What’s it like and do

What’s it like and do you really have to do it?

Those of us suffering from transsexualism are often asked …..

“What’s it feel like? You know, to be a transsexual? To feel like you’re really a girl (or boy)?”

When asked …… and when we try to answer, at first, we usually stumble over the explanation ….. because, well, heck it is just hard to describe I suppose …… but after being asked the question many times …… usually we each figure out a way to attempt to explain it …… often times by trying to describe a feeling to which the person we are talking to might relate ….. now I’m sure there are different types of transsexualism ……. because the way I describe it as feeling …… is different from the way I know some describe it as feeling to them ……. on the other hand, the way I describe it as feeling for me, is pretty similar to how I know others describe it as feeling to them ….. got that ?? yeah right ….. Let’s talk specifics here people ……

“I feel like a woman trapped in a man’s body”

I know many that describe their transsexual feelings that way. And it’s probably the most commonly thought way those not suffering from transsexualism perceive it. But it really doesn’t apply to me at all ……. I have never felt “trapped” in my male body. I have a nice, physically fit, healthy male body. I’m of average looks as far as male bodies go, and it treats me quite well ……. I also really enjoy the perks of having a male body ……. I get treated with respect by default, I am presumed to know what I’m talking about – even if I don’t, I get to wear comfortable clothes, I can get ready quickly, I’m not expected to be nice to everyone, I am allowed to be – almost expected to be – selfish, I can just show up at get-togethers and not have to bring “a dish”, I get to have people wait on me, I don’t have to do dishes, I’m not judged by my appearance, I’m not judged by how clean my house is, my body is generally low maintenance, I can pee standing up – and pretty much anywhere, if I’m successful or fortunate – I earned it – I didn’t get lucky/obtain it on my back/or have people backstab or claw at me to bring me back down, I don’t have to worry about my personal safety practically everywhere I go, and on and on …… seriously ….. for me, having the male body hasn’t felt like a trap at all …… maybe because it’s brought me so many perks and advantages.

“It’s like you leave for vacation, and as soon as the plane takes off, you think to yourself, ‘Did I turn the oven off?’ …. and though you know you must have, because you always do, the thought just won’t leave you, you can’t shake it ….. you think about the house burning down, losing all of your personal items, wait …. you have a gas stove …… it could blow up …… and hurt others ………. oh sure …. the feeling with leave you at times, and you know if the house caught on fire, eventually someone would notice and it would be put out ….. so you enjoy your vacation for a bit …. but at least a few times a day …. you’ll get this incredibly anxious feeling ….. “Did I leave the oven on?” ….. and even after you work your way through the rationalizations again ……. and you intellectually convince yourself you have nothing to worry about, there’s nothing wrong …… you will still find yourself faced with having that anxious feeling, it just won’t leave you, and it continues to interfere daily with the enjoyment of your vacation.”

That’s my explanation of it. Just substitute …. “vacation” with “life” ….. and “Did I turn the oven off” with “I feel like I am really a woman” and you’ve got the gist of the feeling for me. Everyday I think about about ….. it’s a daily intrusion on my life ….. and it interferes with me enjoying life ….. it’s a persistent itch that I can never scratch. (This particular explanation of it comes from another incredibly smart, cute and fun Amy – hey, it goes with the name.)

For me, is it unbearable? No, I don’t think so …. not at all ….. I could stick it out as a guy ……(though don’t get me wrong, I know many others who can’t, who suffer so severely from transsexualism that they do not have a choice) …… and though suicide is a risk of non-treatment of transsexualism ….. I really don’t think it’s a significant risk for me.

So why would I give up all my guy perks if I could actually stick it out as a guy ??? Is it really necessary to transition ???

Well ….. let’s think about it this way …… if you had an itch that you could not scratch …. but each day of your life ….. you itched and itched …….. even though you tried all sorts of ways that fail to make the itch go away …… except for scratching it of course, because THAT you can’t do ……. such that you finally accept the realization that the itch will never go away ……. that you are going to have this itch for your entire life …… even though it interferes with your enjoyment of this life every, single day ……. and it constantly intrudes on your thoughts …….. even though you try to focus on other things ……. to take your mind off the itch, you know ……. but nothing works to relieve the itch ………

Would you ever get to the point …… where you just said ……. “Okay !!!!! Whatever it takes !!!!! Just let me scratch !!!!”?

Would ‘cha?