Queen Idol

Okay, there’s an argument that I’m just bitter …

Having clearly been passed over for the middle judge chair on American Idol,

With them renewing Paula for another three something years and all.

But once again,

I think she was messed up last night.

Fortunately this time, she didn’t just ramble on and on and on …

But what she said made no sense whatsoever.

And I’m sick of her showing favoritism to the guys with whom she wants to sleep,

Which if I’m not mistaken,

Is every male contestant.

Please … can’t they vote Paula off this week.

Oh well …

Obviously,

None of my suggestions as to who should sing what were taken to heart by the Idols,

And my previous predictions as to who will get the boot might prove to be oh so wrong,

But before we discuss that,

Let’s review the contestants one by one:

Bucky – He sang Fat Bottomed Girls, which was a really good song choice. Granted, his voice was too small for the song, but still, he did the song justice. I was pleasantly surprised.

Ace – Ace sang We Will Rock You, and holy krap! was that ever bad. First of all, leather pants on men are stupid. Stupid I say. I can’t help but think of Ross whenever I see them. But besides that, his voice was pathetic, he looked uncomfortable stumbling around the stage, and though I haven’t punished myself to re-watch his performance, I think he even screwed up some of the lines. How? I don’t know. ’Cause seriously, how difficult are the lyrics to We Will Rock You? But wtfever, what I found even more stunning was how he couldn’t seem to manage the mic around his mouth. Go figure. He was awful and definitely needs to leave.

Kellie – Just as I was completely stunned at how bad Ace performed his song, I was completely stunned at how well Kellie performed her selection. When they said she chose Bohemian Rhapsody I was like, “Oh krap, this is going to be bad“. Which really sucks, considering that I am apparently the only American that likes Kellie. However, the world just has to accept the truth … she totally owned that song. She wasted Constantine’s version of it on last year’s Idol. Kellie took a long song, condensed it, and made it totally fun. Her’s was the most entertaining performance of the night. I was completely stunned. It wasn’t an Alone moment, but honestly, she showed me she’s a helluva entertainer and actually has acceptable musical skills … come on, she air-humped right behind Randy’s head and then stood right up and softened the song as well as one could ever do live. That’s a performer people !!!  Of course, in order to win it all, she is still going to need some help with others getting kicked off in the right order, but right now … I totally think she’s qualified to be the American Idol. She’s entertaining, has a personality and she can sing at an acceptable level. Amazing !!! Pick Pickler.

Chris – I was so looking forward to Chris’ performance … with his lungs, he should have rocked our world. Each week they pick a song topic to benefit one of the Idols … this was Chris’ week ! Yay !!!  But boy, because of a lousy song selection, did he ever blow it. I was so disappointed. So disappointed that henceforth I shall now refer to Chris as Stubby.  Now to be fair, Stubby has a great, great voice … and he can scream a song really well. I think he rocks, and from a pure musical perspective, he definitely did the song justice. But whereas Kellie took a chance and did a song everyone knew and put herself out there with it to show herself up for comparison, Stubby went with a song of which few were familiar and did his normal Live thing. That’s kowardly bullshit (it’s not cursing, that’s an industry term). The song choice was the second worst selection of the entire competition (nothing can top Kellie’s Suds In A Bucket as terrible song selection). In fact, looking back at several of his song choices, I see that is his trend, his modus operandi, pick songs people aren’t familiar with and do it Live. Sadly, I’ve fallen off the Stubby bandwagon. I think Stubby might have really hurt himself this week, because I don’t think I was the only person looking forward to his performance and ended up being miserably disappointed. Even though he sang well, I was bored silly. This single performance might have cost him the American Idol. 

Katharine – Okay, because she flipped songs, which I’m not saying was a bad decision, because she sang her second selection really well, but … because she flipped songs, for the “reason” that she wasn’t comfortable jumping around the stage and performing a song that was … ummm, what’s that word I’m looking for … let’s see, oh yeah … UP-TEMPO!!! … she confirmed to me that she doesn’t want to win American Idol, but instead has her heart set on Broadway Idol. She certainly looked beautiful and she can definitely sing, but honestly, I think she’s hanging around Kellie too much, because if I’m not mistaken, she’s becoming dumber as the season progresses. Oh yeah, and she’s not all that entertaining.

Elliot – Did I hear him right ??? Did he actually say he never heard Somebody To Love before ??? Are you kidding me ??? If I’m not mistaken, back in the late 80’s (sarcasm there folks), it even made the Amish Top Ten. How could he have missed it? Anyways, Elliot did a fairly good version of the song, but something is still lacking for me when it comes to Elliot … there’s just no spark. I think he’s destined to be that good guy friend that is krazy about me and wants to bed me … but sadly for him, despite how hard he tries, will never be more than a really good friend to me. (Yeah, I know … there’s really not such a person in my life, but hey … one can dream !!! ) 

Taylor – Taylor phlipped songs too, but in his case, it was because he wanted to have fun, to entertain. It was an excellent song choice !!! You really can’t go wrong with Crazy Little Thing Called Love. It is an incredibly fun song. As expected, he stumbled all over the stage in his attempt to dance and he completely missed the mic stand when he tried to kick it down the first time, but it’s still kinda entertaining watching him and he can sing quite well. However, just for the record,  Crazy Little Thing Called Love is not a difficult song to do, I’ve seen Shaft do better versions.

Paris – Such a great voice, such a lousy song choice. I agree with Simon, something about her performance was just weird. I have come to accept that I think she’s a little girl that actually must perform old songs. She looked like a child playing dress up as Tina Turner, no … actually, I know who she looked it … you remember that mutant bar that Arnold goes to in the movie Total Recall … Paris looked like the midget hooker in the bar.

First to Worst: Katharine, Kellie, Elliot, Taylor, Stubby, Paris, Bucky, Ace

Bottom Three: Well, I think Ace sucked so bad, even his followers can’t save him from bottom three status tonight. So he’s a given. Taylor and Kellie are safe, in fact, just for the record … as they are the only two entertainers left with true personalities, I’m going to predict right now they are going to be the two finalists, that means the other two in the bottom must come from Elliot, Katharine, Stubby, Bucky and Paris.  I was so disappointed in Stubby that I’m putting him in the bottom three just because he deserves it. After watching the performances, I think that the last of the bottom three will either be Paris or Bucky, but since I said Paris is leaving tonight, I’m going to stick with it and put Paris in the bottom three.

Leaving Tonight: Though I predicted earlier it would be Paris, I really think it’s going to be Ace now. He so deserves it.