response to his … not the post.
No hug is necessary, but of course I’ll take it !! 🙂
Anne is way more on than me – big time – sorry for the mis-analysis – Hugs?
ghf
Excellent point Anne !
You’re perfectly right,
I do tend to intentionally subject myself to situations leading to scrutiny or risk of scrutiny.
I refuse to not live life now that I understand what the whole big deal about having a life is all about … and that does subject me to a great deal of scrutiny-type situations.
I’ll finish up the post I was working on where I was doing a little self-analysis about that quirky oddity in my demeanor and post it instead of trying to dissect it here as a comment.
Thanks for pointing it out !!!!! Good eyes !! 🙂
I applaud you’re openness! You are a beautiful woman, and I would wager that you would be just as popular regardless of your looks–your personality (from what I know through reading your site) will naturally draw people towards you.
For me, I haven’t decided what my inevitable role will be. For now, I have no choice to be out–imagine John Goodman in a dress (ok, maybe not that bad, but you get the idea). I will probably begin HRT in a month or so and maybe that’ll help some. I think that I could do well to pick up a bit of your sense of humor and wit in regards to life–that would probably be the biggest help!
Take care,
Steph
“Passing”
“Fading into the background”
“Woodworking”
They all imply that you are now invisible in society. To not be noticed in a crowd.
Follow me on this one…
To not be noticed in a crowd means that you fit in with the mean of the crowd. You are average.
If we strive to be beautiful (appearance) then we are striving to be better looking than the crowd. It is kind of the point to be noticed.
Being noticed you are in for much more scrutiny.
Is scrutiny a good thing?
So, you’re extremely insecure about your appearance.
Well, join the club. So is Elle McPherson. Gisele B
Why Shaft? Because I’m okay looking for a transsexual, but not for a natal? 🙂 LOL
Actually, Shaft is again correct. We should record this day in history … twice in one day that the big guy nails it ! 🙂
To this day I continue to be extremely insecure about my appearance … and the very kind words I’ve received from friends and acquiantances I encounter during the course of my daily life do wonders to keep me going. It’s hard doing what I’m doing … I’ll gladly take a nice word where ever I can find one and greatly appreciate each one. In fact, more would be really, really nice !! 🙂
Blending in to the woodwork might reduce the compliments you receive. You might want to consider preserving your outside sources for compliments or other nice words because you know how stingy I am in the flowery words department