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For The Love Of Gawd … Keep Amy Away From The Nuclear Weapons
Ya know … I’m an extremely predictable creature of habit. Really predictable. So when I go days and days in a row, Without updating AmyNews.com … You know something is up. But what, pray tell? Well … Nothing new or different really, Just the same ol’ problem that I’ve been struggling with for quite a…
Amy’s Addiction
I must confess … I have an addictiooooon. No, it’s not a controlled substance of any sort. In fact, here’s some Amy-trivia, I have never partaked, used, or consumed any controlled substance. Ever. Not even marijuana. But I don’t give a hoot if people do. Over the years, I have had friends that have consumed…
Back Like J Lo’s Butt
Sworry for my lack for substantive postage the past few days … I’ll try to get you caught up on my misadventures. 🙂 For now … we’re talking last Friday … I did the work thing in the AM and then did a little car ride to Ann Arbor for my semi-annual physical and series…
Friday Five for March 14, 2003
1. Do you like talking on the phone? Why or why not? Yeah. Pretty much so. I talk on the cell phone a ton, about 1500 – 2000 minutes a month …. in fact, I really don’t need service at my home, everyone I want to talk to uses my mobile number. 2. Who is…
Sorry, We’re Closed
So, last Wednesday night was the end of the bowling season, The date which had been set in my mind as the end of my day as boy. Now, work and commitment to family has meant it wasn’t completely my last day as a boy, Around everyone. But it was, My last day as boy…
Fraternity Row
When I returned home Sunday night from my weekend in Chicago … I did what I usually do after being away for a few days, I checked to see if my website had been defaced in any way, And then checked my e-mail to see if I received anything hateful or interesting. No defacing comments…
ROFLMAO Ouch LOL OwWW !! ROFL Son of a … LOL 🙂
Or, she could break into a rendition of a revised version of Bob Hope’s themesong:
“Thanks for the mammaries. …”
Somewhere in between curing the ill, rolling drunks, and making a corned beef sandwich, I found a little time to call Amy and wish her well…Well, actually, I was calling on behalf of the repossession comapny I work for, but given that her big day was coming up, I thought I give her one more day of enjoying the naugahyde Barca-Lounger, and decided to share my warm wishes instead…
Well, as could be expected, Amy was somewhat worried. I’m sure she was a little worried about the implications of this next big transition ste step, but her greatest concern was that she had not thought of a snappy line with which to regale the assembled post-op staff once she emerged from her miasma…..
I know it’s a bit late, and the moment has since passed, but here are some lines you could have used, which would almost certainly have guaranteed your being smothered with a chloroform soaked rag….
5. “I couldn’t help but notice the lack of an implant under my superfluous third nipple…”
4. “Just to clarify, you did fill these implants with rich, creamy nougat?”
3. “So….now that I have pornstar boobs, when do I get to fellate Ron Jeremy???”
2. “Hey…I was coming here for a breast augmentation, not to get my feet amputated….Wait, there they are….my bad….”
and No 1….
“How come nobody told me after the ultrasound that I was going to have twins….”
Bah-dum-dum, Ching!!! Well, it’s not bad considering I’m not getting paid, and I’m not preternaturally funny….
Anyhoo…hope you’re not in too much pain, and if you are, don’t stop screamin’…..
Laura
Frtunately, I was never confronted with this challenge. “To augment or not to augment” was never the question.
I had mistakenly assumed that my mother’s diminutive cup size would be my legacy. My doctor told me that sometimes the gene pool gets “a bit shallow” from generation to generation and my GRANDmother’s breast size would be my legacy. Both of grand mothers seemed to have been well endowed, and the fruits of their nature were passed on to me.
So, despite all information to the contrary, when the hormones “woke them up,” they just “grew.” They didn’t ask permission, they just kinda “happened.” And, after just so much wearing big shirts, vests and jackets to hide “the ‘B-cup’ girls,” I went “full time.” There was little choice.
Keep us abreast of new developments.
🙂
Delia
I’m thinking of you Amy…Good positive thoughts streaming your way…
love ya sis!
Makenna
Hmmm. A fake ad for fakies??? Perhaps there are real ads for real ones??? Makes me wonder where I’ve been all my life.
No … that’s a fake billboard … check out the site … they’ve got a whole bunch of really funny ones ! 🙂
Yeah … I’m a marketer’s dream !! 🙂
You’ve obviously read Prozac Nation!!!! funny girl – the poster ain’t that bad either. Is that a real poster?
so you saw that and said,
“Gee, Doc, sign me up!”