well aware this would happen<\/a> …<\/p>\nI had been fighting it.<\/p>\n
Trying to figure out a way so that this part of my life could be preserved.<\/p>\n
And as recently as Tuesday …<\/p>\n
I thought I had.<\/p>\n
I was planning on taking care of a few lingering talks with some on Tuesday and Wednesday,<\/p>\n
Show up for the Wednesday night tailgate,<\/p>\n
Then go bowling …<\/p>\n
Deal with it<\/i>, and<\/p>\n
Just hang out with my friends,<\/p>\n
Because it’s not<\/i> about the bowling ! \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n
However,<\/p>\n
The “deal with it<\/i>” part became the hang-up.<\/p>\n
“Dealing with it<\/i>” meant how would we handle the questions, observations or comments of the people we intereact with there over the disappearance of Joe and appearance of Amy.<\/p>\n
This is an established group of bowlers and drinkers …<\/p>\n
Very little changes from year to year …<\/p>\n
So when someone new comes in,<\/p>\n
Or someone old doesn’t return …<\/p>\n
People notice.<\/p>\n
Over the summer,<\/p>\n
We had been discussing how “deal with it<\/i>” should be implemented.<\/p>\n
One way was …<\/p>\n
To just introduce me as someone completely new …<\/p>\n
Joe’s sister, cousin or just another friend,<\/p>\n
And if suspected, asked or confronted …<\/p>\n
Deny I was Joe unless and until presented with clear and convicing otherwise.<\/p>\n
The benefit to this approach was that if successful,<\/p>\n
None of us would have to deal with the transsexual issue then.<\/p>\n
Well,<\/p>\n
Let’s be real …<\/p>\n
It was really so my friends wouldn’t have to deal with my transsexual issue,<\/p>\n
Because I have to deal with it every day in so many things I do …<\/p>\n
As having to address this particular issue exemplifies. \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n
Yet knowing what it’s like having to address the issue in so many different settings …<\/p>\n
Means I will go to great lengths to prevent or minimize my friends and family from having to do likewise.<\/p>\n
Which is why the “introduce me as someone completely new<\/i>” approach was even being considered,<\/p>\n
But I think there was a serious downside to this option.<\/p>\n
Principally,<\/p>\n
I think implementation would be incredibly difficult.<\/p>\n
There is way too much of a “recognition by association<\/i>” risk.<\/p>\n
For 6 years,<\/p>\n
Despite others having come and go …<\/p>\n
It has always been …<\/p>\n
Singer, Hottie and me.<\/p>\n
And I think if suddenly …<\/p>\n
We say that the blonde with similar hair to Joe,<\/p>\n
Who looks similar to Joe,<\/p>\n
Drinks the same beer as Joe,<\/p>\n
Has the same dorked up bowling style as Joe,<\/p>\n
And the same faded scar across her forehead as Joe …<\/p>\n
With who knows what other little physical identifiers some have recognized on me …<\/p>\n
The approach would be identified as a falsehood rather quickly.<\/p>\n
Now granted,<\/p>\n
In settings where people don’t expect to see Joe,<\/p>\n
Or don’t expect to see Joe with the people I’m with …<\/p>\n
There’s very little risk of recognition by people who know me as who I used to be.<\/p>\n
But in this setting,<\/p>\n
The people are nosy and inquisitive …<\/p>\n
I don’t think we could fool them for long.<\/p>\n
Not to mention,<\/p>\n
There’s always the possibility one of us might screw up and inadvertently say something to confirm my past.<\/p>\n
And once it’s figured out …<\/p>\n
The first denial and deception would make dealing with it afterwards worse …<\/p>\n
As if I was embarassed by or deceitful about my life.<\/p>\n
The other “deal with it<\/i>” option was simply,<\/p>\n
To tell the truth when asked or recognized.<\/p>\n
This is me now,<\/p>\n
I used to be Joe, and …<\/p>\n
I had a heck of an interesting summer. \ud83d\ude09<\/p>\n
Some people would be fine with it,<\/p>\n
And some wouldn’t be …<\/p>\n
Just like life elsewhere.<\/p>\n
Which is what creates the big disadvantage with this approach …<\/p>\n
I’d be putting my friends in a situation where they have to deal with people that are not fine with it.<\/p>\n
Now honestly …<\/p>\n
It was my plan to do as I do …<\/p>\n
And when recognized or asked,<\/p>\n
Just tell the truth.<\/p>\n
I’m not a good liar,<\/p>\n
And with my past,<\/p>\n
Lying is just taking me back to where I was before I transitioned …<\/p>\n
Having to be super-phreaking concerned with everything I say,<\/p>\n
Everything I do,<\/p>\n
Lest someone figure out I’m transsexual.<\/p>\n
Now I am certainly not an in your face transsexual …<\/p>\n
I don’t have the self-confidence for that opportunity.<\/p>\n
Yet, though I have gone to great lengths to just blend in …<\/p>\n
I don’t deny my past.<\/p>\n
There are too many great memories for me to ever want to pretend like they never happened,<\/p>\n
And too many people I know from my past,<\/p>\n
Who might not have a problem with me when they find out,<\/p>\n
That I would miss out on having the chance to associate with them …<\/p>\n
If I never let them know that they already know me when they suspect they do.<\/p>\n
However, some definitely thought the “introduce me as someone completely new<\/i>” approach was the way to go …<\/p>\n
