Decision – Preview
(aka “My Life As A Gameshow“)
So kids ….. my birthday is over …. you know what that means ……
Yes …. decision time …..
Here at AmyNews.com (yeah, I’m laughing at a few of you right now …. and you know why !! welcome back), in Season One ….
We’ve seen me kinda, sorta deliberate on my options for dealing with my transsexualism ……
Discuss steps taken in my evaluation of options ….
Along with interweaving the drama of my relationships with friends …..
But ….. I’ve always been upfront …. I was going to make a decision before my birthday about what to do with my transsexualism ……
And in many ways I have …..
But we need a Season Finale ….
Because it’s sweeps ……
Which means …… you just never know how Season One is going to end ……
Over the next couple of weeks …… in possibly excruciating, embarassing detail …. I’m going to disclose my evaluation of each option …… hopefully some of it will click and helps others …. and if not ….. at least I hope you’re entertained ……
Either way …….
I’ve been putting a lot of thought into this ……
Singer has told me to think all this out ….. and that though it would be just like me to set a deadline such as my birthday and make a decision on that date because I set the deadline …. I should not do that …..
My mom and dad are concerned that I might make a rash decision …..
Because of a self imposed arbitrary deadline …..
All understandable concerns ……
From people who care and love me.
Hopefully this will help diminish those concerns …..
By showing I have been deliberate, cautious, thoughtful and
Extensive …..
In my evaluation.
Anyways ….. a quick review of my Options …..
Option 1. I can start living and working as a woman with intentions of an eventual sex change.
Option 2. I can continue living as a man, but implement various coping mechanisms, such as hormone replacement therapy and occasional cross living activities.
Option 3. I can remain living as a man and suppress my anxieties, hoping that at least knowing what my problem is will help me cope easier.
Option 4. I can kill myself.
Now …. of course …. there has to be some suspense in building up to the Season Finale …..
I know you think you know ….. pretty much what I decided …… at least ……
So you think …..
But just like in the game shows …. and how …… when it gets to the final round ….. they change the rules so that there’s still a chance …. that both contestants could win ……
Let me tell you …..
I’ve done a lot of reflection on this stuff …..
A ton of thinking ……
And going into it at this point of decision making ……
The odds ….. for each option …….
Have been reset …..
The odds are exactly …. the ….. same.
For each Option.
No kidding.
Don’t freak or anything ….. I wouldn’t implement any of the Options immediately ….. but I’m going to thoroughly discuss each option and tell you how I would intend to implement that option …..
Simply said …..
This is going to be some juicy stuff.
So stick around for each of the following episodes leading up to the Season Finale:
Decision – Preview (That’s this one)
Decision – Option 4
Decision – Option 3
Decision – Option 2
Decision – Option 1
Decision – Recap
Decision – Season Finale
They won’t necessarily run in daily order ….. I’ll probably sprinkle some light hearted …. day in Amy’s life stuff throughout ……
But Season One will end …..
Before Season Two of 24.
🙂
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to describe suicide in terms of selfish/unselfish
is an obfuscation
(another one of those words i just LOVE)
christ himself was a suicide–he chose death;
any number of saints did likewise…
suicide is an option
which can be considered in any situation,
but it is seldom an adequate solution…
let’s just see what more Amy has to say about it…
Stacy, I hear what you are saying but don’t have the objectivity to accept it. And I don’t mean to make this about me. Amy has helped me pull through some lousy stuff and I owe her. Thanks for the thoughts.
shaft–
although i understand what you mean,
it should not be construed as your failure–
it’s not your responsibility to choose life for someone else–
any more than i should think i’ve failed just because you’re not all catholic by now…
FYI Sianna and Stacy: Amy still contends that option 4 is not selfish, even though the three of us seem to share a similar position on this point.
