Courage
One of the statements often made by others …
To me,
Upon learning my function,
Is mentioning …
How courageous they think I am,
For not only transitioning and seeking happiness,
But for trying to stick it out here.
It’s always nice to hear such kind words,
‘Cause sometimes during the course of a transition …
Positive words are few and far between,
So I graciously accept and savor any that I get.
But I honestly don’t feel I’m really that courageous.
I think desperation on the part of one …
May appear to be bravery in the eyes of others.
I’ve just done what I had to do.
The courageous people are the ones all around me …
My mom, dad, brother and sister-in-law who haven’t missed a beat keeping me in the family – acknowledging me to others, embracing me, getting to know me … that’s courage;
My aunts, uncles and extended relatives who keep an eye on me and always greet me with a hug when they see me … that’s courage;
My cousins who stepped right up to the plate and make sure I feel normal and welcomed each time they see me … regardless of the setting … that’s courage;
Shaft who has stuck by me throughout this entire process, never backing down in his support for me … now that’s phreaking courage;
My friends who have stood by me as I’ve transitioned … boosting my confidence when I had none, knowing what I was thinking without making me say it, and never turning their back on me along the way … now that’s courage;
The friends from my past who stumble across the news and take the time and effort to contact me … now that’s courage;
Those in my life who stick up for me and have my back when others are mocking me for my transition behind it, especially since silence would be oh so easy … now that’s personal strength and courage;
The attorneys in town, some of who I only know by name, who have sent the most encouraging words of support to me … now that’s courage;
The judges who have taken professionalism and respect to entirely new levels in making sure me continuing to practice in their courtrooms was never an issue … now that’s showing some serious stones;
The attorneys I know and work with who have treated my change as a non-event when appropriate, but also something we can talk about and discuss when appropriate too … that’s not only courageous, that’s phreaking talented;
My clients who have stuck with me throughout this process, getting to know me and finding they like me and value me even more … now that’s courageous !!
And,
Those that know me as no one other than me but learn of my past and treat it as no big deal … that too is amazingly courageous.
Yes,
I know all about courage.
I see it everyday,
All around me,
Displayed by so many people in my life.
For that I’m extremely fortunate,
But me …
I’m not courageous,
I’m just trying to live.
*shrug*
From Saturday to Monday working on your next post, Amy? It must be a doozey! 😉
So….will any of these posts involve tongue??
inquisitive, as always
laura
We’re breathlessly awaiting your posts.
Well, maybe not breathlessly, since I don’t want to pass out and drool all over my keyboard!
I don’t want to have to replace yet another keyboard! 😉
Amy….
Looking forward to reading them all……I hope your doing okay?
Joanna
Yodette !!! 🙂
Yuhpers, there is life after transitioooon, but also plenty of things for me to share !! January has been very, very … interesting. 🙂
Posts, posts and mwore posts will start later today … then you’ll be like … “Yikes, will she ever shut up ??” (Well, maybe you won’t say Yikes. :))
It’s 11 days since Amy’s last blog entry. See, there is life after transition. 😉
Gary wrote:
“The thing that bugs me about attorneys is that they can take either side of an issue and argue the case soooo convincingly – as though they really believed it!”
As one of the aforementioned attorneys, I can tell you that I don’t argue both sides of an issue. I have picked which side I choose to represent, and remain on that side of the counsel table.
From what I have read, that is what Amy has done also-it looks to me like she is a kick-ass criminal defense lawyer.
When she gets up in front of a judge or jury, I’ll bet she argues the case like she really believes it, because I’ll bet she does really believe in her client-good lawyers do that.
Just my two cents.!
Marcia
Wordy?
Aren’t you supposed to be?
Occupationally speaking, of course.
Exactly !!!
Perfectly stated Anne !! 🙂
Wow, people are right … I guess I am wordy !! 🙂
Transition in itself is not what I would call courageous. I can’t believe all the times people told me ‘Wow, you gotta have balls to do that!’.
Courageous is sticking by a person through the awkward stages.
Courageous is defending a transitioner without regard to how it reflects on you.
Thank God for the Courageous.
🙂
Sometimes those who seem fortunate – like good things are a windfall are really just good at gathering the right people around them.
inherent arbitrariness and subjective ambiguousness of life …
Gawd Padawan, you make me so proud !!! 🙂 Those are great phrases !!! lol
I’ve been incredibly lucky and fortunate being around and having so many amazing people in my life … covering the entire spectrum from close family and friends to people I barely know or haven’t seen in years.
I know how blessed I’ve been to experience so much good from others. I’ll never be able to thank them enough.
