The Last Day of July …<\/p>\n
Wow !!<\/p>\n
The summer is nearing conclusion …<\/p>\n
And so is the existence of Joe Hairdy.<\/p>\n
July has been a really a tumultuous month for me. In looking back at where I was at the beginning of this month and in reviewing some of my entries throughout the month … I realized that for most of July … I was phunking.<\/p>\n
My normal mood and attitude seemed to be off the entire month. Sure … I had some really good times, laughed a great deal, was excited and enthused a fair amount, and smiled a lot …<\/p>\n
But throughout … I’ve had this sense of unease …<\/p>\n
I’m sure it was a combination of things …
\n
\nThe stress of a month where my docket ended up being overly aggressive in an attempt to wind down my workload for months after August …<\/p>\n
The stress of some very difficult cases in that overly aggressive docket …<\/p>\n
The stress of some impending, significant steps in my treatment …<\/p>\n
The stress of trying to figure out a way to accommodate everyone else dear to me while also trying to accommodate me …<\/p>\n
The stress of trying to come up with an entry to post everyday for a month non-stop (it really wasn’t too stressful, and it’s total dweeb of me to actually find it worthy enough of a challenge to attempt anyways) …<\/p>\n
The stress of trying to figure out what I can do to help the firm after I leave …<\/p>\n
The stress of maintaining boy-mode persona when I’ve lost all interest in doing such …<\/p>\n
The stress of just unfortunate day to day life stuff that has nothing to do with my transsexualism … and,<\/p>\n
The stress of feeling like I am letting everyone down.<\/p>\n
It was a pretty suffocating month at times. I’ve got probably a dozen entries I’ve started but never finished … I will at some point, because I want to track my emotional phases throughout this process … it was just that before I could finish one entry, another feeling arrived.<\/p>\n
But one of the things I found incredibly interesting throughout the entire month … was how … even though I expected to feel some self-doubt, it wasn’t nearly to the extent I would have anticipated … in fact, in reality, I’ve probably had more fear than self-doubt.<\/p>\n
I have no doubt<\/i> I’m a transsexual and that this is the right step for me to take in to cure my dysphoria,<\/p>\n
But I am afraid<\/i>, that after all is said and done, I’ll find myself thinking … it wasn’t worth it … I made a mistake … I should have just stuck it out with my dysphoria. I let down way too many people who were terribly important to me in an attempt to make myself better.<\/p>\n
That’s what I fear.<\/p>\n
Oh well.<\/p>\n
That was July …<\/p>\n
The month of phunk.<\/p>\n
And tomorrow begins August …<\/p>\n
The month of action.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The Last Day of July … Wow !! The summer is nearing conclusion … And so is the existence of Joe Hairdy. July has been a really a tumultuous month for me. In looking back at where I was at the beginning of this month and in reviewing some of my entries throughout the month…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[139],"tags":[],"taxonomy_info":{"category":[{"value":139,"label":"General"}]},"featured_image_src_large":false,"author_info":{"display_name":"Amy","author_link":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/author\/amy\/"},"comment_info":8,"category_info":[{"term_id":139,"name":"General","slug":"general","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":143,"taxonomy":"category","description":"","parent":0,"count":775,"filter":"raw","cat_ID":139,"category_count":775,"category_description":"","cat_name":"General","category_nicename":"general","category_parent":0}],"tag_info":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/391"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=391"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/391\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=391"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=391"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=391"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}