Yikes !!!! I did it again !! What a dolt !!! I did that whole “cut and color” thing with my hair … and I totally hate it. It drives me up the wall, how it’s such a regular thing with me … anytime I change my hair, I end up totally hating it afterwards. What’s the deal ? Is it my change adverseness … the comfort I find in sameness. And if so, why do I keep doing this to myself? Why do I keep putting myself through the trauma of changing my hair style, color or both? It’s totally odd, but it’s becoming a regular thing.<\/p>\n
Anyways … this time … I darkened my color some. You know, it’s Fall … so I was thinking I’d want a Fall color. And though I’m a “blonde” (at least that’s what it says on my birth certficate, but as we all know, birth certificates can be wrong !) … I felt that darkening it some with some high and low lights would be sa-weet. But no … it’s not !! It sucks !!
\n
\nBut I’ve learned to give it a few day before I totally over react.<\/p>\n
Why?<\/p>\n
Because though my particular personality abhors change … it quickly adapts to such and turns change into familiarity.<\/p>\n
It’s something I’m experiencing on many different levels in my life right now. Obviously.<\/p>\n
The whole decision to transition thing was a huge struggle for me, and I’ve fought steps of progress frequently along the way.<\/p>\n
But right now, I know that I have to change my life in some way substantive. For the last week I’ve been trying to do the Joe Hairdy\/Amy co-existence during the week as I did before my ffs … and it’s so not working. I have felt a sense of wrongness, frustration, anger, disinterest and anxiety to such a degree that I’ve never felt before. I’ve scared myself several times this week, but rationalized it as reacquainting my body with the hormones I ceased for 10 days surrounding my surgery, lowered energy levels from the trauma of it all, or just the strain from the stress of this endeavor. But curiously, as soon as I get home, I’m better. It’s odd … but now that I’ve gained a greater level of comfort in being myself, my tolerance for not being me has been reduced to nil. As always, I’ve tried to give it a few days … to see if things improved. But so far, nada yet.<\/p>\n
We’ll see what next week brings.<\/p>\n
If I learn to like my new hairstyle.<\/p>\n
And if I can learn to tolerate my old life.<\/p>\n
For a while longer.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Yikes !!!! I did it again !! What a dolt !!! I did that whole “cut and color” thing with my hair … and I totally hate it. It drives me up the wall, how it’s such a regular thing with me … anytime I change my hair, I end up totally hating it afterwards….<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[139],"tags":[],"taxonomy_info":{"category":[{"value":139,"label":"General"}]},"featured_image_src_large":false,"author_info":{"display_name":"Amy","author_link":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/author\/amy\/"},"comment_info":9,"category_info":[{"term_id":139,"name":"General","slug":"general","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":143,"taxonomy":"category","description":"","parent":0,"count":775,"filter":"raw","cat_ID":139,"category_count":775,"category_description":"","cat_name":"General","category_nicename":"general","category_parent":0}],"tag_info":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/557"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=557"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/557\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=557"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=557"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=557"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}