Though on the other hand, I’ve really put a lot of thought and effort into trying to make things easier for people around me who are willing to give me a chance … it’s not something I just fell into … my good fortune would have failed had either been lacking … either the goodness in others or my appreciation for how strange this concept is for them at first blush.
Every transition is different and one must deal with the challenges unique to their transition … it’s certainly not easy, but I think it’s important throughout that it’s not easy for some others to deal with or grasp right away either … and that if I’m asking for understanding from some, I should be understanding to others to who are having a difficulty with comprehending things. I try to remember that at all times, though it is part of my nature to always give the other person the benefit of the doubt, so it is somewhat easier for me to do that than it might be for others, I know that.
The positives with my transition I’ve shared so far are not as unique as some may think, I’ve received many other positive, healthy stories from other girls who transitioned before me … sharing similar good experiences.
And the common theme seems to be that for those you do have challenges with … you try to understand and accomodate as best you can, but if that isn’t going anywhere, if a middle ground can’t be reached, and one always knows when it reaches that point … one must be willing to move on.
I’ll save my thoughts on that topic in detail for a post, otherwise this could be a record setting sized comment ! 🙂
Dear Amy,
What if you were unlucky enough to have very few of those corageous people nearby? What if most of your acquaintances were assholes? What if your professional colleagues, your “friends,” and most of your family made active efforts not only to NOT understand, but went out of their way to make you feel like a total shit?
How much more desperation could you have taken?
That’s why I wrote you that email just after we got back from Chicago – and the question still stands unanswered –
is it that you are so lucky, or that everyone else is cursed?
Love
ghf
ambiguousness? huh? ambiguity. maybe i should learn engrish first… before saying i cudda been a lawyer. 🙂
..claire
what about the courage of your li’l sis for… for… for… for reading every single one of your blog entries?! 😛
as for the “lawyers convincingly arguing both sides” thing… arguing a side one doesn’t necessarily believe is certainly not a phenomenon exclusive to lawyers… but i’d say lawyers are much more cognizant of the inherent arbitrariness and the subjective ambiguousness of life, and are much more aware/capable of exploiting these as utilitarian tools, than the general public.
i really cudda been a lawyer. 😉
..claire
Awww Greg … that’s sweet !! 🙂 Thanks.
Just so you know, if you had helped me clear my driverway yesterday after I got dumped on with snow here … I’d have been yours for life !! 🙂
I’ll respond later to your issues with lawyers comment … though for now, I will say … life is a lot more fun when you have a personal assassin ! lol
As a matter of fact, I wish I had HER! Stay away from her everybody – I got dibs! 🙂
she is a sweetheart. i wish i had someone like her 🙁
its simple gary, Amy is an utter and pure sweetheart who tries to do the best she can in everything that matters. She also happens to be a lawyer. everyone’s gotta do what they gotta do to get by, and for some of us that means being a lawyer, for others, that means being a lawyer’s personal assassin.
*coughs*
Amy, after reading your stuff, I have to conclude you’re probably a hell of an attorney too. The thing that bugs me about attorneys is that they can take either side of an issue and argue the case soooo convincingly – as though they really believed it! If you had to argue the opposite of what you wrote in this post, would you have been able to do it just as convincingly?
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not suggesting that you are in any way deceitful or dishonest. I don’t believe that for a moment. This is your personal blog. You have no reason to post something you don’t really believe here. It’s just that I have this thing about attorneys – they just seem so amoral. Sometimes I wonder how they can sleep at night. Can you help me out here? Am I totally off base?
Females…..it a goddamned HallMark moment !!
Amy – it takes a lot of inner strength to do what you do, don’t downplay it.
Amy,
Do you realized the courage it takes to admit to oneself everything that you have said?? That in itself is courage! This post brought a tear to my eye, because, I have lost some of what you hold dear! A brother, and a sister, neither of whom talk to me. My sister doesn’t even answer questions I ask, even when there are others around!! That is why this post made me tear and cry!!
Hugs and Kisses,
Tara
PS
I hope that this continues for you!!!
Ditto on Singer’s post as well!
Great post!
Amy, Elegantly put, I have been told the same and I agree, and that post is precisely why I love your site, youӲe freaking perspective rocks!! 🙂
Ditto on Yodette’s words!
Amy is a class act in how she deals with all that is thrown at her, yet still stays a bright and chipper person, moving forward towards her destiny.
Courage is the little voice in the back of your head reminding you running away only makes it worse.
I think what is courageous is your ability to maintain such a positive strong attitude during your transition into a world that is not always commpassionate towards others and give them all the credit.
*sniff* Amy, that was amazing. I love you!
Amy, you are amazing!!