Cockblocking Miss Daisy

I had purchased two tickets for a performance of Mamma Mia! about three weeks ago … with the delusion that I could actually convince someone to go with me.

And surprises of surprises … I was actually able to find someone to go with me ! 🙂

Miss Daisy.

Yuhpers, Miss Daisy got drafted into taking me to see Mamma Mia! It was sort of a default drafting … as the poor boy was the only UnUsual Suspect whose cries of S.O.S. were left unanswered and he was stuck without any other plans that night … I’m glad that was the case.

I had asked him about a week earlier if he’d be willing to go with me if I couldn’t convince anyone else to go with, and like a Super Trouper, he stepped up and said he would …

Of course, I had to promise him that after the play, I’d hang out with him while he went gay bar hopping and give him a ride home if needed … Mamma Mia ! … but it was something I’d have done for him anyways … so it was a deal at twice the price for me !! 🙂

Though as the time approached for me to actually go out on Saturday night … I was stressing like crazy … and completely thinking of backing out.

Why?

Well … for a couple of reasons:

One, it was going to be the first time that any of The UnUsual Suspects saw me in real life; and,

Two, going to the play was placing myself in an environment where there was a greater than normal likelihood I would encounter someone that I would know.

I was convinced this could be my Waterloo.

By three o’clock on Saturday afternoon … I was like thinking there was a 50/50 chance I’d go … already forming a back-up plan of just going to the bars with Miss Daisy and skipping the play.

But I sooooo wanted to see the play. It was hard say what I’d do, knowing me,

Knowing you would be upset with me if I backed out, especially in light of all the hype I had given the play, I just knew I had to steel the nerve to go.

Then … at 3:02 p.m. … I got a text message on my phone as I was driving home from the mwall.

“What color lipstick are you wearing tonight? ….. Miss Daisy”

I immediately laughed and it had an amazing calming effect on me !! Apparently he had noticed on my website that I was “terrified” that day … so he took it upon himself to try to de-stress me some … incredibly sweet !! 🙂 We exchanged a few more text messages and before I knew it … it was time for me to start the Amy prep.

Miss Daisy was arriving at my house at 7:00 pm (Grandma Daisy was dropping him off !! :)) … so at 5:00 pm I decided to take a shower and start getting ready, but unfortunately, the VH1 Top One Hit Wonders show was keeping my attentioooon … so I continued watching the tube until about 5:30 pm when I was finally able to pull myself away from it …

A 15 minute shower and 20 minute hair drying experience took me to 6:05 pm. I got dressed and did the make-up thing … which between the two took me until 6:30 pm … leaving me plenty of time to putter with my hair … which I attacked with this great hair flattener that Skipper gave me earlier in the day … at 6:45 pm I was feeling adequate … threw on the boots and accessorized myself … and finally got around to painting my nails (yeah, I really should have done that earlier, but no harm, no foul).

Miss Daisy arrived promptly at 7:00 pm. The top I was wearing was a sleeveless number and I wasn’t ready to put on a jacket yet, so Miss Daisy’s first visual of me was wearing a sleeveless red glittery mock turtleneck, black slacks and black fashion boots …

I went to the door, mentally said “What the Phuck” … and opened it.

I was in total Amy mood, so I’m guessing I tossed out a smile, but it’s hard to say.

He walked in the house and was totally kewl. He didn’t scream, he didn’t yell, he didn’t laugh … and most importantly …

He didn’t run !

I told him I would be right back, I just had a couple of touch-ups to do and then I’d be ready to roll.

I put on a dab or two of Happy Heart, fluffed my hair and went to get my jacket.

“How do I look? Am I freaking you out? Am I going to embarass you? You still have time to back out !”

“No, not at all. You look really good. Much better that you look in the pictures you post of yourself on your website. There’s no guy in you at all. I only see woman. You look really good.”

“Are you sure? ‘Cause I’m warning you, I need some major affirmation here !! 🙂 If we see anyone I know at the play, I might just bolt !” 🙂

“Don’t worry, no one would recognize you at all. You look total girl.”

