I did another four hours of electrolysis yesterday morning … what a way to start a Monday … ugh. Cleared the remnants on my face rather quickly … some stranglers on the upper lip (hurt worse than normal this time) and those lower areas underneath my mouth … and then went cleaning up some other areas on my neck …<\/p>\n
It’s still the kewlest feeling in the world to me touching my face and feeling no beard support. Strangely, it’s more an interesting experience\/feeling for me than having breasts. I don’t know what that says about me … other than regardless of my gender … I have significant tendencies towards weirdness.<\/p>\n
In fact, my boobs aren’t even my second favorite change … next are my body curves in general … sometimes I’ll just notice myself lying there … leg sticking out a little too much from underneath the covers, bedsheet falling nicely off my butt and I’m like … yeah !!! \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n
But ….
\n
\nThen I inevitably start thinking about whether I’ll ever have somebody to hold me, share life with me …<\/p>\n
Appreciate my mighty fine set of legs that go all the way up my … \ud83d\ude09<\/p>\n
And then I get than lonely, longing feeling again …<\/p>\n
Gawd that sucks.<\/p>\n
To feel wanted … to be needed.<\/p>\n
It’s definitely a core part of my personality.<\/p>\n
So that gets me thinking …<\/p>\n
Am I doing the right thing?<\/p>\n
Did I make the right decision in transitioning?<\/p>\n
Because a boring, run of the mill, suburbanite boy\/girl relationship and life with all the associated joys, challenges, fights and happiness that come with it …<\/p>\n
Is not something a transsexual girl has good odds of obtaining.<\/p>\n
Am I being delusional … in another variation of denial … in my attempts to guide my life in a direction to obtain such?<\/p>\n
I mean …<\/p>\n
I could have had, and most likely could still obtain, such a life with someone … have a family …<\/p>\n
If I was willing to play to the boy.<\/p>\n
Which raises the question … if I’m knowingly turning away a good likelihood of finding such an opportunity with someone …<\/p>\n
So that I can transition …<\/p>\n
Is transitioning more important to me than having a family, being with someone?<\/p>\n
I don’t know …<\/p>\n
But I really don’t think it’s important …<\/p>\n
Because what I do know is that I could only play the boy role so far in a relationship … marriage … before my system, brain, internal being … began to shut down … withdraw and isolate.<\/p>\n
I was pretty good at playing boy … but I could only play it to a certain degree …<\/p>\n
And if that’s the case …<\/p>\n
If a relationship is something I want and need …<\/p>\n
Then I have to take some steps to give myself the chance to find one where I can be a participant in the relationship fully … without limitation … without being in it to only a “certain degree”.<\/p>\n
Now, let’s be real, there’s no way I can honestly say at this point that I know I’m going to be able to be the girl in a relationship, fully and without limitation …<\/p>\n
It’s way too early to tell.<\/p>\n
Maybe I’ll do this whole transition thing and it’ll turn out that in addition to being transsexual …<\/p>\n
My brain is mucked up in some way that any role in a relationship is unnatural for me and I’ll be doomed to a life of loneliness …<\/p>\n
Who knows.<\/p>\n
But I can say … at this point in my journey …<\/p>\n
I’m finding myself much more at ease, much more natural, thinking much less about what I’m supposed to do, and just doing while being me …<\/p>\n
From clearly a girl perspective …<\/p>\n
Than I ever did when I was playing boy.<\/p>\n
Which gives me hope for finding happiness …<\/p>\n
Even if the odds against it happening are a bet that would tempt Pete Rose. \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n
Speaking of betting …<\/p>\n
I bet you never thought this post was going to take such a dysfunctional tangent when it started out discussing my last electrolysis appointment, huh? \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I did another four hours of electrolysis yesterday morning … what a way to start a Monday … ugh. Cleared the remnants on my face rather quickly … some stranglers on the upper lip (hurt worse than normal this time) and those lower areas underneath my mouth … and then went cleaning up some other…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[139],"tags":[],"taxonomy_info":{"category":[{"value":139,"label":"General"}]},"featured_image_src_large":false,"author_info":{"display_name":"Amy","author_link":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/author\/amy\/"},"comment_info":6,"category_info":[{"term_id":139,"name":"General","slug":"general","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":143,"taxonomy":"category","description":"","parent":0,"count":775,"filter":"raw","cat_ID":139,"category_count":775,"category_description":"","cat_name":"General","category_nicename":"general","category_parent":0}],"tag_info":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/724"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=724"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/724\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=724"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=724"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=724"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}