Ms. Piggy

Oink …… Oink ……. Oink

6 Double White Castles …… 2 Fish Sandwiches ….. 2 Fries

Come on ….. that’s just not right !! There’s no way in the world I should eat that much !!! Especially sliders from White Castle !!!! It’s not healthy !!

But yes ….. I did it again ….. in another of my transition related travels …… I found a way to stop at a White Castle during the excursion ….. (let us not forget the infamous, though unwise, White Castle run following my tracheal shave ….. it just wasn’t a good thing to do !! :0)

Today’s trip …… Ann Arbor, Michigan ……. part of my scheduled maintenance as a participant (or is it patient?) in the University of Michigan Health System Comprehensive Gender Program ….. heckuva name, huh??

Actually, I’d say it’s pretty descriptive of this somewhat “discrete” program offered by the U of M (Go Blue !! Yea !! Yeppers, I’m an alum. Yes, our basketball program was corrupt …. no, it doesn’t matter ….. why, because we’re a football school !! I’ve said it before. :))

Their intention is to sort of be a one stop shopping for transgender needs …… and for the most part, I think they meet this objective. I believe they have pretty much someone from all aspects of transitioning to refer you if so needed ….. I have personally chose not to use anyone from the program for my tracheal shave, nor do I intend to use anyone from the program for my planned ffs, boobfill or srs …. but I have used people associated with the program, or their referrals, for counseling, hormones, medical check-ups, voice therapy and sperm banking (lol the phrase “sperm banking” just cracks me up). Lynn Conway put me in contact with them when I asked her who she’d recommend nearby as an experienced counselor for gender issues. She recommended I contact the program and get a referral from them …. and then also mentioned to remember to think for myself because some tend to be very engrossed in their gatekeeper role. The woman is wise !!!!! Definitely Yoda-momma !!

I had ….. let’s see …… 80 sessions with a general practice counselor concerning my gender issues …… very unproductive ….. but I did like the guy ……. and I think he liked me …. at the least, he definitely found me entertaining ….. however, ultimately we agreed I needed to find someone who was more experienced in such issues …. thus ….. my contact with the University of Michigan Health System Comprehensive Gender Program to obtain such a counselor …..

I picked the one I did because at the time I had insurance that he accepted …. no other reason …… short sighted …. got dropped from my ex’s policy two months after beginning to see the arrogant, self-indul highly qualified health care professional. To say we’ve had a strained relationship in the past would probably be an understatement ….. at times I think we simply didn’t like one another …. and let’s be real …… how could he not like me ?? (Don’t answer that !!!!! :)) …… My problem with him was that after my coming to terms with being a transsexual, and his concurrence, along with his opinion that I suffered no other mental or emotional conditions that compounded or complicated my transsexualism, he expected me to be very out-and-about about being ts and tell way too many people before I was ready ….. all before being willing to recommend me for hrt. His problem with me was that I was like ….. whatever !!!! ….. hrt is part of my evaluation for whether this feels right or not ….. whether I should transition ….. and outting myself to the world prior to making the final decision just for the sake of taking hormones would be irresponsible …..

Our stalemate lasted for many …. many ….. sessions.

Let’s see …… I’ve had 50 sessions with him and I’d say we rumbled on this topic for about ….. 25 of them …… So …… why didn’t I just get a different counselor in the program …. ‘specially since I no longer needed him for insurance purposes …… hmmmmm …… you’re the umpteenth person to ask me that ….. for a while, I think it was just me being stubborn …… ultimately though, it was just easier and quicker for me to sell out and do what he wanted …… hey, sometimes you just gotta sell out ::shoulder shrug::.

So I told more people that I really wanted to, as he insisted ….. and things went okay in that respsect …. so that was good …. then I was such the good little girl when going to my sessions or travels ….. all to conform to expectations ….

I’d cutesy all up …. heaven forbid I’d wear slacks, jeans or go in boy mode …. No way !! I’d go all soccer mom-ish in a country club preppy dress/skirt or sassy in a short, though almost tasteful, business suit ….. actually, it was a rather empowering experience …… I got practice in how to manipulate men. (Not something I advocate doing regularly ….. but it’s nice to have the ability.) I also learned how to be hilariously sarcastic while giggling …… something I suspect I’ll be doing for the rest of my life! Though, unfortunately, it was during this time that I also learned to roll my eyes ….. definitely a habit I need to break.

POOF !!! After a half dozen of such sessions ….. I got my hrt referral …… made an appointment with the doctor most seemed to go to for ‘mones in the program ….. but …… it was like 2 months out …… which was not good for me, ’cause ….. I’ve got stuff to do 🙂 ….. So I called back ….. and got a referral for another doctor new to the program …… got in to see her in like 2 days ….. and she’s the best !!!! Simply great ….. concerned, funny, knowledgeable, inquisitive, great follow-up ….. I’m lucky to be one of her patients.

And now ….. in retrospect ….. I’m not going to say the couselor was wrong in his position ….. things have generally turned out good ….. we did “negotiate” my extent of disclosure bringing it to within reason in my opinion ….. and generally speaking, I find him useful on occasion and I actually think we might have ….. get this …… a possible small amount of mutual respect ….. I’m on low maintenance review in the program now …. with him …. a single one hour session every six months or so ….. no biggie …… and today’s for example ….. I found beneficial.

But I am different than I think a lot of his patients in the past have been …… I’m part of the new crowd …. the very informed, educated about our issue, group of us that have researched and explored this issue intensely ….. prior to ever seeing a counselor …… I’ve had about 125 counseling sessions solely to address my transsexualism …… and I’d say all but 3 4 have been a complete waste of my time …… such a waste of resources and effort. Nonetheless, I suppose I get some comfort in knowing I thoroughly, exhaustively evaluated it and myself prior to deciding to transition.

And ….. during each of my trips …… I got to make a White Castle run !! 🙂

Speaking of which …… please excuse me …. I need to go purge. 😉

On a side note …… I personally consider myself very fortunate to have the services of the University of Michigan Health System Comprehensive Gender Program so closeby and available. When one submits to such a program, there are bound to be gatekeeper elements, but they really haven’t been bad at all, and I think we all bear our own responsibility to think for ourselves. And though we’ve had our differences, it has been very comforting to have a counselor who brings a lot of experience in dealing with transgender issues to the table. Plus, the personnel in the program ….. so incredibly cool ….. when I wanted some sperm banking information …. I called up, spoke to someone, and two days later ….. got what I wanted in the mail ….. when I wanted some voice lessons …. same thing. NICE !! No searching around or anything. And for a lazy bummette like me …. wwk. 🙂