Apparently he was willing to take a chance on me.

“Okay then … let’s go !”

So at 7:10 pm we hit the road … it’s only about a 15 minute drive from my house to downtown so we made the parking structure at 7:30 pm.

Decision time … we parked in the parking structure where I have my firm’s monthly parking … which saved me the event parking fee … gotta watch the money, money, money … there were several parking structures blocks closer to where the performance was playing … but this location was not that far from where the bars were that we were going to hit afterwards … unfortunately that meant I started the evening off with a 5 block walk … ouch.

We got to the performance hall and Miss Daisy was behaving as the perfect gentleman. Our conversation felt easy and normal to me, and as I usually do rather quickly, forgot I was in Amy mode and was just happy being me … I didn’t really do much of a look around to see if there was anyone I knew, but from my casual glances, I didn’t notice anyone … however, I was very interested in what the women were wearing, so I scoped around for that more than anything … sizing up the competition, ’cause ya know, the winner takes it all, and I was feeling pretty good about myself.

Though I purchased “Best Available” seats weeks ago, it was the last Saturday evening performance which meant … our seats sucked !! We were in the next to last row of the balcony and being too impatient for the elevator, I made Miss Daisy walk the 6,294 stairs up to the top. Our seats were in the middle of the row, so once we were there, we weren’t about to leave.

The play was a riot … to me, it was more of a comedy with a great soundtrack instead of a musical. Though our seats were awful, we could see the entire stage and the sound was perfect … could hear every tune. It was hilarious how they were able to interweave the ABBA songs into the play’s storyline so perfectly !! That was what I laughed most about … how all of the sudden they’d break into a song and it would be the perfect lyrics for that point in the play !! I knew practically all of the songs, though there were a couple I didn’t know. It was kind of weird hearing different renditions of the songs … Knowing Me, Knowing You was sung by a guy … but it all worked. It was about 2 hours 30 minutes long, one intermission and it seemed like they were singing songs all time time … which was great !! 🙂 The end was amazing … as after the play concluded … the cast came back for their encore and did several of the songs again in various dance routines … the crowd was pretty dead except for during the encore. No dancing or singing along … but the tunes still moved you … even if just in the seats !! 🙂 I really enjoyed it and definitely would like to see it again !

Miss Daisy was great, though he was clearly aching for a cigarette, he didn’t even take advantage of the opportunity for a smoke break at intermission and stayed to keep me company. I think he was a bit bored at times … chewing his fingernails and placing his feet on the back of the rows in front of us occasionally … but he didn’t suggest anything to me but that he was having a great time ! 🙂 If you want to get a visual of what Miss Daisy looks like and acts like … imagine Ferris Bueller.

Afterwards we hit the bars … first a middle of the road gay bar … it was packed with guys, standing room only and I was the only chick in there. Well, that’s not quite true, there were two ladies enraptured with one another in one corner booth and a couple of drag queens flirting with some boys. Miss Daisy introduced me to a couple of his friends, Paul and Allan, while we waited for another of Miss Daisy’s friends to arrive. I’m not an attention hog or anything … shut up 😛 … but I’m not one to shy away from a conversation, even when I have to initiate and engage … which I did with Paul and Allan. Paul was a riot … nice, sarcastic sense of humor and he had me laughing … apparently Miss Daisy told him the name of the game about me and I guess he said that I looked fine … which was nice, and he was a dear to me all evening using the correct pronouns all night and he even bought me a water at the last watering hole. Allan was a total gentleman, earlier in the evening before I met him, I was attempting to make my way to the ladies room … which was totally blocked by a pack of guys in the standing room only location … Allan saw me trying to work my way there … moved some guys out of my way … and then when I exited … cleared a path for me again. What a dear. It was so cool that later in the evening, it turned out we’d chat for quite a while. Then Miss Daisy’s friend Joe arrived, who is my new best friend from Texas. I totally connected and had a blast gabbing with Joe. 🙂 After the first bar, we went to an entry level gay bar … the type were newbies frequent and guys in denial are willing to go with their girlfriends because it’s “a great place to dance.” Yeah right. Anyways … the music was fun there and the dance floor sweaty with a bunch of dancing queens. After striking out there … Miss Daisy made us walk … one, two, three, four and a half blocks to some other bar … which apparently was the repository for the elder gay set. I saw Paul and Allan there, but other than that … everyone was over 90 except for these three young punks. One said something totally rude to Joe, which prompted me to utter “I’m going to go Charlie’s Angel on you” … (seriously, where do I come up with that krap ?? And I only had three beers in me at that point) … anyways, it wasn’t necessary as Miss Daisy stepped in and actually got the jerk to apologize before I could have my kill bill fun. Then there was this arrogant cocksucker (omg, and for once, I mean it literally) who was trying to pick up Joe or Miss Daisy, maybe both. He was a jerk, I didn’t like him at all and refused to cooperate in allowing either to have an immediate future with him that evening. We left shortly thereafter.

