I do not get why anyone would ever want to relationship with me,<\/p>\n
Ever.<\/p>\n
Which is a\u00a0line of thinking that not only enables me to efficiently tank any and all relationships in which I allow myself to dally,<\/p>\n
It also surrounds me with strong\u00a0defensive walls that makes getting me to even consider a dally statistically impossible when\u00a0you factor in the margin of error.<\/p>\n
I was not always as such,<\/p>\n
This behavior particular that is totally a Me 2.0 construct.<\/p>\n
I trace its origins\u00a0back to my Decision making process.<\/p>\n
Turns out there were small, incidental, components of thought leading up to the Decision,<\/p>\n
That continue to impact\u00a0me to this day.<\/p>\n
In this particular situation,<\/p>\n
When I was making the Decision,<\/p>\n
One of the variables I set was to presume that if I chose Option 1,<\/p>\n
I would never be in a coupling relationship again.<\/p>\n
It seemed like a completely reasonable, practical variable to set as such at the time:<\/p>\n
I did not want to expect a future coupling relationship and end up disappointed if one\u00a0never happened,<\/p>\n
Possibly causing me to\u00a0second-guess\u00a0said Decision.<\/p>\n
Instead,<\/p>\n
I deemed the more cautious approach would be to\u00a0make my Decision with the thought I would be alone for the balance of life,<\/p>\n
So if that turns out to be the case,<\/p>\n
It would be as expected.<\/p>\n
Regret and doubt avoided.<\/p>\n
Unexpectedly, though,<\/p>\n
The mere act of setting the variable in such a manner,<\/p>\n
Has triggered in me an apparently strong-willed determination to indeed make it the case.<\/p>\n
My commitment issues have become borderline obsessive,<\/p>\n
And if I didn’t have such commitment issues,<\/p>\n
I would have been able to simply call them obsessive.<\/p>\n
The inspiration for this post was\u00a0an unexpected text I received from the Invisible Boyfriend app …<\/p>\n
That simply\u00a0said “I Miss You<\/em>“.<\/p>\n Forgetting I had signed up for random, allegedly flirtatious texts,<\/p>\n I\u00a0found myself upon reading it immediately concluding I needed to end things now with this way too clingy one.<\/p>\n Milliseconds later my conscious,<\/p>\n Voluntary thought returned and I recalled it was a programmed\u00a0missive\u00a0sent by a bot\u00a0delivered with the\u00a0intent that a normal person would presumably find sweet.<\/p>\n Sweet?<\/p>\n Really?<\/p>\n Anyways,<\/p>\n Some of my friends think I am such because I don’t like me,<\/p>\n That my Function is such a self-disdaining feature in my mind,<\/p>\n Loathing within me for me,<\/p>\n That it is a wall of self-creation that will remain until I decide to tear it down,<\/p>\n And stop hating me.<\/p>\n <shoulder shrug><\/p>\n Eh.<\/p>\n <\/shoulder shrug><\/p>\n I get where they come up with that diagnosis,<\/p>\n But I think they are hopping on the logical fallacy bandwagon and landing on an incorrect conclusion …<\/p>\n That my intensely critical doubt and disbelief as to why anyone would ever want to relationship with me<\/p>\n Somwhow equates in way with a\u00a0proposition that I apparently hate me,<\/p>\n Which I don’t.<\/p>\n I am totally Team Amy,<\/p>\n Or TeAmy if we are preserving digit …<\/p>\n Counts.<\/p>\n Besides,<\/p>\n My Function and I are quite friendly and compatible with one another,<\/p>\n Which is a good thing considering we are like stuck with one another and all.<\/p>\n The timing of this is not to convey some veiled message to a hypothetical admirer to have patience with me,<\/p>\n That I will come around.<\/p>\n I will not come around. This is<\/p>\n No,<\/p>\n This is krafted solely in case others at some point in journey are setting similar variables for themselves,<\/p>\n Going through a decision making process,<\/p>\n And to toss out the thought that maybe,<\/p>\n When it comes to this particular variable,<\/p>\n They consider tweaking it a tad.<\/p>\n And making it a bit less absolute.<\/p>\n Or not,<\/p>\n ‘Cause<\/p>\n For me,<\/p>\n I’m perfectly fine with how my variable setting is working out.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" My commitment issues have become borderline obsessive,<\/p>\n And if I didn’t have such commitment issues,<\/p>\n I would have been able to simply call them obsessive.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4952,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[140],"tags":[],"taxonomy_info":{"category":[{"value":140,"label":"Life"}]},"featured_image_src_large":["https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/AFavIconTransBackRev-1024x1024.png",1024,1024,true],"author_info":{"display_name":"Amy","author_link":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/author\/amy\/"},"comment_info":5,"category_info":[{"term_id":140,"name":"Life","slug":"life","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":144,"taxonomy":"category","description":"","parent":0,"count":48,"filter":"raw","cat_ID":140,"category_count":48,"category_description":"","cat_name":"Life","category_nicename":"life","category_parent":0}],"tag_info":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3541"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3541"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3541\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4952"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3541"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3541"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3541"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}