Hey ya ! So,

Hey ya !

So, I’m like so into improving my website now (well, maybe I should say changing my website) …….. I was afraid this would happen ….. I’m using Blogspot Plus which I think sorta sucks because it doesn’t support server side scripting ….. (less than a week ago I had no idea what server side scripting was !! still don’t for certain, but I know I need it to do what I want to do with my website) …… I’m trying to find out if I go back to Yahoo Geocites (ahhh, the old days when it was just Geocities) if they support what I want ……

Slow episode of Firefly last night
24 was great !!!!! You should try to check it out, it’s being replayed Monday night I think.

Thursday night I was completely freaking out about my impending tracheal shave surgery …… I almost backed out …… what’s the story with that? You know what it is ?? I’m not sure, but I don’t think it has anything to do with me being uncertain it’s the right decision, but more that it has to do with a strong, affirmative step towards making a decision for Choice A, and that scares me. I know A is the best choice if I want to give myself a chance at living life. And as far as anyone knows, I’m living life right now ….. not just playing a role. wtf does anything in this paragraph mean? What am I? Drunk? (No :P)

I had a really nice telephone conversation with a girl a few days ago. She’s been fulltime several months now, lost some family and friends, but is estactic about her decision. She’s said something that I think we all (“we all” meaing t-individuals) can relate to ….. “I wish I had done this so many years ago” ……. I remember a girl telling me that when I was 26 …… a decade later I’m saying the same thing ….. I wish I had done this years ago …… but you know what? ……… it’s easy to say, but I honestly believe that we (refer to definition above for “we all”) are so finally tuned to ourselves, without even know it, that we know when the time is right for us …… and that is not necessarily when we first start embrancing our t-ness ……. I have done a lot of things in my life for other people ….. my family, ex-wife, friends ….. that includes, denying, avoiding who I am, delaying doing anything about it ……. even today, still struggling what decision I will make …….. but it’s not because I’m weak (WE), afraid to make a decision (far from it) or insecure about my t diagnosis ….. it’s because I care about other people …… and caring about other people is a nice, good quality …… I’m glad I did and do, and I would probably do it the same way again ….. caring about others, putting others before yourself is not a bad quality …. it’s a rewarding, higher level quality ……. and we all will know when the time is right for us to make a decision for ourselves.

Stop looking at my ass.