Two Steps Forward, Three Backwards

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

(Yeah, I know … I’m growling … but remember, as I’m growling … I’ve still got a sparkle in my eye and a bit of a smirk in my face ! 🙂 )

Labels … Labels … Labels.

Transsexual. Transvestite. Transgender. Crossdresser. Drag Queen. Gay. Fag. Sissy. Homo. Hermaphrodite. Intersexed. She-Male. Autogynophile.

And that’s probably not the entire list.

Heck … I’m sure I’ve missed a few.

But it doesn’t matter … ’cause that’s just a start.

Because not only does each and every one of those words have a different definition in general, but each word can have many definitions within itself … depending on the context … and depending on the person.

Now what creates some of the problem for me is that each of the words for the most part is non-conventional enough that often a person can self-identify with one word and the average populace would be none the wiser in disputing such. Eventually I’d become an example in that person’s mind of whatever word I attach to myself.

I mean … I could say I’m a football player … but anyone who knows me knows that is not true. But if I say I’m a transsexual, they have no idea what that means and there is a fairly good chance if I’m adament enough they’ll accept me as an example of that word. At least eventually. (At one point in my life, I could have used the example, I could say I’m a woman, but they’d know that’s not true … but not anymore. Which is what causes some of the difficulty in all of this for people … gender is such a basic conditioned truism in the human nomenclature that challenging such is a challenge to a basic premise necessary in human functioning) … anyways …

Since I can identify myself with whatever “label” I choose,

And since I”m no one special …

That means others can do the same,

Which is what creates my …

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Because the “label” I finally came to accept, others unlike me also accept.

So that when people think of me as my “label”, they also include others unlike me and conclude I must be like them.

And I’m not.

I identify with the word transsexual. Not a word I”m crazy about … I think it’s wrought with inapplicable linguistic roots leading to inaccurate conclusions by many guessing its meaning,

But from the available definitions … I appear to be a transsexual.

Now all of the words are not mutually exclusive … I suppose I’m also transgendered, because I perceive transsexual as a subset of transgendered. As is transvestite, crossdresser, drag queen, she-male and autogynophile. Labels I am not.

And generally speaking I try to be as specific as possible in applying labels to myself. I mean, I could say … human, earthling, American … but none of those help one trying to understand my situation when I’m explaining it to them … and the purpose of labels in the first place is to provide an opportunity for comparison by example and similarity. For understanding. Communication.

Transsexual is a subset of Transgendered to me as Quarterback is a subset of Football Player. Quarterback is the Transsexual of Football. (I’m sorry, I just thought that was incredibly funny to conclude. LOL)

Now I don’t consider gay, fag, sissy or homo subsets of transgendered.

And I’m not sure about hermaphrodite or intersexed. They may be subsets of transgendered, but I haven’t thought enough about it. I’ve contemplated whether or not hermaphrodite or intersexeds are mutually exclusive with transsexual, i.e. if one claims to be IS, does that mean they wouldn’t be a transsexual. Or could one be both IS and TS? I haven’t drawn a conclusion.

Now I think it’s part of human nature to try to “label” oneself in the most socially acceptable label possible. Which means … if I perceive one label as being better to be tagged with from society’s perception … I’d try to self-identify with that label … and since I would … I think others do also.

And though I personally dislike the label transsexual, some … unlike me in many ways and though I’m not quite sure transsexual according to my definition of the word … claim to be transsexual and become other examples of such in people’s mind.

And unfortunately … inluding in the minds of people that I know.

Twice in the past month … people in my life have met … though chance and circumstance … for the first time … others who claim to be transsexual.

And they were completely unlike me.

Apparently not wanting to blend … woodwork … like me. Not wanting to disappear into the world as just another woman … nothing special … nothing different (well, not quite true … all women are special :), but you know what I mean 🙂 ).

No … these transsexuals …

Wanted people to know they were transsexuals.

That they had a sex change and it was something to talk about.

Apparently both woman claimed to be post-op transsexuals. And neither attempted to pass. At least very well.

And my friends were left with the impression … that upon seeing, meeting a real life transsexual … that transsexuals can never really pass, blend into society as woman.

They … we … will always look like men … act like men … present as men … regardless of claimed surgeries … feelings … or beliefs.

Now this isn’t a post about passing or not passing. Sleath, woodwork or out. Everyone should be comfortable being who they are and be allowed to choose their course.

All I’m saying is that … as a result of meeting a different subset of transsexual …

I get the talk. Which I’m fine with. Because it’s nice that I have people in my life trying to understand. But when I start saying that “that’s not the type of transsexual I am” … I can tell … I’m losing them.

They don’t believe there are subsets of transsexuals … or the possibility that one might inaccurately self-identify as a transsexual. No … I see the anguish, pitty, disgust … and disbelief. Not disbelief that I’m a transsexual. No. But disbelief that I’m not like them. That I’m not like the transsexuals they met.

Thus the …

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I hate it when others define me … because I define myself !! 🙂