For Sale

One time, at bowling …

All of us were in attendance,

Singer, Hottie, Sister, Miss Daisy and me,

When all of us were NOT supposed to be there.

You see, a couple of weeks ago, Miss Daisy decided to road trip to Toronto … for a couple of days of fun.

Leave on Wednesday, return on Friday.

So on a particular Wednesday morning, Miss Daisy and his friend, Paul, hit the road for Toronto …

It’s a few hours drive to the border …

But I guess they made it there around noonage.

They approached the border …

And chose a lane for which to drive into Canada.

Unfortunately, they chose … poorly.

After rolling down their car window to talk with the attentive Canadian border patrol guard leaning back on the rear two legs of the chair on which he was sitting, shoulders pressed against the far wall of his little shed perched on the side of the road, the following exchange ensued:

Attentive Canadian Border Patrol Guard, still leaning back on the rear two legs of his chair: “Eh Hoser, whatcha doin’?” *belch*

Paul: “Going to Toronto to see a play, shop and meet up with some friends.”

Attentive Canadian Border Patrol Guard, still leaning back on the rear two legs of his chair: “Eh, no? Nice car … new?” *wiping nose with the sleeve of his coat*

Paul: “No, not really, I’ve had it for a few years, bought it used.”

Attentive Canadian Border Patrol Guard, still leaning back on the rear two legs of his chair, though trying to recover a piece of the doughnut he was eating that had fallen out of his mouth and made its way to his crotch region: “Well, it’s new to Canada, eh? hehe Ouch, I just pinched myself.”

Paul: “What?”

Attentive Canadian Border Patrol Guard, suddenly aggitated, standing and pressing his face against the little sliding window in his shed: “WRONG ANSWER !!!! Is that back bacon in your car !!!!! Ooooops” *fart*

Paul, covering his nose with his hand: “Ahhhh, no, I’m sorry, it’s …. what’s that smell? I mean, it’s a notebook computer.”

Attentive Canadian Border Patrol Guard, still pressing his face against the little sliding window in his shed, while picking at his teeth with his finger: “Ahhh ha !!! Just as I … oh, what’s the word … wanted, noooo … drank, nooooooo … oh, come on, I did it just last month … what is the …. THOUGHT !!! That’s it … just as I thought !!!! Yuse tuse are spoiled Americans coming into Canada for work !! No jobs in America … you want my job !! Ouch, ooh … lookie … teeth marks on my finger.”

Paul: “No sir, we’re not. We’re just here for pleasure, besides, the unemployment rate in Canada is over 10% worse than it is in our country.”

Attentive Canadian Border Patrol Guard, still pressing his face against the little sliding window in his shed, smelling his finger: “You know how to read, don’t you? You’re a spy !! Leave !!!”

Paul: “Sir, seriously, we just want to visit for pleasure. We have no interest in working in your country.”

Attentive Canadian Border Patrol Guard, sticking his head out of the little sliding window: “Liar, liar, liar … pants on fire !!! Hey, my head is stuck.”

Paul: “Your nose is catching on the side of the window, just turn your head and you’ll be okay.”

Attentive Canadian Border Patrol Guard, pulling his head back into his tiny little shed: “Don’t give me any medical advice you, you with your awful American health care system. You come to Canada for our health stuff, you’re jealous that they are going to fix my broken nose for free … I’ll have it fixed before 2021. Besides, I was talking about my other head, eh? I forgot to zip up and when I leaned over, things got stuck. Ouch … ouch … ouch.”

Paul: “Sir, really, we aren’t here to seek employment. We just want to spend money and have some fun.”

Attentive Canadian Border Patrol Guard, hopping up and down in his little shed, trying to unzip his pant zipper: “Where do you work in America? Ouch, ouch, ouch … ahhhhhhh, ouch, ouch, ahhhhh, ouch.”

Paul: “Sir, we are both unemployed. But we’re not here for work, we want to spend money in your country.”

Attentive Canadian Border Patrol Guard, rubbing his crotch: “See !! See !!! I was right !! Mommy, I was right !!!! Oh Oooooooh … Go, go, go … Turn around and go home … quick !!!”

Paul: “Fine, we’ll go home. Fucking Asshole.”

Attentive Canadian Border Patrol Guard, licking his fingers: “I give you Americans credit about that, you’re smart. How do all of you know my name?”

Paul: “What?”

Attentive Canadian Border Patrol Guard, wiping his mouth: “My name. That’s my name. Well, it’s not my real name, but a nickname my mom gave me … it’s what everyone calls me.”

Paul, laughing: “I can imagine. Have a good day Fucking Asshole.”

Attentive Canadian Border Patrol Guard, still leaning back on the rear to legs of his chair: “You too American.”

Five minutes later … safely heading west again … back in the U.S.A.

Miss Daisy, waking up: “Are we there yet?”

Paul: “Change of plans.”

Miss Daisy: “As long as there’s alcohol, I don’t care.”

Paul: “I know MD. I know.”

Now … let’s be real, it’s not like any of The UnUsual Suspects have never been asked to leave a country before,

We have.

And most likely, will be again.

But usually we’re allowed into the country first.

Besides, it’s really not like we’re told to leave … it’s more of a suggestion.

Anyways … as far as Canada goes …

No wonder they are going out of business.

Pretty long story to share a single link, eh? 😉