{"id":523,"date":"2003-10-04T23:55:19","date_gmt":"2003-10-05T04:55:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/amynews.com\/?p=514"},"modified":"2015-10-08T17:43:05","modified_gmt":"2015-10-08T21:43:05","slug":"weekend-fright","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/2003\/10\/weekend-fright\/","title":{"rendered":"Weekend Fright"},"content":{"rendered":"

I’m scared …<\/p>\n

Totally petrified.<\/p>\n

My ffs is this week … and the stuff running through my mind freaks me out.<\/p>\n

I am revisiting, rethinking previously adopted truisms.<\/p>\n

Am I doing the right thing? Do I really need to do this? Is transition necessary for me? Why can’t I just stick it out as a man? Am I really TS? Maybe I’m AG or CD. Should I evaluate other options first?<\/i><\/p>\n

And that fact that these things are going through my mind … makes me question myself even more. Heck … seems like everyone else is estatic prior to their ffs … and here I am … scared.
\n
\nThe risks of the surgery, healthwise, don’t bother me much, for reasons mentioned before<\/a>. What scares me … terrifies me … is the magnitude of this impending act … and its life-altering effects.<\/p>\n

What if I’m wrong? What if passing more easily, being perceived as female more readily … actually causes me greater discomfort?<\/i><\/p>\n

I revisit things …<\/p>\n

Naw I’m not CD, CD doesn’t make sense, it’s just simply not about the clothes for me<\/i>.<\/p>\n

AG? Doesn’t seem to fit either, I’ve known long before puberty of my feelings<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Well yeah … my dysphoria does seem to dissipate when I’m not presenting in guy mode, but … <\/i><\/p>\n

What about the warnings<\/i><\/a>? All legitimate … and meant to WARN. Maybe I should listen to them<\/i>?<\/p>\n

Sensing my fear … Shaft wanted to know what the odds were that I’d go through with it this week. I told him, despite my fright, I would put the odds at least at 90% … I really can’t imagine not having it done. And if I didn’t, it wouldn’t be because of my fear.<\/p>\n

Now don’t get me wrong … I have no problem stopping everything and all I have done to date at any point where I feel it’s not right for me … I feel no sense of obligation to continue … to proceed … simply because I’ve come this far.<\/p>\n

It’s just that … in spite of my fear … I sense nothing that would intervene with my plans later this week. I think that’s because my “fear” … really doesn’t seem to emanate so much from questioning my abilities\/skills\/decision making … but out of respect for the significance of what is about to happen in my life.<\/p>\n

Amyways … that’s what is going through my mind … a week before my ffs.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’m scared … Totally petrified. My ffs is this week … and the stuff running through my mind freaks me out. I am revisiting, rethinking previously adopted truisms. Am I doing the right thing? Do I really need to do this? Is transition necessary for me? Why can’t I just stick it out as a…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[139],"tags":[],"taxonomy_info":{"category":[{"value":139,"label":"General"}]},"featured_image_src_large":false,"author_info":{"display_name":"Amy","author_link":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/author\/amy\/"},"comment_info":6,"category_info":[{"term_id":139,"name":"General","slug":"general","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":143,"taxonomy":"category","description":"","parent":0,"count":775,"filter":"raw","cat_ID":139,"category_count":775,"category_description":"","cat_name":"General","category_nicename":"general","category_parent":0}],"tag_info":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/523"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=523"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/523\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=523"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=523"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=523"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}