20 Answers in 20 Seconds
It’s been a while since we’ve taken a look through my e-mail … so here are some answers to questiooooons I’ve received recently … though unlike my normal rambling answers, I’m going to try to answer them really, really briefly, kind of like the two minute drill in a football game.
Ready ?? Set ??
GO !!!!
1. Are you high maintenance? On big things, no. On small things, like expecting a “hello” or “goodbye” acknowledgement, yes.
2. Do you ever find yourself singing “You make me feel like a natural woman….?” Never. Geezuz.
3. Have you ever touched a penis? Yes, but that’s a poorly worded question in light of my past, you butt.
4. Do you swallow? Again, you’ll never know. Stop sending me this e-mail !
5. Are you pleased with the results of your ffs? Yes, but I’ve got some things to add on that topic which I can’t do in the two minute drill.
6. Do you tell guys at the bar that you’re TS? With “one time only” bar encounters … pretty much never.
7. What is your shoe size? Woman’s size 9 1/2, though I bop between 9s and 10s.
8. What’s your biggest fear about transitioning? Increasing the likelihood that I’ll remain alone.
9. What’s the saddest thing about transitioning? Just like others, there are times when I miss Joe Hairdy and it hurts really, really bad.
10. Do you have any lesbian tendency? I really don’t think so. In guy mode, I only was attracted to woman, but I certainly haven’t noticed any such attraction now. Guys seem to be my sole interest these days. But who knows, the right girl, some alcohol and a movie camera might change my mind for a night. 😉
11. I’m going to pray for you. That’s not a question, but thank you.
12. Do you still want to be on Survivor? Yes.
13. How are you going to tell people with whom you are not that close about your transition? I won’t. The grapevine will do that trick. I’ve a few aunts and uncles to tell, some cousins and some clients … a few more friends left, but I’ve been taking care of some of those disclosures the past few weeks. I’ve got my golf buddies left and that’s about it.
14. Where would you move if you were going to move elsewhere? Ann Arbor … Tennessee, Arizona, New Mexico and Oklahoma are the leading candidates right now, exciting, huh? Yeah right. 🙂
15. Do you want to get laid? Yeah, it’s actually really weird, we all know that I can’t just yet … the new equipment has yet to be installed … but there are times when I’m just aching for some physical play … hugs, nice kisses and serious making out.
16. What’s the biggest difference between kissing boys and girls?
Women’s lips are much, much softer; it really feels good when guys are holding you when you are kissing; guys have beards and facial hair; it feels really cool having your back pressed against the wall while kissing … anyone; I tend to tilt my head back more frequently when kissing a boy and tilt my head down when kissing a girl; a good woman kisser is much, much better than a good guy kisser, but a bad woman kisser is much worse than a bad guy kisser. Sloppy, wet, sucking kisses are bad regardless of who is trying to give you one. Oh yeah, and now after kissing I have to reapply my gloss whereas before I never did. 🙂
17. Have you ever practiced giving a blow job using a banana? LOL Yeah, but only in a curiosity sort of way.
18. Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror and think “who is that?” or “why do I look like this?” Sometimes when I see myself in boy mode.
19. Have you ever been suicidal because of this? No, but I’ve thought much more about it than anyone has a clue, at least until I answered this questioooon ! 🙂
20. Why haven’t you posted any Before pictures of yourself yet, you promised? Just trying to maintain a bit of privacy still. I’ve e-mailed and shared Befores and Afters with those who have asked … but posting on my site is just something I’m not comfortable doing just yet. Shocking that there’s something I’m just not comfortable doing yet, huh ?? 🙂 For what it’s worth, I’m also finding myself having a really hard time looking at any old pictures of me … in fact, there’s only one picture where I’m included that I still like looking at … most of the rest just make me feel really strange.
Bonus Question:
21. What do you think is your most attractive physical attribute? My belly button. I’ve got a great belly button. I’m an innie by the way … like I’ve known for years ! 🙂
Ladies, can’t we all just get along? Two obviously intelligent and well-spoken/written women such as yourselves can agree to disagree, right? The alternative is a group hug with Shaft and, well, you don’t want that.
