The Meaning of Hair

This journal … diary of my emotions and thoughts and experiences … pretty much is completely honest and accurate …

Oh sure, Shaft is a little more gravity challenged than I make him out to be …

But for the most part, there’s very little embellishment, understatement or fiction … it’s just the way it is.

I write the way I talk, I write the words I use and I write the way I think … just ask anyone who knows me … it’s just me, lil ol’ boring me.

So … when I phuck up … I think it’s important for me to acknowledge such … so others can learn …

What in the hell was I thinking letting someone touch my hair less than two months before transition ??

That’s pretty much my thought … I phucked up …

But this is a legitimate learning experience …

And just part of the irritating, perky nature of my personality, I’m finding a great benefit from this in spite of my phuck up …

See … I instructed Mr. Strapping Stylist to give me a style that would present a clean, professional boy look …

And a cute, bobbish girl look.

And this morning, when I did just a tiny bit of tinkering even with my bed hair …

In incredible easy fashion … I was able to have my sickening Amy-cutesy look … yeah !! 🙂 … a bit on the short side, but definitely my look … and more fashionable and chick-ish than before.

And then when I prepped it for boy mode … the cleanest and most professional its looked in a long time !!

So … what’s the problem with it?? Why was I so despondent over the new do ??

The loss of my ponytail … that’s why.

Ahhh … but didn’t you just say it’s a cuter look now than you had before ??

Yes.

So … what’s the problem ??

No problem really … but this is what I forgot …

I didn’t ask Mr. Strapping Stylist to also provide for an androgynous middle ground look.

Huh?

Yeah … It was a boy pony-tail with just a few strands of hair falling in my face … it allowed me to go out and about and sort of switch between the looks as needed or desired …

Again … so what’s the problem … with losing the androgynous look ??

Well … again … I really wouldn’t say it’s a problem … I’d simply describe it as suddenly having my training wheels removed !!

See, when I did my andro look, hair and clothes,

Which I did a great deal,

It allowed me to quickly adapt to the role the person was seeing me present at that time …

I reduced my reads because I could almost always be what was seen.

But … now, without my training wheels …

I’ve got more pressure,

Pressure to be one or the other.

And that phreaked me out,

But hey, you can’t take a mountain bike on the trails if you’re still using training wheels !!

Honestly, in retrospect, I wish I had done this about four months ago …

‘Cause the more time without training wheels … the better.

And that is today’s … Learn From Amy’s Phuck Ups lesson 🙂