Joe seemed to enjoy my company, and I don’t even think he was drunk !! So he asked as the night was drawing to a close if I wanted to meet up with him and Miss Daisy later in the week again. Yes, of course !! 🙂 Joe was so cool … and he like my satellite radio … and he has a Tivo too !! He’s got his priorities right !! 🙂

Then I had to drive Miss Daisy back home … unfortunately, his place is two blocks south of bum fuck egypt. Fortunately, however, it gave us a chance to talk some more.

He told me how nervous he was about going out … but that within 10 minutes of being around me, was totally at ease. He deserves major credit, because he never showed once to me his anxiety … sensing I was a nervous wreck, he totally hid his nervousness … which I greatly appreciated. Not only that, but the fact that he was so nervous about going out with me and was willing to still go shows what a great friend he is … mucho props to Miss Daisy. Thank you soooo much. 🙂

After I dropped him off … I started reflecting on the night further … first of all … Miss Daisy was a total gentleman all night, he never screwed up once on the pronouns or the name, always held the door for me, and treated me with the utmost respect. Something I don’t expect to receive from just your mere mortal male. 🙂

During the play, I really didn’t have any moments of anxiety, because I really didn’t feel as I was being read by anyone, except possibly the girl sitting right next to me, but I can’t say for certain she even made the call despite the fact that we actually gabbed about the show some during intermission.

At one point during the play, as Miss Daisy was slouched in his chair, biting his nails and knees planted against the back of the seat in front of him … and I was sitting there, nice and proper, leg crossed, purse secured on my knee … I did reflect how much more comfortable it looked like Miss Daisy was sitting and how those days were gone for me …

I was totally comfortable being me pretty much as soon as the play ended. In fact, I’d say that’s the point where I forgot what I was doing completely and was just being myself.

As the drive home continued …

I thought about how I would have never guessed that the first UnUsual Suspect that I would hang out with as me would have been Miss Daisy …

And how I was so lucky to have Miss Daisy in my life with whom to hang out.

I thought about how badly I needed go to the rest room and how for the love of gawd, I wish he lived closer to town.

I thought about how out of all my female friends I would have never guessed it would be Skipper that would be willing and have the time to go shopping with me and just hang out.

And how lucky I was to have a friend as nice as Skipper.

Then I again thought about how badly I needed go to the rest room and how for the love of gawd, I wished Miss Daisy lived closer to town.

I continued to smile all the way home. It was a great night and lots of fun.

I couldn’t have laughed and smiled more.

Especially when I thought about how as I was driving up Miss Daisy’s driveway, the answer Miss Daisy gave me when I asked him why he wasn’t able to hook up with anyone that night …

“I was confusing everyone, I showed up with a girl, none of the guys were responding to me … they were trying to figure out what I was doing with a woman … you totally cockblocked me.”

Sweet. 🙂