{"id":1533,"date":"2006-08-27T21:44:02","date_gmt":"2006-08-28T01:44:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/amynews.com\/?p=1583"},"modified":"2015-10-08T17:35:26","modified_gmt":"2015-10-08T21:35:26","slug":"saturdays-all-right-for-fighting-and-apparently-hooking","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/2006\/08\/saturdays-all-right-for-fighting-and-apparently-hooking\/","title":{"rendered":"Saturday Night’s Alright (For Fighting)"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n<\/p>\n

Amyways,<\/em><\/p>\n

That is how I was mistaken for a prostitute at Chili’s on Saturday night,<\/em><\/p>\n

I think.<\/em><\/p>\n

Wild, huh ? \ud83d\ude42<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

So I wasn’t having a good week,<\/p>\n

Not a particularly good week at all:<\/p>\n

Flashback to the previous Wednesday evening:<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Got blown off, ended up drinking alone. <\/em><\/p>\n

Then fast foward from that Wednesday evening to the next evening, Thursday:<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Got blown off, ended up going out alone. <\/em><\/p>\n

Then fast forward 48 hours from that Thurdsday evening to Saturday evening:<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Got blown off, again.<\/em><\/p>\n

Nonetheless,<\/p>\n

Despite apparently having a significant aura of catchable cooties about myself,<\/p>\n

I figured I’d go out anyways …<\/p>\n

To some bar with a few televisions,<\/p>\n

So I could enjoy a couple Coors Lights,<\/p>\n

And watch a game.<\/p>\n

‘Cause seriously,<\/p>\n

I didn’t want to let go to waste that night the fact that …<\/p>\n

I was looking particularly fetching,<\/em><\/p>\n

Even if<\/em> had to say so myself <\/em>(which clearly I did :)).<\/em><\/p>\n

However, <\/p>\n

I really didn’t feel like putting much effort into going any place in particular, <\/p>\n

Which meant my immediate choices for solo drinking were limited to:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. An assbackwards local bar where women pholk are not allowed unless accompanied by a man and men pholk aren’t allowed unless they are driving an oversized, extended cab pickup with monster ass wheels representing … well, we all know what it represents :); <\/li>\n
  2. A bowling alley which is actually a lot of phun at which to hang out and drink; however, there are three guys that frequent there whom I’m sort of trying to avoid because they are really nice guys, but they keep asking me out and I’m running out of even remotely plausible ways to tell them no without just being blunt and saying “it’ll never happen unless you move to another city, because I have a rule where I refuse to date anyone from my hometown<\/em>“; or, <\/li>\n
  3. Chili’s.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Now truth be told,<\/p>\n

    I’m not a Chili’s fan.<\/p>\n

    Actually,<\/p>\n

    I hate the place.<\/p>\n

    I’ve never had a good meal there,<\/p>\n

    Nor anything even remotely resembling good and courteous service,<\/p>\n

    And face it people,<\/p>\n

    That’s saying a lot,<\/p>\n

    Because when it comes to food and bars,<\/p>\n

    It doesn’t take much of an effort to please me.<\/p>\n

    Plus,<\/p>\n

    Ever since they’ve banned Pam Beesley<\/a> from the restaurant …<\/p>\n

    I’ve been boycotting the chain in protest.<\/p>\n

    Banning her is just ridiculous.<\/p>\n

    But on this particular Saturday night,<\/p>\n

    I really didn’t have much of a choice.<\/p>\n

    Option No. 1 was never a possibility,<\/p>\n

    And though I pulled into the parking lot of the bowling alley,<\/p>\n

    I didn’t feel like having to deal with being alone on a Saturday night and<\/u> having the fact that I don’t have any real dating options available blatantly rubbed in my face …<\/p>\n

    So,<\/p>\n

    I went to Chili’s,<\/p>\n

    And took a seat at the bar,<\/p>\n

    A fairly small bar I might add,<\/p>\n

    Occupied at that moment by:<\/p>\n

    Three fairly drunk men facing me while sitting on the other side of the bar. They were apparently finishing up their day of friendship and golf with a bucket of drinks,<\/p>\n

    A jerk of a bartender who wouldn’t even change the channel from some rerun of a sports awards show to an actual live ball game; and,<\/p>\n

    An Eerie dude sitting to the right of me around the bar perpendicular.<\/p>\n

    Did I mention the Eerie dude sitting to the right of me around the bar perpendicular? <\/p>\n

    A short while after I was there, <\/p>\n

    Another woman who appeared to be about my age,<\/p>\n

    You know, 34 ! \ud83d\ude09 <\/p>\n

    Entered the bar, sat at a barstool between me and the Eerie dude,<\/p>\n

    Ordered a drink,<\/p>\n

    And then moved to a table off in the corner.<\/p>\n

    So that’s the lay of the land.<\/p>\n

    Now as they should always be,<\/p>\n

    My senses were finely tuned into my surroundings,<\/p>\n

    Though even a bit more so that night …<\/p>\n

    Since I was flying without wing support and all.<\/p>\n

    Sensing restlessness in this foreign bar, <\/p>\n

    I situated myself in the Bene Gesserit<\/a> taught position for sitting at a bar while anticipating bar room challenges.<\/p>\n

    I marked the surroundings,<\/p>\n

    And ordered myself a Coors Light,<\/p>\n

    Draft.<\/p>\n

    There is a time and place for keg beer … and a bar is neither. <\/p>\n

    I prefer my Coors Light in long neck bottle form, <\/p>\n

    However, tap beer in a mug is sometimes a good option because you can toss the beer easily at someone if you need a short distraction to make a quick getaway, <\/p>\n

    Which though I was hoping such wouldn’t be needed,<\/p>\n

    It was a precaution I thought prudent at the time,<\/p>\n

    I had a bad feeling about this.<\/p>\n

    First up,<\/strong><\/p>\n

    The three drunk guys.<\/strong><\/p>\n

    “Wow, wow, wow … aren’t you a pretty one,<\/em>” the leader of the group said to me when he was finally able to make eye contact despite my attempts not to look in their direction. <\/p>\n

    “Thanks,<\/em>” I said, while sticking my finger down my throat<\/strike> smiling in reply. <\/p>\n

     “I’m Jim, this is Dave and the young one here is Larry.<\/em>” He offered.<\/p>\n

    “Hi guys, nice videogame<\/a> Larry,<\/em>” I answered, intentionally omitting my name while giving a run at distracting them with my leisure suit reference. <\/p>\n

    “What’s your name?<\/em>” He persisted. Apparently I wasted a nice 80’s pop culture trivia tidbit.<\/p>\n

    “Jane,<\/em>” I provided. <\/p>\n

    Now I have been thinking of changing my bar name, however, I’ve found that Jane is a good name for evaluating a guy’s drunkedness … <\/p>\n