21st Century Poop

As my comments below will suggest,

This week was an incredibly bad week on American Idol.

However, there was one positive …

At least Paula wasn’t drunk off her butt this week,

Or looped up on pills.

Nonetheless,

I still think Paula needs to go …

Seriously,

All she does is copy what Randy says,

Interrupts Simon,

And goes gaa gaa over the boys 20 years her junior.

It’s time she is replaced by me,

I need to be the next American Idol judge in the middle chair !!!

As far as my qualifications go …

I offer the following:

1.) Like Paula, during the last 20 years, I have done nothing to suggest I have any musical talent of my own;

2.) Unlike Paula, I bring an element of unpredictability to the show … cause really, you just never know what I’m going to say; and,

3.) I prefer Coca-cola products over that other stuff, so I’m completely fine with having that red Coca-Cola glass in front of me pimping the product during the show.

Seems to me like I’m totally qualified,

So on the slim chance you agree …

Be sure to pass the word !!! 🙂

And if any Idol producers are reading AmyNews.com,

I’m more than willing to do a guest judge appearance on Idol to show you how I’d totally rock your world,

Though if you do,

You might want to consider running the show on that 7 second delay thing.

It’s just a thought. 🙂

As far as last night’s show goes …

Here are my First Impressions and Lessons Learned:

Lisa – First Impression: Kinda reminds me of Jennifer Love Hewitt singing karaoke. Lesson Learned: Jennifer Love Hewitt really sucks at karaoke.

Kellie – First Impression: There was some slight improvement with less make-up and kinda better hair, however, that was all negated with an incredibly stupid song. Lesson Learned: I really don’t like country.

Ace – First Impression: He ruined a song I liked. Lesson Learned: Eunuchs shouldn’t sing Train.

Taylor – First Impression: His gimmick is his herky, jerky moves, he’s a yawner otherwise. Lesson Learned: Life is like a box of BORING !

Mandisa – First Impression: Wow, not good at all. This isn’t Gospel Idol. First bad night for Mandisa. Lesson Learned: Mandisa participates in the classroom discussion, but she doesn’t pay attention … how many times do I have to say it, large women should not wear jeans on stage !?! A ’72 Buick has a smaller rear end, for kripes sake.

Chris – First Impression: Second wow, Chris even disappointed me. Lesson Learned: What If I don’t like that song? Goes to show, even the good singers can blow it if they pick the wrong song.

Katherine – First Impression: Sounded like she was screaming most of the song. Lesson Learned: Well guys, they ya go, apparently she’s a screamer. Oh yeah, and she’s got awful taste in jewelry.

Bucky – First Impression: Good night. And I don’t mean he had a good night, I mean, I’m going to bed. Lesson Learned: I still really don’t like country.

Paris – First Impression: Her voice sounded good tonight and she looked like she was having fun, but it really seemed weird watching it. Lesson Learned: I retract my previous comments about her needing to sing younger songs. I think it’s possible that she’s better singing sounds too old for her … she looked like she was playing dress-up tonight.

Elliot – First Impression: Holy krap … that man cannot dance !!! Lesson Learned: This whole night of Idol sucked.

First to Worst: Taylor, Katharine, Elliot, Paris, Chris, Mandisa, Kellie, Bucky, Ace, Lisa

Bottom Three: Hmmm, this is a tough one, because with everyone blowing it for the most part and with this being in the first week of the Top 10, things are ripe for a surprise to be voted off tonight. Especially since I have a feeling that the legitimate votes might be down as people began tuning out because of the patheticness of the performances. Heck, though I suffered through the show, I didn’t even have the energy to vote once afterwards … and I’m addicted to Idol. Common sense would say that the Bottom Three would be Bucky, Ace & Lisa, and if that’s the case, Lisa is going home. However, it wouldn’t surprise me if the Bottom Three are: Katharine, Mandisa and Lisa with Katharine and Mandisa being the Bottom Two. Now that’d be a shocker, wouldn’t it? Though honestly, I also wouldn’t be surprised if Elliot took a bow too since he loses out in the Boys with Testicles competition (Chris, Taylor, Bucky & Elliot). It’s really hard to guess when everyone was so bad.

Going Home Tonight: I really want to live on the edge and predict that Mandisa is going home, which would be a total shame, ’cause I’m a Mandisa fan. Plus, Bucky sucks so bad and Lisa is just getting worse and worse, it totally makes sense that it’d be Lisa or Bucky … oh well, enough thinking. Tonight’s loser is … peace out Katharine, you’re done. (Like Lisa, she’s also from CA, meaning she won’t get the support other states give, however, unlike Lisa, she has been under the radar lately so her supporters might have slacked off this week and she’ll get caught in the undertow of lousy performances.)