Spoiling for a fight, again? I’m not going to take the bait. As much as I’m tempted to reply in kind, Skylark, Amy’s blog isn’t an appropriate place for your baseless attacks or for me to respond to them in the manner they richly deserve.
Amy’s a bright adult woman. The notion I would or _could_ tell her what to feel is ludicrous.
for the record, amy, i’d like to say that i also have a sense of loss with respect to “him”. he kept me alive for decades, married, assembled something like a life. i deeply miss some of the qualities of that life, and suffer sometimes from something quite a bit stronger than nostalgia. but i also know just what a fucked-up character he was (you think i’m difficult now? hah!), and that i’m a lot more content at my core now. that gets me through those moments. i think that in some ways the saddest part of my own transition is that “he” couldn’t grow, couldn’t really learn. i am sort of existentially sorry that i couldn’t be him, to be an adult.
do you enjoy being disengenuous? “should” was picked out as an indicator of a pervasive attitude, of which “then I can posit how you
Skylark, you argumentively picked out a word, assumed a worst case interpretation, and unfairly attributed bad intent, rather than asking what I meant. Do you enjoy picking fights?
My meaning is as well expressed if the “should” is omitted. I’m guessing Amy knows me well enough by now not to take it the way you chose. I don’t tell anyone how to feel. I do occasionally point out that how you feel can sometimes be a choice – how you (indefinite “you”, not you, Skylark) choose to process an experience. Too often we don’t step back and examine alternate and less unhappy ways to process a given experience. A sympathetic friend need not just listen passively and pat someone on the back if there’s an alternative interpretation to suggest that may allow them to feel better.
>Like so many other aspects of life, whether those memories should leave you with hurt or a sense of loss depends on how you look at it.
“should”?
trying to tell her how to feel, rather than listening to what she’s tried to say about how she does.
lovely.
Like so many other aspects of life, whether those memories should leave you with hurt or a sense of loss depends on how you look at it. A question to consider, did they rely, trust, count on and spend time with “Joe” or with you? If they only relied on and wanted to be around “Joe” because he was male or because he possessed a set of attributes you created as uniquely part of a male presentation as Joe, then I can posit how you
Gawd Luv Ya Skylark !! I was hoping someone would call me out on the carpet for that one !! 🙂 My answer is now going to be in the form of a post … it was just too long for a comment. I’ll finish it yet today ! 🙂
I liked the relationships that Joe Hairdy had with people. The way people relied on him, trusted him, counted on him, spent time with him … liked him. Some of those were really, really good times and happy memories. These elements of that life I miss. It’s really no different than the pain someone feels when they think of a deceased loved one and know that its only memories that they have left. I feel that sadness at times when I think about the happy Joe memories and know that there will not be any new ones. That being said … I am in the very fortunate position of being able to create some really fun, kewl, kick-ass Amy memories !! 🙂
Glad you’re home Yodette !!!
Yikes … sworry Skipper … I’ll add Chicago to the list !! 🙂
What great questions and answers!
One more try:
Number 9, you miss “Joe” enough to hurt? I’m puzzeled and curious. Can you say what it is you miss or what hurts? I felt only relief – no sense of loss or hurt at all.
CHICAGO! how many times do i have to tell you? honestly, who has an issue with you planning your life around how i want it? you are being silly and selfish, trying to make decisions for yourself….
i’m curious about question 10. you probably know that TS doctrine – largely to distance itself from the stigma of a sexual minority or pathology – insists on a strong distinction between sex and sexuality, according to which “normal” procedure dictates that your sexual map remains consistent through your transition… thus, if you are MTF and were attracted to women before transition, you will (should) remain similarly attracted afterward.
but it just ain’t so, is it?
is “heterosexual” a stronger identification for you than the actual specific subject of desire? your experience is more common than i think the larger community likes to admit, and i’m curious as to what your internal narratives are with respect to this.
Arizona, eh? If you’d like to pick the brain of someone who lived there for 14 years, feel free to drop me a line.