Ask Shaft! – July 8, 2003
Dear Shaft;
You are so sexy, I have crush on you. How you get such big sexy manny man? I marry you some day. Now real question:
How you react when sexy doll Amy tell you first time she really girl? What go through such manny man mind of yours? How feel?
-Sincerely,
Surong PaWattitingtangyam Chettiwut
Dear Surong:
You #1. I mean, you are the only one to ask me a question so far. When Amy told me she was a girl, I asked a lot of questions and went through a lot of analysis with her, just like we have always done on other issues, personal and professional. I was in “gather and process” mode.
My first instinct was to support and protect my friend. I was relieved to find that she wasn’t dying of cancer or some other fatal disease, which was one of my early concerns. Amy and I are close enough that I knew something was up, but didn’t have any details. While I was eating dinner later that night, I broke down. It tore me to pieces that for the twelve or more years Amy and I have known each other, I wasn’t a good enough friend to recognize what she was going through.
In the days that followed our initial conversation, we worked through many of the finer points. Amy, as always, made sure that I didn’t take on more than I could handle. I walked on egg shells for a while, trying so hard to use the right words and say the right thing, so that I didn’t offend Amy.
After a few skillful comments from Amy, I realized that I was working very hard at something that didn’t have to be hard. It wasn’t long before our conversations found their way to the gutter, just like they always do. Sounds kind of crazy, but that’s when everything became comfortable again.
Thanks, Surong, for a great question. I appreciate your throwing yourself on the grenade. Nothing like a threat from the editor to get the readers motivated. Now, please hum the theme from “Shaft” while I sign off.
“They say that cat Shaft is a baa-aad mutha…
Shut your mouth!
But I’m talkin’ about Shaft!
Well, we can dig it.”
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thank you,
shaft, for that heart-felt
and heart-touching answer…
if it’s any consolation,
my best friend didn’t know for
twelve years, either–
it was my wife who told him…
(she knew from the middle of our first date)
meanwhile,
even i am tired of the fictional stacy
(wait, that’s the other one, right?
am i the real one, or… ?)
moping around…
so i was listening to john mayer’s song
83
and decided that it would be cool
if emily and stacy
found a way to send themselves back to 1983
for an evening…
but i realized that all i remember about
1983 is that the drinking age in nebraska
was 19…
so, do you have a few details
i could plagiarize?
damn straight!
(sorry, couldn’t resist)