And that my “tell them the truth if asked<\/i>” preference would make them uncomfortable.<\/p>\n
Now this is a credit to and example of what great friendships are made of …<\/p>\n
The ability to openly and rationally express opinions and feelings without it being a reflection on the friendship …<\/p>\n
And to recognize differences of opinions.<\/p>\n
At no point was it ever suggested that if I didn’t agree to the “introduce me as someone completely new<\/i>” approach …<\/p>\n
I wouldn’t welcomed to hang out anymore on Wednesday night.<\/p>\n
And at no point did I ever say,<\/p>\n
If I can’t tell the truth when asked,<\/p>\n
I don’t want to hang out anymore on Wednesday night.<\/p>\n
I think the positives and negatives of both choices were recognized by all,<\/p>\n
And if anything lead to an impasse of sort …<\/p>\n
Where a decision had to be made,<\/p>\n
But no one really wanted to make the decision.<\/p>\n
Ultimately though,<\/p>\n
It was my decision.<\/p>\n
And I needed to hear that my presence was wanted and others there who would have issue with me would not ruin our UnUsual fun.<\/p>\n
However, I never heard that,<\/p>\n
And I appreciate the honesty in our discussions.<\/p>\n
So the rationale that went through my mind was this:<\/p>\n
In both approaches …<\/p>\n
I was going to be uncomfortable,<\/p>\n
‘Cause trust me …<\/p>\n
Even though numbed to a degree from the scars of Disclosure …<\/p>\n
Telling the truth of one’s function still sucks.<\/p>\n
Now,<\/p>\n
With my “just tell the truth<\/i>” approach,<\/p>\n
Others would clearly be uncomfortable …<\/p>\n
I was told such.<\/p>\n
But in the “introduce me as someone completely new<\/i>” approach …<\/p>\n
Only I would really be uncomfortable.<\/p>\n
Since if it was successful …<\/p>\n
My peeps wouldn’t have to deal with my reactions of others,<\/p>\n
While I would just have to deal with perpectuating a myth about me again,<\/p>\n
Which is uncomfortable only for me.<\/p>\n
Then once the falsehood was figured out …<\/p>\n
And it would be,<\/p>\n
The lie would more be a sour reflection of me than of anyone else,<\/p>\n
So again the discomfort would be mine alone.<\/p>\n
And with that figured out,<\/p>\n
Well …<\/p>\n
I knew I really couldn’t go into a setting where I know lying about who I am would be quickly figured out,<\/p>\n
And anyone that has half an understanding or appreciation of the importance I place on my family and friends …<\/p>\n
Knows that I try hard not to do things to make them uncomfortable when I can avoid it,<\/p>\n
So my decision was obvious.<\/p>\n
It’s not like the old days with us …<\/p>\n
When we could go out several nights of the week,<\/p>\n
And afford having one night of uncomfortability,<\/p>\n
Because we could more than make up for it on other nights.<\/p>\n
Now …<\/p>\n
Between work,<\/p>\n
Family commitments,<\/p>\n
Life responsibilities, and<\/p>\n
Children …<\/p>\n
Getting our one night a week in is more than a challenge,<\/p>\n
And I am not going to be the person to make my friends one night of weekly fun uncomfortable.<\/p>\n
So Tuesday afternoon during the telephone conversation where others’ position on the topic were being reiterated to me,<\/p>\n
I muttered the words I had been trying to avoid …<\/p>\n
“Just count me out.<\/i>”<\/p>\n
And the quick responsive “ok<\/i>” confirmed …<\/p>\n
The End of An Era.<\/p>\n
Now …<\/p>\n
I know,<\/p>\n
Some may say that I’m being extreme with this post,<\/p>\n
That things may change, and<\/p>\n
Other opportunities to congregate will present themselves.<\/p>\n
But that is not the case.<\/p>\n
True,<\/p>\n
Things may change,<\/p>\n
But change is never easy.<\/p>\n
Once events are set in motion …<\/p>\n
They will follow the path of least resistance.<\/p>\n
The path of least resistance is the status quo,<\/p>\n
And …<\/p>\n
The status quo is now one where I’ve been replaced.<\/p>\n
There is a new group on Wednesday night …<\/p>\n
Where I’m not included,<\/p>\n
Where common memories and experiences are being created to which I cannot share,<\/p>\n
Which solidifies that collection of people as the status quo even more.<\/p>\n
Besides,<\/p>\n
Nothing will change anytime soon that would make my presence at that venue less uncomfortable for others.<\/p>\n
And it’s not like I didn’t know I would hate this decision before finding myself having to make it …<\/p>\n
And feel as empty as I do as a result.<\/p>\n
That’s why I was trying to figure out how to avoid making this one,<\/p>\n
But the only real solution would of been us bowling and hanging out someplace new …<\/p>\n
And once it was decided the same old place was going to be the call …<\/p>\n
Nothing I could do would make things more comfortable for others …<\/p>\n
While keeping me included.<\/p>\n
I made the decision knowing what it would do to me …<\/p>\n
But this time …<\/p>\n
I made this decision for others,<\/p>\n
Not me.<\/p>\n
And as far as other opportunities to congretate presenting themselves …<\/p>\n
Oh sure,<\/p>\n
I’m not saying they won’t.<\/p>\n
Of course they will …<\/p>\n
And there are certainly more episodes of our collective adventures to be written,<\/p>\n
But their frequency will diminish substantially.<\/p>\n
98.2% of the time we hung out …<\/p>\n