Look, I don’t pretend to know how difficult this decision must be for Amy. I want both of you to know that I support Amy in whatever choice she makes, as long as that decision makes her safe and happy. I recognize that choices 1 through 3 each have pros and cons associated with them. I am lucky enough to spend a significant amount of time with her and am proud that she is willing to share some of her thoughts and concerns with me. I try to be as receptive and understanding as an overweight, bad-hair, white bread guy can possibly be. I just can’t accept choice 4 as a valid option under any circumstances and have great difficulty even processing the concept. If choice 4 were ever to come into play, I will have failed my best friend. Sorry, Amy, talking about you, not to you. BTW, Stacy and Sianna, thanks for listening.
I’m not going to … I’m just saying I’ve put a fair amount of thought into evaluating it ….. I didn’t eliminate it just outright. Just as I’ve thoroughly thought about each option.
Si – I humiliate and embarass myself at least once a day !! That’s the source of a lot of my entertainment !! 🙂
we won’t get into why suicide is selfish, primarily because when I argue I always win, and especially given that since you’re just a lawyer, that will make it all the more easy to win the arguement while leaving you feeling humilated and frustrated.
suffice it to say, if you DO kill yourself, serve a year in the Peace Corps first to make up for it.
TWG — your point is something I’m certainly addressing as a subset of Option 1, because for me …. SRS is the least important of the surgeries …. 24/7 and acceptance in the role is the most. I would definitely go with an orchidectomy if I wasn’t going to do SRS right away. (Ball trivia – I used to spell it the way you did, my counselor pronounced it the way Stacy spelled it, and it googles as orchiectomy. I think we all know what’s being referred to here though … except for maybe Shaft – which makes me laugh just to say in connection with the topic !! lol)
Sianna – 🙂 The record will reflect that not only did you make that prediction today … but don’t forget …. at my old site… you predicted that I would pick Option 1 back last December (and yes, I lost $20 to you back then 🙂 .) Just don’t change your Paypal account …. I may have to add a regular monthly transfer to you.
Stacy – It’s a serious topic and I’ll treat it as such. I don’t mean this as a ratings gimmick …. said with complete network executive sincerity …. Shaft is equally as bothered as you that I do view it as an unselfish act. But you’re right, let’s discuss my analysis and any flaws with it when I post that episode. 🙂 So that was a Calvin and Hobbes reference !!!! OMG !!!! I love it !! So kewl !!!!
hmmm…
yeah, i hope option four is a ratings gimmick;
it does concern me that you describe suicide as unselfish, but let’s not talk about that now…
orchidectomy?
i thought is was orchotomy…
although i prefer
(say this out loud if you can)
testiclectomy…
anyway,
the calvin and hobbes reference in “a new birth of freedom” was alluding to what i had thought was your decision to “POOF” start a new life in a new place…
anyway,
if you would like advice,
mine would be to have yourself prepared for 24/7;
like, you know, make sure you’ll have a job…
(we can’t ALL be welfare moms)
Add option 5:
the fact that if you kill yourself, you will be haunted in the afterworld by a strange dark figure with dreadful mojo voodoo powers…..
I’m going on record to say that option one will be the outcome you choose, and in fact, I’m soooo confidant, I’ll bet you 20$.
And there is the subset of option 1 – transition and don’t bother with surgery, other than to lower your T levels (such as an orchidectomy).
Frankly, unless you drop trou in public, nobody knows or cares if you did or didn’t …
The real comfort is being treated externally as the woman you’ve always felt like internally. Get some voice tutoring if you need it, get your weight down if needed – do whatever to get into the main bellcurve of typical women … and just live there!
I don’t view it as a cheap Hollywood stunt …. as I had mentioned in a previous post, viewed in one perspective …. Option 4 is a very unselfish act on the TS’s part …. it is a real option for those dealing with it …. and I think needs to be analyzed at the same level as the other 3 options before being discounted or accepted. Just because it’s a distasteful option, doesn’t mean it should be summarily dismissed.
Nonetheless, I certainly don’t need to be on any watch, as it’s no great secret that it’s ultimately not in my nature. I like life too much, and if pressed, can apparently be quite the selfish person. But though it doesn’t turn out to be my decision …. when ranked, its last place finish isn’t necessarily guaranteed.
It’s bad programming to include Option 4. I hope that it is just a cheap Hollywood stunt meant to hook viewers. I would prefer that the field be narrowed to Options 1-3 immediately.