Life is life …<\/p>\n
And just as you get over one hurdle,<\/p>\n
You see another looming in the distance.<\/p>\n
It’s what keeps up sharp,<\/p>\n
Makes life interesting,<\/p>\n
Fun,<\/p>\n
And Worth Living.<\/p>\n
More and more lately I’ve made referenced to how my gender identity dysphoria has dissipated.<\/p>\n
How the intrusive,<\/p>\n
Disabling,<\/p>\n
Thoughts and feelings,<\/p>\n
Are no longer on the forefront of my mind,<\/p>\n
Each and every minute of my day.<\/p>\n
I’m finally free to live.<\/p>\n
But that doesn’t mean that I’m not thinking about my transsexualism,<\/p>\n
Frequently, and<\/p>\n
Its ramifications.
\n
\nI question whether or not I’m passing,<\/p>\n
I think about my decision’s impact on my family and friends, and<\/p>\n
I’m still trying to figure out where I fit in.<\/p>\n
As I’m starting to meet more and more people,<\/p>\n
Create and build my life among others,<\/p>\n
Who only know me as me …<\/p>\n
I’m finding myself faced with the Disclose or Don’t Disclose question.<\/p>\n
My approach to date has been The Cancer Benchmark.<\/p>\n
If I had had cancer, instead of transsexualism, would I mention it to this person.<\/p>\n
Those are the types of experiences that I deem so personal and private, that I wouldn’t tell everyone I meet the first time I meet them … or the second time … or the third time …<\/p>\n
But what about the fourth,<\/p>\n
Or times thereafter?<\/p>\n
Now of course, I’m not even sure The Cancer Benchmark is applicable to transsexualism …<\/p>\n
I mean, because of societal issues with ts’ism,<\/p>\n
Does an acquaintance have an earlier natural right to know one’s ts past sooner than one would expect to share other medical pasts with a new acquintance?<\/p>\n
I know that those who believe transsexualism is a “choice” of course expect us to inform them immediately upon meeting and then quickly leave so that our “choice” can’t be passed by airborne molecules to them,<\/p>\n
But those empty-minded, following butts aren’t the ones I’m wondering about …<\/p>\n
I’m thinking about the average, open minded, sheltered person …<\/p>\n
Co-workers, classmates, fellow volunteers.<\/p>\n
When I become frends with such … do I tell them?<\/p>\n
Because I haven’t been.<\/p>\n
And I don’t feel bad about it …<\/p>\n
It’s just that it’s a pain in the butt for me reconstructing a past on the fly that is consistent with my presentation …<\/p>\n
And in light of my lousy lying skills, I’m not good at consistent reconstructionist history.<\/p>\n
It’s just so much easier acknowledging my past actitivies as boy.<\/p>\n
Now my hesitation for sharing my past is not because of any embarassment about being transsexual.<\/p>\n
Though in the early stages, yes … I was … embarassed. I could barely whisper the word.<\/p>\n
But now, I’m not embarassed in the least, and if anything, somewhat proud …<\/p>\n
That I’ve finally faced this challenge and am doing my best to kick its ass.<\/p>\n
No, my hesitation for sharing my function is that afterwards, people treat me differently.<\/p>\n
That’s the downside to my blending approach …<\/p>\n
At first blush it feels like I’m keeping a secret again,<\/p>\n
And when people find out the secret,<\/p>\n
There are ramifications.<\/p>\n
But this secret …<\/p>\n
Is different.<\/p>\n
Whereas before I was desparately hiding from all,<\/p>\n
Who I really was,<\/p>\n
Now I’m not hiding me in the least.<\/p>\n
The person people are getting to know …<\/p>\n
Is the real, honest to goodness … me.<\/p>\n
Today, I’m hiding, if anything …<\/p>\n
Part of my past.<\/p>\n
And people hide their past, parts of their past … all the time.<\/p>\n
Just because a person was a prostitute in the past, it doesn’t make them a prostitute today;<\/p>\n
Just because a person was a heathen in the past, it doesn’t make them a heathen today; and,<\/p>\n
Just because I was a boy in the past, it doesn’t make me a boy today.<\/p>\n
But what does it make me?<\/p>\n
Well, I don’t know … that’s a post for another day,<\/p>\n
Because honestly,<\/p>\n
I really don’t think it makes me just another girl.<\/p>\n
Which is why,<\/p>\n
I’ve drawn no conclusion …<\/p>\n
As I’m still wandering around in my mind trying to find my place,<\/p>\n
And this post is just going to have To Be Continued.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Life is life … And just as you get over one hurdle, You see another looming in the distance. It’s what keeps up sharp, Makes life interesting, Fun, And Worth Living. More and more lately I’ve made referenced to how my gender identity dysphoria has dissipated. How the intrusive, Disabling, Thoughts and feelings, Are no…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[139],"tags":[],"taxonomy_info":{"category":[{"value":139,"label":"General"}]},"featured_image_src_large":false,"author_info":{"display_name":"Amy","author_link":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/author\/amy\/"},"comment_info":9,"category_info":[{"term_id":139,"name":"General","slug":"general","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":143,"taxonomy":"category","description":"","parent":0,"count":775,"filter":"raw","cat_ID":139,"category_count":775,"category_description":"","cat_name":"General","category_nicename":"general","category_parent":0}],"tag_info":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/922"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=922"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/922\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=922"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=922"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=922"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}