In spring, summer, fall or winter,<\/p>\n
It was on Wednesday night.<\/p>\n
And now with Wednesday nights being out of the question,<\/p>\n
Future adventures will be like the occasional reunion show.<\/p>\n
And suggesting otherwise,<\/p>\n
Well …<\/p>\n
That’s just nice, denial talk void of any recognition of reality.<\/p>\n
Even the possibility of hanging out with them every now and then on Wednesday night …<\/p>\n
Subbing, if you will, when one of the now regulars can’t make it,<\/p>\n
Isn’t a possibility,<\/p>\n
As others uncomfortability and the related issues …<\/p>\n
Are there if I show up every week,<\/p>\n
Or just occasionally.<\/p>\n
I’m terribly sad about losing the opportunity to spend time with this amazing group of people,<\/p>\n
Because in some respects I’m finally coming into my own,<\/p>\n
And these dear friends who stuck with me through the tough times …<\/p>\n
Don’t get the benefit of enjoying the new, improved company of me in these better times.<\/p>\n
Hanging out with one another weekly would have given them that opportunity.<\/p>\n
And without such a chance for regular, frequent exposure to the new me,<\/p>\n
In some ways forever,<\/p>\n
I’ll always be their friend Joe who had a sex change,<\/p>\n
Not their friend Amy.<\/p>\n
That’s an opportunity I certainly regret not having.<\/p>\n
But dwelling on my loss does not give proper respect to all the great times and memories we had …<\/p>\n
Each of them individually,<\/p>\n
And the collection of them as a group,<\/p>\n
Have been critical to the success of my transition.<\/p>\n
Miss Daisy’s practical advice and willingness to be my safe date when I needed one;<\/p>\n
Sister’s understanding of what I was feeling when I couldn’t say it and providing words of positive encouragement whenever I desparately needed them;<\/p>\n
Hottie’s ability to make me laugh when I longed for a laugh, protection of me when I needed protection, and hugs offered with the words “you’re doing good<\/i>“;<\/p>\n
Singer’s ability to always know exactly what to tell me when I needed to hear it, patience in teaching me so much that I didn’t know, and determination to make me live by getting me out, about and reintegrated back into the world; and,<\/p>\n
The UnUsual Suspects’ support in having our own Gender Nights Out while we all got used to being around and interacting with Me 2.0.<\/p>\n
They gave me love, understanding and confidence.<\/p>\n
I am what I am today in large part because of these people,<\/p>\n
And everyone that gives a rip about me is forever indebted to them.<\/p>\n
I’ll miss our weekly adventures …<\/p>\n
But I’ll never forget them.<\/p>\n
So now,<\/p>\n
For the last time …<\/p>\n
I’m going to use our collective moniker with the present tense,<\/p>\n
“Hey UnUsual Suspects, you rock !!!!!<\/i>” \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n
Editor’s Note:<\/b> As the result of not seeing Hottie this past Wednesday night, I was unable to give him my traditional belated birthday card for his birthday …<\/p>\n
Something historically done on the first night of bowling after summer break.<\/p>\n
His birthday was September 5th (I think :), though honestly, I really just always made sure I brought him a birthday card the first night we were back. :))<\/p>\n
Anyways,<\/p>\n
He’s been looking younger and younger each time I’ve seen him the past year. A trait I attribute solely to some good, positive, healthy kharma he’s getting from hanging out with Baby Spice !! \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n
So,<\/p>\n
Before I forget …<\/p>\n
Everyone please wish Hottie a belated Happy Birthday ! \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n
Happy Belated Birthday Hottie !!!!<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Summer break ended Wednesday night … And another bowling season began, Season Number 7. Woooo hoooo !!! \ud83d\ude42 Sweet !!! I was so looking forward to just hanging out with my friends again ! But, Despite the fact that in some people’s opinion … My transitioning is the ultimate in selfish acts, I have never…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[139],"tags":[],"taxonomy_info":{"category":[{"value":139,"label":"General"}]},"featured_image_src_large":false,"author_info":{"display_name":"Amy","author_link":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/author\/amy\/"},"comment_info":7,"category_info":[{"term_id":139,"name":"General","slug":"general","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":143,"taxonomy":"category","description":"","parent":0,"count":775,"filter":"raw","cat_ID":139,"category_count":775,"category_description":"","cat_name":"General","category_nicename":"general","category_parent":0}],"tag_info":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1114"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1114"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1114\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1114"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1114"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/amynews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1114"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}