It’s Justa Hug
A hug.
It’s a pretty simple thing, and honestly, I never was much of a hugging person before …
But now … it’s really all I have in the way of physical contact with the world.
And sometimes … I find myself so needing a hug.
Whether I’m doing boy … girl … or whatever,
When I’m out facing the world,
I’m presenting this face of cool, calm …
Okayness.
Ya see, I’ve got to be strong,
In attitude, confidence, and
Understanding of others.
So to set a positive example for those in my life dealing with me.
And though that’s a strong part of my personality anyways,
There are times when as soon as I get home …
I’m Exhausted.
Drained.
Not desparate by any means,
It’s just that this process demands a great deal of one’s mental, emotional and being resources.
And it’s at those times,
That I long for a hug.
For someone to just momentarily embrace me,
In a comforting way …
Maybe even tenderly pat my back a couple of times,
And whisper …
You’re doing good, you’re going to make it, I’m proud of you.
But when I look around for that hug,
For that brief moment of touching support from another human being,
I’m reminded very quickly, that …
I’m alone.
And I feel it very deeply.
But it’s just something I have to learn to deal with.
Ya see …
I’ve got to be strong,
In attitude, confidence, and
Understanding of others.
To set a positive example …
Geezuz, sometimes it feels my life is an Escher print.
Yeah … it’s a struggle for me … I scammed two last Wednesday night … Singer and Sister each gave me one … which really helped … but those were like “see ya later” hugs, and though greatly appreciated and valued (thanks you two !) … are different than the … you are really a great person hug for which I’m on the search. I’m thinking the volunteer approach too. 🙂
I know how you feel Amy…I sure do.
There isn’t an easy answer for this one. I’ve been thinking alot of volunteering at a soup kitchen or shelter to get my hugs. There’s got to be a lot of them there.
Makenna
You don’t have to take a plush dog for walkies. 🙂
Hmmmmm … I’ll think about that Yodette. I used to have my puppy, and she did a great job of showing my affectioooon … I’d like to get another, but too much on my hands already, I really can’t handle any more responsibility.
Oh, I’m sure you’re right Claire. My “presentation of okayness” is substantially driven by my personality, and for the most part, I really am “okay” … it’s just that every now and then … I could really go for a hug. It must be the damn hormones ! 🙂
*hugs* aims! y’know, ya gotta have physical contact with people, especially direct skin-to-skin contact (not the intimate kind though). i once read about a study that indicated people who are touched directly more often have a brighter outlook than those who are not. it actually sets off some chain reaction which ever-so-slightly makes you feel better.
do you have to be strong for everyone else? i doubt it. i’d bet if you let yourself be vulnerable around friends and family, they wouldn’t lose faith in you, but would instead give you the hug you need. and it sounds like this need to project strength may be a carry-over trait from having to be a boy so long… could that be true?
..claire
I suggest a large plush bear or similar cuddly toy critter. It’s not the same, but it doesn’t have the complications that could get in the way for now.