Lost Puppy

My puppy passed away yesterday. And I’m sad.

She wasn’t quite a puppy, but she wasn’t very old. She was almost 6. I got her when she was really a puppy … shortly after Ex and I separated. My pup was really good for me. She was fun, lively, smart, had attitude, incredibly loyal to me … and was always happy when I got home. Each and every time I came home … she’d bark at me as if trash talking, and I’d trash talk right back … and then we’d play our little game of herding and big time wrestling. She was a Shetland Sheepdog (Sheltie) and her herding instinct was strong … she’d bark and run circles … nudging and herding me into my den … once there, I’d do a little jump in her direction … and she’d jump up in my chair (we both knew she wasn’t really surprised by the move, after all, we did this little game thousands of times) … I’d stand over her and we trash talked each other a bit more … then I’d rub, pet, scratch, and roll her over several times while we tossed barking barbs at one another and discussed our respective days … I’d eventually grab her head with both hands and slowly bring our faces together until she’d “nose-butt” me … causing me to take a step backwards at which point she’d claim victory … then, only then … after we did that little ritual every time I came over … sometimes multiple times a day … would she be willing to go outside to be let out … if I tried to vary it … if I failed to do it … she’d refuse to go outside … and she could be a very stubborn puppy !! 🙂

The last time we were able to do the full blown ritual was Wednesday, and when I went to let her give her victory nose-butt … I noticed lumps on the side of her face. Lumps that weren’t there on Monday, or at least weren’t noticeable, when I had her at the vet on that day. She was still lively and acted pretty normal while she went outside to chase and attempt to herd any squirrels or rabbits that she found in our her backyard, but I was concerned. For the last month, maybe more than that, she’s had some health problems … I almost lost her a month ago … but a heavy routine of prescription medication multiple times a day, eyedrops three/four times a day and a special diet of homecooked chicken mixed with rice … seemed to have brought her back … in fact, for about two weeks after the really bad scare about a month ago … she seemed close to fully recovered … then about two weeks ago … noticing only because when you live with another for so long, you begin to sense things about them … I knew she wasn’t okay … she didn’t act seriously off, and most really wouldn’t notice anything … but her breathing was more labored that it should have been … the look in her eyes was slightly different … I’ve spent a lot of time at the vet’s the past month … I did everything I could … the vet had been running all sorts of tests … she had an assortment of symptons, but her bloodwork and tests kept coming back normal … but on Thursday morning … though she seemed to be doing okay … I had googled the face swelling and knew it wasn’t good … her lymph nodes were seriously inflamed, at least so I thought … I called the vet and was told to bring her in on Friday morning … Thursday when I got home … we did a mini version of the ritual … she was lacking some energy… throughout the night … she visited me several times and I patted her and we talked … at 8:00 a.m. Friday morning, I dropped her off at the vet after patting her and kissing the top of her head … about 1:00 p.m. the doctor called and told me he suspects she has lymphosarcoma … her lymph nodes are swollen throughout her body and though he’s not a pathologist … he suspects cancer … he asked permission to run more tests and send her samples to a pathologist … of course I consented … we then discussed what to do next, he said she was comfortable there, and that he’d like to keep her overnight to observe and hopefully stablize her … as she was running a fever and her breathing was becoming even more labored … we agreed that I’d come and pick up her Saturday morning so I could hopefully take her home while we awaited the lab results.

At 5:00 p.m. last night, just as I had arrived at a fundraiser for the local pet spay and neutering program … I got the call from the vet … she had passed away. Of course I asked if she had been in pain … and he told me he didn’t think she had been … she just fell asleep and passed away … and for that I am thankful. My ever loyal puppy didn’t even force me to make the difficult decision next week … she took it out of my hands. I finished my obligations at the fundraiser … called Ex .. and then drove to my parents to tell them … also because I didn’t want to go home … knowing how empty and hallow it would feel. I cried as I told my parents what happened … and they were both super great and supportive as always … they helped me feel better … I left and drove around for a while … and eventually got home around midnight.

I’ll miss her. She was a great puppy.

And if you have puppy or kitten, sometime this weekend … give them a hug and a kiss on the top of their head … for me and my puppy.

Thanks. 🙂